Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
"Nobody will ever love you as much as I do"
Redhead Erin:
Mine was much more sublte than that. But I got the message.
My reaction was, Really? Let me see about that . . . .
No wonder I split and got married at 19.;
SilverLining:
--- Quote from: river on November 21, 2011, 03:49:49 PM ---
The in-built implicit message is 'dont separate from me', ie I dont support you to grow into a life where you are deeply fulfilled in love. I want you dependent on me. If you feel guilt also as a result of this statment, thats not my problem. As well, in my world, the way I relate is to be the bestest at everything, including loving you. I AM the centre of the world in my universe, as well as in yours.
And there you have it, the relational anatomy of the way an N relates. And I wouldnt be suprised if this actually came out of a tiny kernal of real love. But in the disorders of the self, specially N, all legitimate real feelings are hijacted, and co-opted for the purpose of control, grandiosity ect, the usual N type agenda's.
phew, thanks for that opportunity to get all that out, not many people in the world would care or understand this at all.
--- End quote ---
Well said River! That definitely fits with what I experienced in the FOO. First it was close to 20 years of emotional neglect. Then it was 20 years of loading on the guilt and phony emotion in order to keep the structure intact. The feelings I had about the situation were of no concern at all.
river:
--- Quote from: SilverLining on November 22, 2011, 12:30:54 PM ---
--- Quote from: river on November 21, 2011, 03:49:49 PM ---
--- End quote ---
....... First it was close to 20 years of emotional neglect. Then it was 20 years of loading on the guilt and phony emotion in order to keep the structure intact. The feelings I had about the situation were of no concern at all.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote --- Do any such adult children want nurturing from their parents I wonder? I mean, really want it, as opposed to missing what they didn't get. Maybe. I imagine they might, if they like their parent and enjoy their company. Kind of difficult for me to imagine though.
--- End quote ---
Ouch for both of these, + very clearly put. (I borrowed one from other post). The reason 'ouch' is that I also see my own pattern here. Big difference is that I have tried to make amends. Big puzzle and ~ as well as a cause of feeling alienated, for me is why did no body have the understanding of this whole dynamic of the disorders in all those years I searched for help. I myself missed the chance to fulfil those loving years when my child was little. I had my own disorder, but it wasn't N. disorder, it was the other disorder that is commonly a result of the fall out of a family organised around an N.
Lupita:
Yes, she said that to me and also said that she was the only one to give a kidney if I needed it.
Hopalong:
I have a lot of guilt around this...
I wasn't trying to manipulate my D, I loved her with all my flawed heart, but no question, it was an enmeshing thing.
I did not know that. I had no idea that's what I was doing.
I am miserable over having not helped her grow up sound.
I know others (including her father, my mother, etc.) contributed...but I am so sad about it.
Hops
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