Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

update - NC broken but will be maintained

<< < (6/12) > >>

Ales2:
Ok, so the visit with the T was not a success. He is aware of my issues and concerns for sure but his advice was not very helpful and not likely something I can/will consider.  Instead of feeling bad about the session,  I guess I realized that I dont always have to take the advice I am given. It was more practical than I wanted and less psychological, but obviously thats what he thinks I need.  Anyway, I'll move forward in my own way - I'm pretty sure that I can.

sKePTiKal:

--- Quote --- oh yeah, this is all a LIE, my emotional roadblock is that I was told/taught something was wrong with me when nothing really is.
--- End quote ---

Ales, I go through the same "reminding" cycle about the "lie". It's as if the first time 30% of my brain "got it" and then got used to it. If felt like a huge change in me, because it was the first time anything like that had changed. The next reminder, maybe it was extended to another 10%... and then maybe it needs to become my "normal" at the cellular level... (as many times as I've had these "reminder" moments).

All part of the process. Shrug it off (give yourself some slack; no kicking or beating yourself up!) and keep on goin'.

Ales2:
Thanks Phoenix - the lie is powerful. Its like its ingrained. When I keep searching for answers and meeting with people that I really dont need. I just need to be secure with myself inside. Its so simple and yet so hard for me sometimes. I can also see how many things were done backwards - ever heard the sating - are you doing things to be happy? WRONG ORDER. You do things that demonstrate you already ARE happy. Big difference. I do this with alot of things and I have to remember that! 

I keep saying if I write a book, it will be very indepth and would include practical, psychological and spiritual solutions to each problem.

What I learned from my T experience is what I told him - I am always being pushed into a direction I dont like going in and then I wonder why I am always off course... doing it backwards!

Ales2:
Can I also say that I find "understanding" or being "misunderstood" as an N wound?  When I was in the T the other it occurs to me how much I need someone to understand and validate my desire for a family. I don't think all my sorority sisters who married between 25 and 30 ever sought understanding for being married. I think they were more self confident and more autonomous than me and just went out and did it.  I get frustrated or feel frustrated when I'm not understood but I doubt very few autonomous and emotionall healthy people have this problem, they assume the problem is with the other person and just do as they wish.

I also think needing to be understood is a major source of frustration and victimization. Victims need someone to validate their feelings when they've been wronged and get victimized again when people don't.

Anyone agree/feel similar with me?

Ales2:
Had a blowout with my NMother this morning. I really dug into with the insults and for the first time ever, I told her what I really thought of her which is that she is a selfish whore, yep, I said it, I said that she married my Dad for his money and never cared about us kids, as is evident with the abusive treatment and neglect she's shown over the years. Argument started because I am starting my own business venture and we already have financial ties that need to be changed and she started in with the undermining and insults, she thinks what I am doing is a scam and that Im not qualified etc. This coming from a 75 year old woman who has not worked since 1968, when I was born. She married my Dad and had children which she clearly never wanted to avoid having to work. Dad became a very successful physician and we inherited nothing when he died in 2000. She's been living quite well of his money for 12 years now and during that time, has lied to us over the years about her financial situation while undercutting us kids (42 and 44) so that we remain close to her.

I was wrong in what I said, I mean in the sense that it was cruel, but I meant it and I feel its true.  She never got the education she wanted, so she controlled and manipulated us to have one, discouraged my dating life and sabotaged numerous of my relationships and derailed my plans to own a home. Anyway, I still have a lot of resentment with her that comes out in these arguments although I feel so much better afterwards.  She cant hurt me anymore than she already has, there is no chance of us ever having a normal relationship and I dont care to, so I just say.do what I feel.  She incredibly uncaring and completely emotionally immature. There were a couple of areas where I should not have said anything, but not sorry that I did.

Ugh. Nice way to start the weekend.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page