Author Topic: Lupita, how are you?  (Read 3219 times)

Lupita

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Re: Lupita, how are you?
« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2011, 05:58:30 PM »
How do I know he is not a predator? He seems like a good person. But I start feeling uncomfortable since he lied to me before he might do it again. But I don't know what to do. He said he is coming back next week just to be with me he says to stay here for me and finish his nonexistent marriage with a legal divorce. But how do I know he is telling the truth? I guess I don't know. I will not know. Just time will tell. If in a few days he says, "this is not working. I am going back to my ex" that means he was just playing me.
What can I do? How can I give him a chance without me getting hurt?

lighter

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Re: Lupita, how are you?
« Reply #16 on: November 25, 2011, 05:42:30 PM »
Hey Lupe:

Set some boundaries to keep yourself safe.

Did this guy tell you he wasn't married, then turn around and admit he is, then turn around and say he's going to get a divorce, but you have to BE with him first?

I'm not following entirely here, but it's perfectly reasonable that you would keep him at a safe distance while he's going through a divorce.

Also perfectly reasonable that you would enjoy your new dance partner, and have the time of your life dancing, no matter what's going on.

It sounds like G's wife wants him back, and he's using that as a reason to finally get divorced...... you aren't the reason, and you don't want to be.

Keep busy. Let him know you aren't an apple to be picked off a tree just bc he's reaching.  You can put boundaries in place, and defend them.  That's what healthy people do, Lupe.
I wouldn't date a married man, and it's reasonable that you wouldn't either.  If he puts a lot of pressure on you to change your mind, THAT's a red flag.  If he can't respect your feelings when they go against his desires, then he's more interested in controlling you than having a relationship. 

Pay attention to what he says and does.  If he gives you a voice, and wants you to be happy, then he'll keep his distance, respect your request and come back when he's a single man.  HOpefully he'll find you dancing and happy and in a place to want a relationship, not NEED one.
Protect yourself, cause no one else will.

BTW, what's going on with your son?

Is he doing OK?

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Lupita, how are you?
« Reply #17 on: November 25, 2011, 06:21:19 PM »
Hi Lupita,
I think the most important thing is to set your own boundaries for yourself. My suggestion would be:

Don't date or sleep with a married man, or a man who is confusingly "semi attached' or "not quite free yet" or anything like that...

Recipe for heartache, disaster, and much much pain later...no matter how pleasant the desire is now.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."