Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

"Nobody will ever love you as much as I do"

<< < (6/11) > >>

Hopalong:
I didn't say this exact thing to my D, but something similar enough, once...it was about my own feeling that I love her more than any other human being.

Maybe I'm too quick to indict myself.

Hi, ((((((((River))))))) -- the only difference I could pick up between your post and mine was maybe that mine included quite a few words that described my feelings/emotions.

Maybe that invites empathy -- regardless of why, I am grateful.

I don't like the notion of comparing responses though...suggests competition.

You deserve compassion and comfort too!

love,
Hops

Meh:
I think I see what you are saying, her phrasing of the expression is kind of twisted right?

The original post "Nobody will ever love you as much as I do".....I think is heard to mean something more like..."Nobody will ever really love you".. (Maybe I'm wrong, just guessing). The start of this sentence is Nobody will ever love you.....

Someone could have said other things right...like "I love you so much"...or "The love I feel for you is stronger then anything I have ever experienced". "I love you more then I have ever loved anybody else." OR "I will never love anybody as much as I love you."




 

Meh:

--- Quote from: Hopalong on November 23, 2011, 06:34:35 PM ---I have a lot of guilt around this...
I wasn't trying to manipulate my D, I loved her with all my flawed heart, but no question, it was an enmeshing thing.
I did not know that. I had no idea that's what I was doing.
I am miserable over having not helped her grow up sound.
I know others (including her father, my mother, etc.) contributed...but I am so sad about it.
Hops
--- End quote ---

Sounds like this is really eating at you Hops.

(sorry for therapizing) It's just that when I read here what you have put down, I get a visual picture of the guilt like a burden that is stuck on you but stuck on you really hard and really close and almost like you are holding it so you have something to hold on to. Like the intensity of the enmeshment is related to the intensity of the attachment/holding to the guilt.
I don't know maybe I shouldnt say that at all? Maybe it is not accurate.

Hops, you sound like you have so much remorse for your shortcomings or mistakes you may have made with your daughter and that sounds a lot different to me then most of the Narcissists described in the stories on the board that never really appear to show concern for how they are impacting other's around them nor do any Narcissists ever show a desire for a higher quality relationship with the impacted one.

Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

The point is not to make the mistakes over and over right?

Meh:
Actually I shouldn't say that Narcisists never show a desire for a higher quality relationship. My mother did go to a therapist who told her just to try "being nice" to me. And she was for about two weeks back in April/May of this year. I knew better then to get my hopes up though.

It only lasted for about two weeks and now I know what it would feel like IF my mother was nice to me, it's well really nice.

Hopalong:
Boat, thank you. You completely got the distinction.
You're right, what I was saying to my D back then was how much I love her.
Not that "nobody will ever...".

And the guilt. Thank you for seeing how I have too much and hold it too tightly. Really, thank you.

My D has a pattern of kind of swarming me with communication when she's in a crisis. I'm usually so relieved to have the contact that I just step in to help, and we'll be in touch daily, and I'll think at the same time -- oh, we're really in relationship again. So even though what's happening may be hard, there's a part of me that's grateful for the connection.

Then when my funds run out and she's moved on, she tends to drop communication again. Kind of swinging from one extreme to another. Makes holidays hard. (She doesn't acknowledge them so I have to work at getting emotionally ready for those days.) I do have to work on feelings of abandonment. Self pity (my only child, won't even call me on Thanksgiving...kind of thoughts. They start, and I shake them off and put them away).

She is also insightful and blunt and sometimes says brutal but accurate things. Most recently she said, "I think you can't handle the separation" and "I can't find my own intiative if I have to respond to many messages from you".

She was right. Well, I've handled a LOT of separation, but she's right it's difficult. And as to the intiative...made complete sense to me. I got it.

Thanks again Boat...
Hops

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page