Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Therapists
Meh:
Oh, and people point out to me that "we" should be grateful for the charity tooth brushes. No joke.
Yeah I can see that, It's good to get the dumb little things that you need...but it's not enough and I'm not talking about needing a new hot tub, sports car, breast implants, pure breed pets, diamond rings, vacation homes... here. I just need to be able to buy my own junk and go to the doctor and have a dumb job to go to.
yeah I know I have a foul, glass have empty attitude....I don't care!!! I'm pissed off! I can't listen and hear and be receptive to these people anymore because they contradict each other and they only speak in vague terms....I tune them out- sort of blankly vapid stare at them and nod my head and they don't like me because they sense I'm being not respectful to authority...well what sort authority do they have? Not enough to be of any real assistance. I would like to tell them all to kiss it, but I won't I will sit there and politely just agree with them with a partial frown on my face. I need to think beyond my current circumstances, and the current personalities around this.
Social workers only work for those who will eventually and forever will be on disability or welfare or whatever. They don't have the ability to help me. They help people to be helpless.
Moving on.
I don't expect you to "get it". I just need to complain about it though.
Meh:
Don't worry you guys, I'm not offended.
I just get really particular about what I write and I know it's sort of weird that I even put it up on the board but for whatever reason its easier for me to write it in the context of a community and I think it helps me to. So I'm glad you are here.
I know in life during polite conversation there is a certain amout of give and take and just sort of going along with what each other says but I guess I'm not really bantering. I'm just trying to figure out some kind of psychological space to clarify issues.
I mean I recognize that every body on here has got their own issues going on.
Meh:
As far as the therapy goes, I'm not liking it. I don't come out of her office feeling better. During the time that I'm in the office I sense some kind of vagueness on her part and maybe that is because they are trained to be detached to the outcome of a situation. It could be that I sense that detachment. Could just be the fact that she really doesnt get it because she hasnt experienced it herself.
The other thing is I notice that feeling loved is an energizing warm feeling and its obvoius that its got to be healthy to feel this way.
Therapy on the other hand is literally the wound picking process, it is not love, and I get sort of emotional and weepy....that gives me the feeling of weakness. I really have to ask myself what is the clinical value of this action--the therapist picking somebodies wounds versus helping the person get to a better place. I'm just not convinced it's good to re-experience pain.
I swear that if people just treated each other better then nobody would need therapy. I know its over simple....but hey it is simple!
Meh:
I'm feeling a lot of frustration and anger related to therapy. During a walk outside I was considering this and still trying really hard to understand if therapy is indeed helping me or not. There are just so many layers. My current crisis is one thing but even when I am not having a "crisis" I still have an undercurrent of issues. So maybe I will stick with the therapy even if its just for the fact that its free to me right now. Chances are when I have income I wont be spending it on $75 an hour therapy like I used to.
Part of my frustration is the effort it takes to try to explain to the therapist and also a feeling that she doesn't get it.
I think she wanted to get me out of a rumination type cycle and I understand that BUT I still feel like I'm ruminating on the same stuff with the "problem solving" paper work crap. Its just papers with words that are supposed to identify problems.
Duh- the financial one comes up now --but this wasn't always the case. Even when I have money I still have problems that led me to where I am..its like a weird cycle pie chart (in my mind). But maybe it is in my mind. I don't know what the F*ck my problem is anymore. I think its all obvious and clear and trying to look at it any deeper just makes me feel more confused. I'm homeless- meaning I don't have any sense of stability and even the stupidest tasks that should be easy are a pain in the rear---DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT TO HER? If I have to she doesn't get it. BUT instead of getting all pissed off I will try to write it all out and politely explain it to her. I get at these points where my mind just gets going in too many directions. I thought I was focused going into therapy but now I feel unfocused again and I HATE that!. Maybe there is a little of tunnel vision going on but the feeling of tunnel vision focus helps me to feel like I am in control and have a purpose.
I sort of think that she has this whole thing in her mind of how it's important for her patients to be motivated. I was motivated to make an appointment with her even though that process even took a while I still jumped through all the hoops. I'm motivated for my life to get better BUT I don't know how to make that happen. I don't see the light at the end of the f'ing tunnel.
I will try to just write something more out to speak to her about.
Maybe the problem is that it really is impossible to explain some things to some people. I guess if I'm struggling to make her understand that is a whole issue in itself that I don't need. I have other things I want to focus on--not on the feeling like I can't say it in a way that makes sense to her.
Meh:
The bouncing box is at the bottom of my posts I need to start new box:
The other thing I wonder about is if this therapist has her own aversion to anger and frustration. I know I did when I was younger I almost never felt angry even though I had emotional problems back then probably the same ones I still have today.
Last night my mother wanted to talk to me on the phone- she wanted to tell me how fortunate she is and she includes me in that too because she assumes that she can tell me how I am supposed to feel and think and what I'm supposed to believe. So my mother trys to tell me that I am fortunate and dumb bull crap like that. Honestly I just want to kick her head right off her shoulders like a ball on a football field. I realize some people will never ever ever EVER be able to understand something like this.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version