Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
New thread for flirting, opposite sex relationship stuff
Meh:
Wondering how this topic fits into experiencing Voicelessness.
Generally I have some sense of secrecy or privacy about flirting etc.
Maybe the voicelessness comes in because I just never discus it at all.
But somehow since the topic has come up, I think I have been talking to people more when I am out and about I think.
Sort of like "is it okay to play" ?
I have been told that I am very aloof and stand-offish sometimes...I don't know how accurate that feedback is but probably is.
On some level I wonder if I just don't know if....(Is it okay to play)?
And doesn't that tie in with anxiety also....if one always questions (IS IT OKAY TO PLAY) that is a place of anxiety.
When I write (Is it okay to play)...that makes me take a deep breathe.
It's such a basic simple thing, how can this really be an issue?
Meh:
....so that would lead me on to consider if it really is unsafe for me to play....or it is safe for me to play yet I still feel unsafe...
How do I know if it is "SAFE TO PLAY"... I'm not so much talking about flirting, I'm talking about just simply conversing with anybody in an AT EASE way. As opposed to an anxious way.
...that would lead me on to are there more sophisticated types of play specifically for "unsafe" situations...because animals out in the wild sometimes are playing at fighting correct? If animals play fight...then it is serious play.
I'm not sure what I am getting at here. Does anybody else feel as if they are NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY???
Clearly I have discovered an affirmation here: "It's okay to play" or I am allowed to play.
sKePTiKal:
Boat - the reason I finally started this thread is because I often don't feel it's safe to play. Play is connected to a whole bunch of other things, too. And it's a tangled ball o' yuck...
... and I'm trying to figure it out. It's not just hubs & intimate relationships... it's lots of things; lots of situations. Yes, anxiety is part of the tangle - at least for me it is.
Things have been busy on the board lately. I need to just go somewhere & think a bit. Everyone's ideas are definitely helping. Moving things along.
Hopalong:
You've got to feel SAFE to play.
I had a friend in a women's support group once who had lived through a very very rough "on the streets" kind of adolescence. I didn't understand her for a long time until one day I told her she reminded me of the Viet Nam vets I knew, who were eternally vigilant and tense, jumping at the slightest noise. I thought she was similar in that maybe she found it hard to recognize that she was now in peace time. She connected to that; it made sense to her.
PTSD is one explanation. Though that kind of vigilance can be an undercurrent, milder, etc...
So the kinds of emotional lockdown kids of abusive or twisted or repressive situations (maybe like severely Nparent/s) have to do to survive, I think contributes to a kind of inflexibility that means all things are forced in a way. Connection is forced, relaxation is forced, and the minuet between the two is a minefield rather than a dance. If you're constantly having to summon up the emotional energy to plan and launch the inner realization that now is time for connection (ooomph) or now is the time this organism needs to relax (more effort to recognize and then get there, ooooooooommmph) ... how the heck is any energy left over for play?
I think that's why it's hard for wounded people to play. Play also requires being very much in the present moment. Not reverberating from the past or fearing the future.
It makes perfect sense to me that this is very hard...to get to be present enough to play.
At the same time it also makes perfect sense to me that wounded people can learn to feel safe again, and be present again.
Art therapy probably will help. Drama, too. Singing. Time with children. Gardening...
Feeling "jumpy" is a clue that your past or your future are climbing into the circle of your present.
(I am a human bunny wabbit. Boing boing.)
xo
Hops
Meh:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on November 27, 2011, 07:18:51 PM ---(I am a human bunny wabbit. Boing boing.)
--- End quote ---
:lol: That makes me laugh Hops. Is that where you got the name Hops from?
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