Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Father with cancer and narcissistic mother
Meh:
My N mother always comes up with some sick event to counter whatever other situation is going on.
It always seems really justified though. I think she basically blows things out of proportion.
When both my mother and brother were stressing me out telling my father was dying and putting the GUILT on to the point where I just started crying uncontrollably...at the same time when I tried to discuss any of that with my mother she would...talk about her husband's daughter having a bladder biopsy that turned out to be nothing at all. My mother got a huge amount of attention when she had to have a biopsy that almost always turns out negative...and it was negative...but man did she milk it for months. I clarified what the doctors and nurses had actually said to her and realized that it was a very low risk situation but she created a story out of it that somehow drew attention from her husband's family, her still living parent's, her brother and her sister, her co-workers. There were family celebration dinners to rejoice that she wasn't really sick. The world will rally around her if she even has a ingrown butt hair for god's sake.
I don't really know how your situation is going to unfold or how your parents interact with each other but mostly I would say if She really is a Narcissist you can probably expect some form of acting up to occur.
Lucky:
Thank you PhoenixRising and Boat that Rocks for your support!
Lucky:
We have heard now that the cancer has already spread to my father's back and belly.
sKePTiKal:
I'm sorry, Lucky.
Remind me: are you close and on good terms with your Dad? How are you feeling about this? Are you geographically close and able to - if you want to - visit?
Hopalong:
Lucky, I'm really sorry.
My advice is, if you love your Dad and want to connect with him, do what you can to be there for him and communicate that love to him directly.
NOT through your mother, or messages, etc.
If you're at a distance, you can still find creative ways to send those direct messages. (At times I would order something for my Dad with my own message/note/gift...so there was no way for my mother to hijack my communication and make it about her.)
When you're focused on your own feelings of love and grief, and being present to him and to yourself...if you can possibly look at her the way you would annoying weather, but keep your eyes on the prize (being present to yourself, and to him)...that may help.
She IS just annoying weather. Way more sound and wind than substance, and fated to blow over.
You're sturdy. She cannot blow you over. Love is bigger than fear.
Just love yourself, love your father if you do...and respond out of that place.
(Loving yourself means not letting your mother make it All About Her.) You can be compassionate
but protect yourself at the same time.
love to you,
Hops
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