Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Therapists
Meh:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on December 28, 2011, 06:21:35 AM ---You're welcome, Boat. I think that is what is frustrating....getting the sense that the therapist is not being thoughtful. It feels as if they are not really listening.
Bones
--- End quote ---
Yeah, one doesnt listen with just the ears or through our mental filters of our own agendas. One hears without a real agenda or time schedule. Maybe one does hear through the heart when one is really listening but hey that can't happen all the time out there in this big world. But it's nice to remember.
Meh:
Could practically bite chunks and shake my head back and forth with the pages in my mouth, out of the book on dating but I'm going to read it anyways. Just in case.
Will try therapist at least one more time just in case.
Listen to music every moment I can and flip it to anybody that says I'm frivolous
I've always felt a slight homeness amongst artists types, musicians I could just crawl into their instrument cases LOVE music LOVE IT
Musicians are like the luckiest people ever
Part of me says about the therapy stuff is that:
"I don't care how much I like or love or know myself, I just want somebody else to LOVE me".
I want to cheat on myself with somebody else for once.
May have to tell some lies to myself in order to do this. Honestly, I have to ask myself if there isnt a NEED to REBEL against myself.
I ask myself am I having important failures or just plain old failures that are a waste of lifetime energy.
sKePTiKal:
The sewing room: talk about an aimless walk or ramble....
I CAN make: clothes - tailored, lined, fitted... not quite "couture"... but the bridesmaids dresses I made still impress me, in the pictures. I make toys, kids clothes - would LOVE to have a granddaughter (even niece) to make "heirloom" dresses for... lots of hand work... lace, etc. I can make utilitarian things: bags, curtains, cushions. upholstery...
CAN...
but don't.
Then again - a lot of "who I am" is wrapped up in making things.... pick a medium... I'm thinking about taking a welding class, just to play with the tools and make something out of steel. I make things - period. Maker. Been making candy stuff in my kitchen; first stuff I've "made" in a couple of years. Cooking is Making. Becoming... oneself... is "making".
sKePTiKal:
Boat: there's nothing wrong or screwy with you.
This where your past Ts have failed you. You are just fine... the "problem" - if we have to have one - is that you don't feel that way. I know. I don't either. But when I finally get pissed and clear all the crap away... that's what's left: nothing really wrong with me (considering). We've had a lot o' crap in our past... we survived... we're even surprisingly intact... we don't have to feel guilty or embarrassed about it. It WAS what it was. It isn't NOW.
I think - though what I think should be questioned - I think, you're just on the edge of finally "flying" out of your abusively defined "comfort zone". It may help to have that impartial third party to talk it through with... as you plan, negotiate, dream and dare to break out to [what?]... but it's still going to be you calling ALL the shots - when, what, why, how, and in what form...
in the end, it all comes down to you... and that oughta maybe might feel reassuring? After all: it was you that finally saw the rot and decay at the heart of FOO right? How dangerous it was for you... and got you OUT. Pronto. You saved yourself.
YAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!
river:
--- Quote --- I want to cheat on myself with somebody else for once.
--- End quote ---
............ love that, its funny. You're right in a way. All the blurb out there that says 'love yourself' when we're designed to love and be loved by another. I think this 'love yourself' takes some translating into reality to make it realistic.
r.
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