Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Father with cancer and narcissistic mother

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Hopalong:
(((((((((((Lucky)))))))))))))

I'm thinking of you as you gently let your Dad go...
I'm sorry your mother adds stress to this event.

But he's at the threshold, and nothing she is or does
can alter the energy or love you choose to give him.

There'll be plenty of time later to assess her "performance."

All that matters now is you being present to him and as
minimally distracted by her as you can manage.

I'm sorry you're all going through this, and wish your Dad
a peaceful, pain-controlled departure, as soon as nature lets
him go....

love to you,
Hops

Lucky:
My sister and I have seen my dad today. But of course my mother has to be center stage and my father is trying to give it to her although he is extremely tired. My mother told us that he even offered her his apologies because he fell asleep while she was visiting him in hospital yesterday. He is well trained to make her the center of attention at all times. She even told my sister a few days ago that he likes to see her most of all. My sister felt as if we are no longer welcome to come and visit him. My sister and I have the feeling that she rather not have him home again because she would mess with her easy and comfortable life she is having at the moment. My father really would like to go home but my mother is making up all kinds of excuses why it would not be a good idea.

Lucky:
Yesterday my father came home (trial for two days to see how it would go) and today my mother told me that he does not want to live any longer. He was looking forward to going home and the days after he came home he wants to die. I was with my parents yesterday and i did not hear him say this. He said he was happy to be home. He is not in terrible pain but he is very fatigued and weak. All the time during his illness he has been feeling guilty towards my mother that he was causing her extra work.

gratitude28:
Oh Lucky,
I am so sorry. I am wishing you some peace and your dad a lot of love.
Beth

Lucky:
My father came home on the 14th of December and he stayed home. We (my mother and sister and I) have been taking care of him with the help of others. I do not think my dad has much longer to live. However my mother is getting fed up with taking care of my father. She is fed up with staying in the house all the time.

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