Gennulman friend

[Hopalong]

I haven't talked to him since late summer since he was spiraling down, alcoholically, and I cannot bear to enable or watch it. Emotionally it was too hard and I am not equipped (especially having watching my first husband die of liver failure). It was a very tough exercise in boundary setting...he was angry, but also soooo sick.

Now he is in the hospital, thank God. I wrote his sister about his fainting, other symptoms, and she finally came out of her own denial and got him into detox. Even though I can't be in contact with him now, I am proud that I fought until people listened and now he's getting help.

I spent an hour with her Monday helping clean his place. It was heartbreaking. Roaches swarming everywhere, out of everything we touched, trash, filth. Truly a scene from "Hoarders". A photo she showed me from the first day she and her husband entered the apartment is beyond shocking...trash and bottles a foot deep. It's hard to believe just two years ago he served me a gourmet amazing meal in his pleasant little place.

I had been to the minister and got a small group to meet with him, so the church can send him messages and plan a supportive response when/if he is through treatment.

He is a gentle soul, overall, with a terrible disease. My hope for him is that this time, in this chapter of his life, he will be able to decide to live. He does know he is loved and valued, and has never been part of a community before. I hope the church makes the difference. His sister thinks it might.

Now I have to go write another thread about my D.

Hops

[Meh]

Good that he is in treatment now. He is lucky that you and his sister were able to do that for him.

[teartracks]

Hops,

You are the best person.  He is blessed to have you as a friend, even though you're not in contact.  You are truly amazing. 

Hugs,

tt

[Hopalong]

thank you TT...funny how I can help him, but it's so much harder to help my D.
I do love this man, as a friend...he moves me very much and is a good person with a terrible problem.

My D is not gentle and kind, she is, well, kind of brutal. So helping her is more like rescuing a porcupine.
You may love it with all your heart, but you need gloves.

My prayer is the brutality has just been a survival thing she developed in her grief and that it won't be
a theme of her whole life. (She's absorbed by extreme fighting, boxing, stuff like that. Violent movies.)

(I mis-wrote about the church meeting, it wasn't WITH him...he's in the hospital...but it was about him.
Just me, his sister, the minister, and another friend of his who's been amazing in pushing him to get out of denial.)

rambling,
Hops