Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Childhood panic attacks?
Meh:
Getting the weird jumping screen thing on previous post need to make one more here:
As an adult maybe about 5-6 years ago I was walking down a sidewalk and out of the blue became so worried that I was literally going to suffocate and die that I called 911. I spoke with them for a couple of minutes and I told them how I was feeling and I also said I think I'm just having a panic attack and you don't need to send an ambulance. They offered to send an ambulance anyways and I decided I didn't need it but the feeling of fear and panic was so bad that I did make the 911 call. Luckily the person that I was talking to knew what a panic attack was and was nice about it. I guess I expected the 911 dispatcher to be pissed off at me.
Yes, I think I did pass-out when I was a kid. I was on steroids though because I was sick due to my mother's neglect so I always thought it was related to the medication and maybe it was the medication...I have no clue it was a weird time. I tried to explain to the adults that I could feel and hear the blood in my veins but nobody every listened to what I said and no doctor ever explained it so I was just left with the weird experience.
sKePTiKal:
I had one of these - in circumstances where I normally would've been relaxed, happy & having a lot of fun. I literally felt I couldn't breathe... had pain running down my arm, into my jaw like someone was pinching me in a vise - the side Twigs had trouble with during her trauma. Long story short: a few weeks later it hadn't recurred but the thoughts and questions it brought up bothered me - and went to my doctor... and then started a repeat of the kind of medical "abuse" I suffered as a child at the hands of my mom, who searched for a medical explanation for and tried a zillion "treatments" to clear up my emotional/psychosomatic symptoms.
Looking back at this now... and knowing what I know now, about needing to be able to hear, feel, and be connected to my "self"... I wonder if maybe these panic attacks aren't an SOS from the self? A smack upside the body's head... to get my normal consciousness to pay attention NOW...
This kind of self-> body-> mind "communication" has been going on with me, at LEAST as far back as Twiggy's day. 40 some years. In various ways. It's different, too, than a real injury or normal sickness... but I can't describe how, except to say that normal medical exams find no "cause"... and the usual "treatments" only make things worse; not better.
That's just my crazy idea of what it seems like is going on. I don't have anything to back that up with... no studies, no expert theories... it's just how I experience it.
river:
--- Quote --- Oddly enough, sometimes I find just saying "I'm scared" aloud seems to calm me down and diffuse the anxiety. For instance: I was hanging wallpaper with my husband a few weeks ago. Well, wallpaper really reminds me of NM. Her house is filled with it. She's flawless at hanging it and loves to critique other people's mistakes and bubbles. Anyway, right before we started, my skin started crawling (just as you described). DH asked what was wrong and I said, "I'm terrified." DH said, "Terrified of what?" And I told him I was scared we weren't going to do the papering well enough, that we were going to fight in the process, confessed that I had a lot of strong childhood memories that involved helping my mother strip walls and repaper. The instant I said it, I felt freer, calmer. And of course, DH was like: "We're not going to fight over this. And who cares if we screw up? It's just wallpaper. We have more than enough. If we do it wrong, we'll just start over again. I'm not your mom. This isn't your childhood house. We're us. This place is ours." I found myself laughing and crying. It was like coming out of a spell. It doesn't always work out like that, but still...
--- End quote ---
this is lovely
KayZee:
--- Quote ---Looking back at this now... and knowing what I know now, about needing to be able to hear, feel, and be connected to my "self"... I wonder if maybe these panic attacks aren't an SOS from the self? A smack upside the body's head... to get my normal consciousness to pay attention NOW...
--- End quote ---
I love this, P.R. And I totally agree! Panic attacks very well might be the body's way of making us take notice, like the dashboard lights coming on in a car.
Don't homeopaths like to say the human body manifests physical symptoms as a last resort, in order to get us to pay attention to emotional illnesses? I.e. I've met one or two who claim skin disorders (like psoriasis) are the result of repressed anger. Interesting stuff..
sKePTiKal:
Kay:
I've had hives, sciatica, psoriasis (intermittent)... and ... as a child the resigned diagnosis was "swollen glands". I agree with your homeopath, given what my life has been like. I feel like the poster girl for psychosomatics!
One other tidbit I ran across in my memory-log-scan journals during therapy: being physically ill was the only way, as a child, I could get my mom to (positively) pay attention to me.
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