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New thread for flirting, opposite sex relationship stuff

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sKePTiKal:
Hi Boat - I just got really busy, but I'm going to come back later and respond.

For now: thinking about relationships is always really confusing for me. Feeling is way simpler. Does hubs smell good today? Is there a twinkle in his eyes while he's talking to me, teasing me or suggesting something? Are we on the same wavelength today? Am I listening and really hearing him? Is he really listening to me? That is enough most days. Some days, our relationship is simply an emotional "why not"? and often, for me... these are the best days.

tt: vegetable lollipops!! LOL. Hubs has been experimenting with all kinds of jello shooters (which is weird, because we have a fridge full of them... 'coz no one's in the mood to eat any; I think he just likes playing mad scientist)... and he tried a bloody mary recipe that would make a great marinade... but NOT a jello shooter.

sKePTiKal:

--- Quote ---...but is a man worth it...
--- End quote ---

Worth what, Boat? I'm curious what downside you anticipate "enduring" for a little love & respect & someone to walk a path through life with you? My guy like magazines, toys, neat things, and is a spectacular bargain hunter/gatherer. Expert in Math. Doesn't leave his clothes laying around the house. CAN be... when he wants to be... just as organized and anal as I can - just differently than myself. Has learned it won't kill him to do the dishes and that "how" their done is way less important to me, than just the fact that someone else besides me does them, sometimes. He defers to me quite a bit on normal day to day decisions, when I'd like him to make some of them. He is an attention-dependent glutton and never seems to be satiated or even comfortable being on his own. That's my guy's downside... and trust me, he's worth it!!!!! Even if there are days I want to literally run screaming from the house just to be alone and think my own thoughts for longer than 5 minutes.

Because he loves me; he listens to me and my babble... he helps me think about big complex things that make my head hurt... he really, really likes it when I'm happy & playing with him, instead of by myself... and he's trying to figure out what the magic formula is... and I could overlook a whole bunch of the things that "make me crazy" anyway... when I remember that I don't want him to change or be what he's not; I love him for the big little boy that he is... and that's quite enough to base a relationship on & make up everything else from there:

he loves me and I love him.

Oh... and "A" man... is overly general - I've found they're really not interchangeable, after "trading in" a couple. And there's no one "type" that a girl should look for, either... tall, dark & handsome can be extremely N and a vile, demanding perfectionist person to live with.

I'm not saying that reading all the dating books and thinking about this topic is a waste of time - not at all. I do think a lot of them miss the warm, fuzzy, mystical stuff... the "magic" part of relationships a lot of times. What they do really well though, is provide a whole lot of information about how other people think about relationships and dating; what's important to these other people... and when our FOOs did very little to model how men/women interact in a healthy fashion... when all we learned was what we didn't like; or what was wrong... we need some way to learn the "social" conventions and values and ways of thinking about this.

Then: evaluate, try on, experiment, sort & toss that doesn't work for you... keep what does.

May the arrows of Cupid fly true... and connect you to a "man" who doesn't fit any of your expectations... and that you don't WANT to live without.

Meh:
Thank ya P.
I liked reading the story of you and your husband. How and where did you guys meet?

...but is a man worth it...

Worth what you ask? Well P that is a very good question, I never quite looked at it from that angle before.

I suppose I anticipate a few negative things. Mainly because I have never had a really good relationship with somebody only occassional lighthearted fun flights of fancy that usually prove that the guy is pretty slutty etc. the player thing.

I guess I feel that maybe I have to pretend that I like watching football, have interest in dirt bikes and wrestling as a compromise and I may need to attempt to wear high heels even though I never do. Etc. Also more seriously some relationships morph into something mean spirited, heartless.

sKePTiKal:
Yes, there are lots of stories of relationships gone bad. I wonder how many stories are out there about the good ones?

See my post above about relationships NOT being a transaction kind of thing... if you have to be anything except you, to have the relationship... if you have to conform to some "idea"... it's already not going well. Sometimes those feelings come from our own collection of dusty, obsolete ideas... but if it's an explicit requirement to participate in the relationship... sigh... some guys really don't know any better.

Hubs & I aren't a perfect couple, by a long shot. I think we both appreciate a little insecurity... danger... excitement so we make-believe it's there and make jokes about how I'm gonna divorce him because of his stacks of magazines and clutter-kingdom garage. But we talk, plan, compromise and share just about everything that the other one is going through... and we get in each other's way, we babysit each other needlessly, we constantly try to improve the other... and irritate the other no end! It was a huge breakthrough for me, when I finally learned that we could be mad as hell at each other... and it wasn't the end of the relationship. We weren't happy... but neither of us was going anywhere either.

The relationship can grow, flex, bend... adapt to life-crap... and while neither one of us has a strong history of "commitment" in the ideal sense, we don't have any desire to go anywhere else, either. In the practical sense... we just like being together and taking care of each other. Not an awful basis for a relationship, right? No mushy, mucky, icky stuff... stuff no real people can live up to all the time.

A little romantic mush from time to time might not be a bad thing tho....

Meh:
Alright, I feel that I've made this thread all about me, going to stop on this thread now. It was just a hot topic for me.

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