Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on November 13, 2007, 05:52:14 AM
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struggle
And the everyday struggle continues. I had a substitute on Friday. Yesterday Monday when I came back, my clock on the wall had disappeared. My paper clips were all spread on the desk, several things that I had deep inside my drawers were outside showing me that they had access to my belongings.
Why do they dislike me so much? There are other teachers there who have children playing Nintendo all day, going in and out of the classroom, teaching nothing, and they are loved and nobody bothers them. I teach very well, have an impeccable classroom, work all the time and my students are learning very well, and they dislike me, and make my life miserable. Dr. U is not there anymore, but I still feel the unwelcomeness. I do not know if Dr U started it or it was there before. But those behavior problems were there last year, and this year I have much less behavior problems, only once period bad, all the rest of the day is very nice. How can I discern if I had a good day and I just feel bad? I wish I could know.
I feel totally confused, alone and lonely.
No openings other places right now. Until summer will not be openings.
I need to survive. Until summer when I can look for another job.
But if I do not know if I had a good day, any other place I am going to feel the same. Because the otehr teachers do not talk to me I do not know if they have the same problems and it is just me. When I ask they tell me that thier classes are perfect, but I know that things happen there too. But they do not tell me. I am always isolated. Everywhere I go. Nobody trusts me. Like my mother.
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I do not want to pay thirty dollars ro that woman on Wednesday. She is not worth it. So much sacrifice on my part and she is ignorant. She does not even have a phd only a masters. How do I know that she knows what she is doimg? She did not impressed me with her vocabulary.
I have the impression that CB, Ami. Hop and Lighter know more psichology than her.
Please help. What should I do?
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Dear Lupita,
Yesterday, on the web came across 'Reach Out' site with 2 insightful articles;
'Challenging Negative Self-Talk' http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=2251 (http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=2251)
'Common Thinking Errors' http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=2252 (http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=2252)
Maybe something there that shines a light for you.
Love, Leah
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I don't think you should spend that money if you're going to go into that woman's office and feel awful about it the whole time.
On the other hand..... Mr. V wants you to feel better, improve your attitude and not feel hunted in the school.
How can you do that, without going to this woman?
You have to change the way you're thinking about your situation.... .that's a given but it's hard.
You'll change your employment as soon as you can.
I'm sorry this is so hard for you...... I know you'll look back someday and say..... "Ohhhhh, that's why I had to go through all this."
Until then, it's a struggle. I think you're winning the one at shcool, if that helps: /
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I have the impression that CB, Ami. Hop and Lighter know more psichology than her.
YEEEEEESSSSSSS
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Dear Lupita,
I have been to so many shrinks---of all varieties. The board has so much more wisdom than all of them--put together(IME)
Lupita,I think that you are making progress.It is slow,but you have a lot to overcome.
You are a miracle to be functioning as you are.
Now, you see that your insides are determining your external environment(to a large extent). You did not see this last year. That is a big step.
Have you read Gabbenangel's posts. She is a treasure(IMO). She has forced herself to face the pain and from this she is shooting up like a flower--filled with beauty.
To me, that has to be your destination---facing all the pain. At some point, you will see that it was NOT your fault--at all. At some point, the spell will be broken and you can be free to be you ,without the horrible messages of shame.
My heart goes out to you. When you told the story of your M giving you bad food and laughing when you got sick,my heart broke for you. I told my S about that last night. He almost cried,too.
Lupita, you have "earned" the right to every pain that you have . No one should ever judge you unless they suffered the same way.
I think that you CAN reclaim yourself --if you go slowly and are willing to face the big ball of pain inside that is driving your life.
Love to You , Ami
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Dear lupita - I am thinking of you every day though I don't always have any encouraging or inspiring words to say.
It is strange to say but the misbehavior of kids is not personal but just what they would do to any teacher. They don't see you as an equal but as a Superior Authority. They believe your power is greater than theirs and so for them it is mischief to see if they can pull tricks on someone who has power.
I know you don't feel like you have power and it just feels like they are your equals (except in age of course) who are just being jerks to you. But they see only your ROLE, and not your SOUL. They are kids and aren't deep. Even if some of them are deep, they lack broad experience so they have huge blind spots and areas of total ignorance. They will learn by steady enforcement of rules so that in 5 or 10 years they can say, 'Wow Ms. Lupita was right to send me to the principal. I definitely deserved it!' But they won't say it now! I'm sure many of their parents are being treated the same exact way and are wondering how in the world to make their child mind them and respect their teachers. And I also think that people who say "everything is perfect. I have no problem. It must be all YOU." Are lyiiiiinnnnnnng!
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Dear Lupita,
If she is kind, and a good listener, she is worth $30.
You need a THREE-D friend and advisor.
I hope you will go.
love
Hops
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Dear Lupita,
I hear what Hops is saying about 3-D. My inner child book says that IF you have had severe trauma(which I think that you have ,Lupita), that you could use s/one 3 D to help you.
However, where I am "concerned " with this current lady is if she CAN help you to heal deeply?
Since, you don't have money to waste,Lupita, I would be very wise about where you spend that money .I would pray and ask God to lead you to the right person. Love Ami
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Dear Lupita,
A kind, good listening ear is priceless.
My hope also, that you go along.
Love,
Leah
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Guess will give it a try. Not a long time. Just a few times. The church is helping only with six sessions. After that I am on my own. Aneway 30 times 6 is 180, that is too much money anyway. And after that I am on my own.
Still, I feel very lonely.
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At least, and at last, I had a good day yesterday. Hope that those days repeat more often. Still do not feel happy. I am afraid to feel happy and suffer again because of things going on. I am afraid to feel well and have to feel bad again. I am afriad to be positive and recieve negative. If I go high I have to fall and hurst more when going down.
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The problem with self-talk is that it always feels true. Even though your thoughts might often be biased or incorrect, you tend to assume that they're facts when they're actually perceptions.
I started the article. Thanks Lea. HOw do I know it is a fact or a perception? There is no way I can know.
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Good Gravy, Lupita...
You know you aren't a bad person.
You know you don't deserve the bad treatment you receive.
You know the Bible Study Teacher doesn't deserve it either.
You know Dr. U was fired bc he's a butthead.
You know that he treated you and the Bible teacher badly.
You know that kids/teens aren't perfectly behaved for anyone.
You know that you're smart and a very good teacher.
You know your skills are in demand.
You know you have a problem with confidence, boundaries and asserting yourself.
You can work on confidence, boundaries and asserting yourself.
You know you love to dance so, keep dancing.
You know your mother's treatment of you wasn't appropriate... and that you have to overcome that and the negative voice it left in your head.
I know you're smart enough to handle all this, overcome this and feel better.
I don't blame you for fearing feeling good.... only to have your pegs knocked out from under you.
That's part of growing stronger.... unfortunately.
You have to start trusting yourself to take care of you.
Sighing and focusing on the jackass instead of becoming freaked out and fearful and allowing them to persue you throughout the school.
The jackass wouldn't persue Mud through the school..... the jackass would have to face Mud.
You can face the jackasses too, Lupita.... and be less bothered by it.
It'll just take practrice and learning not to become overwhelmed, which is your job.... it's everyone's job. That's one of the things I learned in therapy that's worth the 30 bucks you'll be paying.
I hope you learn just one important thing that helps you... and find the 3 D validation everyone needs in their life.
Just being validated can help, btw.
You'll become more sure of how you feel and that your perceptions are pretty on target, you'll keep being very careful that you aren't making anything up and get stronger.
Nothing fancy, just becoming more secure in your own skin.... learning to protect yourself and recognize people's behavior for what it is a little more quickly. Observer mode.... not so emotionally available for them to take apart... ya know?
I highly doubt you;d go through the same exact struggle again, simply bc you've been there, done that.... skip the agonizing and accept the reality, deal with it. That's BIG, Lupita.... it means you've gained more experience, internalized it, grown from it and learned better how to deal with it.
I think Mr. V didn't save you.... I think he validated your own worth to you.
Sometimes I read your posts, lately anyway, and it's like you're a bit uncomfortable being validated. You pretend it's something else or not for you, but for the bible study teacher, and you don't acknowledge that it's YOU that was valued and Dr. U who was shunned.
It won't be comfortable. It won't feel like home. It won't be easy..... but you're finding your place at that school. Accept it and remember....
you can fake it till you make it.
Lupita is worthy, maybe more worthy than many. Maybe that's one reason why the try to tear you down?
They feel badly about themselves, then you come along.... certainly more qualified and well educated than any of them.... AND you're a foreigner.
Some small people have prejudices for no reason and the world is full of trouble that causes even sedate people to feel unrest with people from other countries right now. Now you're as much a citizen as anyone else so feel it in your chest and don't let people take that feeling from you anymore.
My point is.... that you have to start feeling worthy and capable inside your chest...... and it'll come with these experiences and others.
Don't assume life will remain this hard, it won't.
You'll figure some things out but, then you;ll face new ones. You'll continue to grow, whether you want to or not.
Look how far you've already come.
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Dear Lupita,
CB has given profound insightful wisdom and signposting to enable the making of a better 'choice' in how you 'see' the events of each day.
The negative self-talk highlights incorrect thinking patterns .... when one can only 'see' the negative at every turn, and thereby, inwardly building up a condition of inner turmoil.
In life, it is my belief, that we need a right balance, with healthy choices, and don't feel the need to expound any further on CB's superb illustrations.
Having a right balance, accepting and dealing with both negative and positive aspects of daily life, making right choices, while living on my own, having been forced to live in an otherwise unknown new location, and building a new life all over again, has not been easy, but, the daily choices that I make each day, in my new life, truly make a real and lasting difference.
With all honesty, the choices are made with an inner peace, and serenity.
Love, Leah
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I have been thinking about this post while I was at the gym.I am going to be really honest.If you want to throw cyberspace tomatoes-- so be it.
I think that different people have different levels of abuse. It is very easy to tell s/one else how they should "get over it". There ARE different levels of victimization. They are as different as two different "cultures". The thought process(in the victim) that results from severe abuse is "skewed". It is not going to get better with 'affirmations(IMO).It takes a dredging of the swamp.AFTER the swamp is dredged, then affirmations or positive thoughts can apply.
One person's abuse is so different than another persons. .
As I heal,I have had to stay strong against people who wanted to tell me to do it a "different( better) way. I am glad that I did not listen.I am glad that I had enough backbone(when it came right down to it) to trust myself. My ultimate goal is to trust myself----not win any popularity contests.
That is one huge goal of healing-- to learn to trust ourselves.
I think that a really abused person needs to accept WHERE they are----right now. That is the first step to healing. Then==face,face,face the pain. Then replace the old brainwashing with new ideas.
That is my opinion Ami
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Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat that you're in does have a motor. You can use it to change course. That motor is your power of choice.
Love,
Leah
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started my day at 5:00 am. Tought school all day, and had several negative interaction with the new principal. I know that they did not wnat me there since before Dr U. Now Dr U is not there anymore. I sitll feel unwelcome. I know that I have to work and not need anymore than my paycheck.
It is so sad when I see all others being happy and laughing and rexieivng smiles from her, smiles that I never recieve. I know that I have to find something else. But I have to survive this year.
Very lonely. Extremely lonely. Life sucks.
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((((Lupita))))-
Sorry that you are having such a hard time. Hope you find time to be with your friends and loved ones, and you can put the professional world in an emotional "box" until you are in a better place. Enjoy your work as much as posible and keep your heart protected until you are with your loved ones.
Love and Best Wishes for a Happy Friday ( the weekend is coming!!!)
Love,
Changing
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Lupita
I am sorry that you feel bad about your life. Seems like you are lost and you cannot find your way out of the pain. Many people have written to you to tell you that you are the only one who can change your life. Seems like you cannot comprehend this and do not know how to do it. I wish you would have a big realization, a big revelation and finally see that only you have the power to change your life. What can you do to change your life? How about these:
If you don’t like the $30 therapist, find someone you do like.
Try to stop being so paranoid that everyone in school hates you. Don’t focus so much on other teachers at school, just try to enjoy teaching and doing your job.
Stop being so negative. Negativity only hurts you. You need to change the way you think, change the way you look at the world. Your negative attitude is self defeating. Your own negativity is screwing yourself over. Why do this to yourself? Why torture yourself like this? You are only hurting yourself, can’t you see this? Can’t you comprehend this?
Please do not start off with a negative attitude towards the new principal. Just be nice, courteous and professional. You say you want to receive smiles, but do you give smiles? People will probably not want to smile at you if you are radiating negativity. Again, it is within your power: if you want to receive smiles, don’t have a negative vibration, instead, radiate warmth and positivity.
On the other hand, let’s assume that people at school hate you and no one smiles at you. So, what are you going to do? Are you going to let them drive you crazy and make you miserable for the rest of the school year? Truth is not everyone has to like you, just as you don’t like everyone. If no one likes you at school even if you are warm and friendly, then the school is a toxic environment, so just do your job the best you can and change jobs for next year. In the meantime, work on getting rid of your negativity. Use this experience to help you grow, change and heal.
Can you look at your life right now in terms of God has put you in this position so that you can learn a lesson. What is the lesson God wants you to learn? Maybe that lesson is to learn to love yourself and to stop being negative and self defeating so that you can live a better, happier life.
How about reading self help books at the library?
How about speaking to your doctor about taking an anti-depressant? Maybe you feel negative because you feel depressed. What do you think?
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started my day at 5:00 am. Tought school all day, and had several negative interaction with the new principal. I know that they did not wnat me there since before Dr U. Now Dr U is not there anymore. I sitll feel unwelcome. I know that I have to work and not need anymore than my paycheck.
It is so sad when I see all others being happy and laughing and rexieivng smiles from her, smiles that I never recieve. I know that I have to find something else. But I have to survive this year.
Very lonely. Extremely lonely. Life sucks.
Dear Lupita,
Observer has been brave enough to speak the truth. It's up to you what you choose to do with it.
"Life sucks"
Why does life suck??
You have a profession
You have a professional job
You can walk
You can see
You can hear
You can speak
I could go on ......
My dear best friend grasped at life until her last dying breath, at the age of only 30years of age, with her small son left behind asking "where is my mommy?"
The difference is -- she always said "It's a Wonderful Life" and she never gave up her warm genuine smile.
Oh, she had reason to feel bitter, but she chose not to. Would add that her Mother (most likely an N) never once visited her or offered a word of comfort.
Life does not suck.
Life is precious.
So live it, please, by being true to yourself first, and then you will be able to equip yourself to make the most of it.
With sincerity,
Love, Leah
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Hello friends. We went to a game. Three teachers were in charge of one bus. When we were leaving the drivier (teacher) just took everybody and went to the bus while I was one moment in the bathroom. The new principal (ex assistant principal) never has anything positive. I asked her if hse had seen him. Instead of sayiing yes or no, she just said "I hope he has the fifth graders" It was like she always say something negative. The mesage I got was that I was not doing a good job. I felt comfortable going to the bathroom because he was there with the children, plus another teacher. Plus one of the children is his own daughter. He would never leave them alone. I was just to the bathroom for a few seconds. I never ever get smiles. Never from that woman and her friends. She smiles to the others. She changes her face when I am in the sorroundings. I think everything comes from the pastor. The pastor is poisoning people against me. I just need to survive this year. Just the rest of the year.
I am sorry for the lack of empathy from some posts. Lack of empathy never helps. Just hurts. It makes me feel even more lonely than I was before, because that means no even in this board I am safe.
It is sad. Very sad.
I guess I should take a brake from the board. I am not equiped with the tools to deal with hurting comments. I feel even more depressed. More lonely and more rejected. Even here I am rejected. I thought I could open my heart here. I am sad that there is no place where I can say what I feel with out being hallmered. Life is sad. I do not like life.
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Dear Lupita,
People freely give of their time and energy posting on your thread posts because they genuinely do care about you, and I include myself.
Genuine care and concern; for how destructive and unhealthy your negative thinking is, for you, and for your health.
Encouragement; to sit and speak with someone face to face, anyone, and talk about your feelings of negativity, and paranoia
your perception of the pastor poisoning everyone against you. Is this the same pastor who stood up and addressed the whole school for you??
Lupita, if they did not want you to teach, be a care custodian of the young people in your class, then they have the power to
end your contract with notice.
But they have not done that.
Which surely is evidence that they do want you.
They renewed your contract from last year.
Such positive reality speaks for itself.
My thoughts are that the problem lies with your Perception of peoples facial expressions, gestures, and actions --- thinking they are thinking in a certain way against you, when they most likely are not.
You say they don't smile at you --- but how about you? Do you smile? Why not be the one to smile first?
Genuine Empathy for negativity with wisdom and signposting for overcoming negativity is what so many have taken their time to
positively give to you, to enable you to make healthy choices.
Choices that only you can make.
Love, Leah
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You're going to be OK, Lupita.
Gotta stop letting the despair have it's way with you.... stop mourning and feeling sad that some people suck.... they just do and it's nothing to do with you. I'm not finger pointing at Leah here.....
That Principal and that Pastor don't know enough about you to judge you the way they have. It's small minded bigotry and prolly envy, to some degree.
So....... I know it's hard not to despair when you're trapped. But it helps to just accept whats going on (however unfair) and shrug it off.... skip the despair.
There are things waiting for you beyond the despair......
Yes, I realize I keep repeating the thing with the despair, but it's my message to myself this morning too and.....
IT'S BIG!
Don't leave just yet, Lupita...... I know you'll come back but.... I'd be sad if you took that break away from the board right now. Every post has something to learn from, even if it's something you find you don't agree with or like, it teaches a lesson and strengthens your opinions about yourself and how you'll handle similar things in the future.
Don't you know.....
some day you'll be helping people who've been where you are?
That's the next step in the learning process.... you become the teacher and the lessons grow within you.
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Thank you Lighter. I really needed something positive before I went to work this morning. I really needed something to help me cope with the day. Fortunately, in the game I descovered that several kids, many kids, really love me. I need somebody to love me to be able to keep goimg. Bad, I know. Like Pop and bean and so many friends that we call our selves junk needy. I am so needy, that is distroying me.
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Thank you Lighter. I really needed something positive before I went to work this morning. I really needed something to help me cope with the day. Fortunately, in the game I descovered that several kids, many kids, really love me. I need somebody to love me to be able to keep goimg. Bad, I know. Like Pop and bean and so many friends that we call our selves junk needy. I am so needy, that is distroying me.
Dear Lupita,
Respect your honesty in being true about yourself. That is commendable.
You know Lupita, Genuine Love and Care does not always say the things one wants to hear --- the truth.
The truth about ourselves is the key to freedom --- unlocking the door is a choice.
Love to you today and hope that you have a productive day, hopefully with a nice Lupita style smile :)
Leah
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I need help to dispute irrational thoughts, but they have to be irrational. If I am seeing something that I believe exists, how can somebody call me paranoide?
Today, day has not even started and already had a problem. Kids are waiting for English teacher. Outside alone, with out supervsion. So I go to the office and the secretary tells me she will take care of it. So I go to the teachers room to plan my day and the substitue comes and tells me " I was told that you open the door for children unsupervised enterd Mr. English teacher classroom" I said, no no no. I would never do that. My classroom was vandalized on Monday because somebody open the door for students. Now they know that probably Mr English teacher open the door, so I suffer. And now they come with the ridiculous story that I did it. So, the substitute came and did not find the students. I told the substitute that I am in the hands of the Lord and if they do not like me it is their problem because I am doing an excelletn job with the students and God has to see it. She went to the library to see if she could find them. Mr. Enmglish teacher always comes late, gets coffee from the office, is abusive to the students and everybody loves him. I do a good job, I work hard for my kids. And I am always in trouble. I neevr recieve anything positive.
I guess the only positive thing is that I am still here. But there is something going on that I do not know because I am not part of the group. They do not let me be part of the group. They block me. Why? I do not know. There are four new teachers. They never met before. Now they are wonderful friends. They lunch together. talk in the intermissions, enter the office, drink coffe. And they are new from different states. But they treat them as if they knew them for years. I have one year and a half and they still reject me. No matter what I do. There are several teachers who have children paly nintendo in class, you see the door children are coming in and out of the classroom, no classroom management, those teachers do not have any problem, but I do control my class, my students learn and we are working all the time. I am the one who is rejected. I do not understand life.
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Dear Lupita,
DON"T run away from the board-- in shame. I understand that you can't "receive " these messages It is NOT your fault--honestly ,Lupita . You cannot put them in b/c there is no "room" inside you. You are too filled with pain. I don't think that anyone here(IMO) suffered the way that you did. That is how I see it.I could be wrong.
Lupita--it is O.K to be JUST where you are. You can take baby steps. You already took the first one which is to see that you need help . .
None of it is your fault. You function beautifully based on how deeply you suffered.
Please---Lupita stay and work it out. The board is better than a therapist(IMO).
Lupita-- I will help you every step of the way.You can PM me ,if you want.
I think that you see that I have changed .
Lupita-----. You are a beautiful person. Trust me Lupita. None of it was your fault. You were simply brainwashed by a sadistic person(IMO) . I am sorry if what I said hurts but I am saying it with love. Ami
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Yikes, Lupita.
I think it get's easier to understand life.... once you figure it's really not fair.
It's just not. ::shaking head::
You learn to cover your ass..... not stick your neck out for others in an unsafe environment.... like your work environment, and keep keep moving ahead.
Have you ever heard, "No good deed goes unpunished?"
I think that's the case where you work.
Take care of your responsibilities and put your energy into your duties..... let the rest do the same for themselves.
I'm so glad you felt loved and welcomed by some of your students on that trip...... when you step back, you see there are positives AND negatives, like everywhere else in life.
Try not to get bogged down with the negative things.... there are positive things to dwell on too, ya know?
The good students, the excellent lesson plans you put together, the friendships you do have and the fact that you'll find another place to work soon enough.
Or not.... it's ok to have down times too. Just remember..... they won't last forever. They never do: )
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Lupita:
I know you are angry at some of the things that I wrote. But I believe that sometimes we have to feel pain in order to get better. I'd like to look at some of the things you wrote in order to show you what I'm talking about.
You wrote: "Instead of saying yes or no, she just said "I hope he has the fifth graders" It was like she always say something negative. The mesage I got was that I was not doing a good job."
My comment: Ok, Lupita, so the new principal did not acknowledge your question, so what can you do to help yourself? How about ignore the fact that she didn't answer your question and just let it go? Don't take it personally. The new principal is not your friend. She is a work colleague. She doe not have to be your friend and she does not have to like you. Likewise, you do not have to be her friend and you do not have to like her.
It would be good if you and your colleagues could be friends, but, it’s alright if that doesn’t happen. You are at school to work, not to make friends, so just do your job in a professional way and do not take the slights of your colleagues personally.
It seems the New principal was concerned with the 5th graders and at that moment was not interested in speaking about the old principal. If you felt she was saying that you didn’t do a good job with getting the 5th graders on the bus, you could answer that another teacher was there and the bus driver wouldn’t leave the kids because his daughter is in the class. By saying this, you could have expressed yourself, so you are not voiceless. But, did you tell the driver and the other teacher that you were going to the bathroom? If you didn’t, then I can understand why the new principal might be upset. In any case, whether or not you made a mistake (and I’m not saying you did make a mistake), don’t let it ruin your day. We all make mistakes, we are human. So, if you did make a mistake (and I’m not saying you did make a mistake), just forgive yourself, try not to make that mistake in the future and let it go. Learn whatever lesson you can learn and do not ruminate on it.
You wrote: “I never ever get smiles. Never from that woman and her friends. She smiles to the others. She changes her face when I am in the sorroundings.”
My comment: Let’s assume the worst case: Let’s assume that none of your colleagues likes you at school and that you are the scapegoat. As I asked you yesterday, are you going to let this drive you crazy for the rest of the school year? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is that you must create a protective boundary around your feelings so that people who do not like you can’t destroy you. Maybe the lesson to learn here is that you must create boundaries to protect your feelings so that you do not allow other people to make you feel that “life sucks”.
You also need to learn the lesson that other people cannot make you feel good or bad about yourself. Only you can make you feel good or bad about yourself. Other people can only make you feel good or bad about yourself if you give them the power to do so. I think you give your power to other people and enable them to make you feel good or bad about yourself. This is a very important lesson that I hope you learn. This is the lesson about how we should not give away our power to other people. At this time Lupita, you give your power to other people and you allow other people to manipulate your emotions regarding how you feel about yourself and your life.
Lupita, I have a great deal of empathy for you. In fact, I have so much empathy that I feel hurt to see you making the same mistakes over and over again. If I did not have empathy for you, I wouldn’t be spending my time writing this. Don’t you want to stop making the same mistakes and start enjoying your life?
You wrote: I thought I could open my heart here. I am sad that there is no place where I can say what I feel with out being hallmered. Life is sad. I do not like life.
My Comments: This is not a fair comment and it is not true. People have been trying to help you for months. I interpret what you said as meaning that you only want to hear positive comments and you don’t want to hear the truth. But I think we cannot heal if we do not face the truth.
You wrote: “Fortunately, in the game I descovered that several kids, many kids, really love me.”
My comments: You see, people do in fact love you. You are loved.
You wrote: I need somebody to love me to be able to keep goimg. Bad, I know. Like Pop and bean and so many friends that we call our selves junk needy. I am so needy, that is distroying me.
My comments: Well, you said it: “I need somebody to love me to be able to keep goimg….. we call our selves junk needy. I am so needy, that is distroying me.” I agree, Lupita, this need to be loved can destroy you. I think your neediness is why you feel so upset when others do not smile at you. I think your neediness is what is called “co-dependent”, which means that you allow other people to define you, you give your power to other people so that you allow them to define you. If they do not smile at you, you feel deeply hurt. You need boundaries around your own emotions so that if people don’t smile at you, you won’t feel so hurt, you won’t give them the power to hurt you.
You wrote: Kids are waiting for English teacher. Outside alone, with out supervsion. So I go to the office and the secretary tells me she will take care of it.
My comments: Why did you get involved in this? It’s not your class. It’s not your responsibility. Let someone else, like the English teacher or the substitute take care of it. Just do your job, which is to teach your Spanish class. If you feel that the prinicipal and other teachers don’t like you, then why are you setting yourself up for more problems where they can scapegoat you?
You wrote: Mr. Enmglish teacher always comes late, gets coffee from the office, is abusive to the students and everybody loves him. I do a good job, I work hard for my kids. And I am always in trouble. I neevr recieve anything positive. I guess the only positive thing is that I am still here. But there is something going on that I do not know because I am not part of the group. They do not let me be part of the group. They block me. Why? I do not know. There are four new teachers. They never met before. Now they are wonderful friends. They lunch together. talk in the intermissions, enter the office, drink coffe. And they are new from different states. But they treat them as if they knew them for years. I have one year and a half and they still reject me. No matter what I do. There are several teachers who have children paly nintendo in class, you see the door children are coming in and out of the classroom, no classroom management, those teachers do not have any problem, but I do control my class, my students learn and we are working all the time. I am the one who is rejected. I do not understand life.
My comments: I see your usual negativity and focusing on other teachers. Stop being so negative, stop looking at the relationships that other teachers appear to have with each other. I believe that your negativity is why other teachers may not socialize with you. If you want to socialize with other teachers, try to smile and be more positive. Keep the conversation light, ask them about themselves, what their favorite movies are, things like that.
Lupita, I think you are a very good person and you want to do the right thing, but you are blind to the mistakes that you make, like your negative attitude. The world is not out to get you. The world is not against you. Although you do not like what I have written, I hope you will think about some of it.
I hope you stay on the board. People obviously care about you and I care about you, otherwise, I would not have spent all this time writing to you. I would like to see you change so that you could feel happier. Life does not suck. We all go through highs and lows, but it’s good to be alive.
Why don’t you spend some time thinking about where you want to work next year and investigating job opportunities? Do you want to stay in the same city? Move to another city or another state? Teach a different grade? Maybe you should start getting applications now so that you have plenty of time to apply for jobs?
Mucha buena suerte y mucho amor.
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(((((Lupita))))) If you have any time to look at the topic I started about friends, you will see I don't have it all together by any means.
One of the things I used to like about being a smoker was hanging around with other people who shared the same weakness as me. There is something really comforting and unpretentious about hanging around with people who admittedly have some area of being screwed up. ;)
One thing that worries me is that the negatives seem to feed upon each other and some parts of your posts remind me greatly of when I was depressed. When I was depressed, the more the negatives became prominent - I noticed them more, felt them more, remembered them more - the more it felt like sandpaper on an open wound to have people advise me, especially because I felt incapable of taking the advice. I was in a place too 'down in the pit' to just be practical and say 'okay I will make a list of things to do and just quit being negative and enjoy life now.' Does that sound right to you. Is that where you are?
What helped me most at that time was well for one thing I went to therapy. But the other thing that helped was seeking out comforting things all the time. Comforting music, comforting sleep, comforting paintings, movies, walks, flowers, animals. All the time. Doing this made me feel safer and, well, comforted. I needed that first before I felt like I could act. It was healing.
I hope you stay too lupita. Please don't go. I think everyone means well but not everyone is able to express their hearts in a way that is the way you need to hear it. It's like when we speak different languages and don't understand the other language too well, or at all. Then the heart felt words are not heard.
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Iphi, if I could push a button and feel positive, it would be wonderful. I cannot do that. Coming here to write is a major accomplishment and sometimes I get slapped in the face for being honest. I do not want to talk about your favorite movie here, or the weather, that is not the purpose of this board. So I am being honest. But it is impossible for me at 50 years old to just being told to be positive. I was punished for loving people, it was an insult to my mother to compliment somebody, she immediately told me that the only person I could love was her, that she is the only one that loves me and the only one that would give me a kidney and the only one I should like or love. All my life. Now, it is very difficult to feel well. Almost impossible. I am trying by coming here and using my time to write when sometimes I am afraid to be rejected and in fact I am rejected for saying how I FEEL. sorry I CANNOT FEEL the way people consider I should feel, I wish I could feel well, I wish I can take Ms. New Principal out of my thoughts, and the dirty smile I see in the teachers when they see me appear, and some of the students too. I wish I can take them away from my mind. I wish I could have peace. I wish somebody would hypnotize me and erase these hurtful thoughts of my mind. But coworkers and their dirty smile come back to my mind, the unfairness comes back to my mind, the envy I feel for those who are accepted comes back to my mind, the loneliness comes back.
I wish somebody helps me to dispute my irrational thoughts. But if I see the dirty smile is because there is a dirty smile. I am not imagining. Of course I could do with them is to turn my head away so I do not give them the pleasure to give me the look, because they are doing it in purpose, hypochristians, So, when we come back after thanks giving is that I am not going to give them the pleasure to give me the look. They give me the look because I look at them. If they see that my eyes are in a different direction and I totally ignore them they would have to find another victim to hurt. They do this to me because they know I am desperate for approval. They know that. And they are evil. But I will make a plan during this week of thanks giving so when we come back I will not look at them. So, their dirty look is wasted. I wont even notice how they looked at me. I am going to be so busy planning interesting classes that my mind will be out of them. They will see me running around making my copies and working hard, also they will hear the music that I sing with my students. I am going to start with Christmas music in Spanish and maybe in French too. Maybe a little in Russian too. When they hear my students singing in Russian they are going to have diarrhea for envy.
Also I am going to create phrases to say when they say something offensive to me. Also I am going to read a lot this week about thought changing.
I am going to lose weight this week. So they see me different and color my hair and have a hair cut. Will go to consignment stores and find new clothing.
Like lighter says one good feeling takes you to another good feeling. I have to ignore them, as they are naked. The new principal went to high school with the biology teacher, and with the Journalism teacher. That is why they are so good friends. I have accent, English is my second language, I am an immigrant and will never be part of the family. I was never part of my family. I was the escape goat of my family. It hurts so much. Plus the pastor wants my piano lessons for his beloved worship pianist leader Mr. M.
Also I would like to investigate the options to open a small business of latin food.
Why do you think they love bad teachers and reject hard workers? I will never know. I have to feel well even if they do not like me. Feeling well, it is something I have never experience in my entire life.
Observer, your first post was very b****ing, criticizing and judgmental, and the second is more human. Thank you for disputing my thoughts. I need reality checks. Some you are mistaken probably because you are not there and you do not know me like other members who know my story. But many sound very reasonable. Hope that you keep writing to me and keep disputing my thoughts. That helps. I wish o was wrong. I wish they did not hate me. Probably they just dislike me. Hope that they will not damage me. I mean in reality. Like to make me lose my job or set me up in a trap. Hope that I am wrong. Hope that the new principal only wants for me not to bother her. If I do not bother her she will not bother me. I am going to try. I have to invent to be creative so students do not disrupt and I do not have to use her services. I my class runs perfectly she will not bother me. Problem is that whether she likes it or not I need her back up because teen agers are always trying to do something. Teaching high school is very bad with out back up from the principal. But I will try and pray a lot.
I have said one million times, I have to survive the year. I will try to find something else during the summer. God will help.
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Also, I need to find a way to counteract the pastor. He is corrupted. He is dirty. He has no compassion. he is a bad person. And he makes a lot of money. He makes more money than anyody in the church or the school. I do not know how to deffend my self from him other than doing a good job and ignoring the people that he is convincing to humilliate me. That pastor is as bad as Dr. U. But they love him. I cannot fight with Samson. He is Samson but he must have a way to cut his hair. Mayve I just have to put my slef in God's hands and trust Gid to help me. The pastor is too bad and too powerful. I just need to survive this year or that God open a window so I can escape.
You see? I am on one week brake and I am still obcessed with those people.
God has to help me. God will help me. God will help me. Please God do not abandone me. Do not let that pastor damage me. Please God, I am your child. You will help me dear Lord. Do not abandone me. Please. I need to rest. I need peace.
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God will protect me from that pastor. It would not be the first time a pastor damages me. I kind of get sick when I think of pastors, This did not happen to me before. Hypochristians.
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I apologize to you for being judgmental and critical. But I am happy that you are going to start challenging irrational thinking. I’d like to suggest a book which I found very helpful called “How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything: Yes Anything!” by Albert Ellis. The title of the book, “How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything: Yes Anything!” is what I was attempting to say to you.
Albert Ellis was the founder of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) and one of the techniques is challenging irrational thoughts. I find REBT very helpful and I hope you will too. Here is the link explaining REBT: http://www.albertellisinstitute.org/aei/rebt_how_it_work_main.html. When you are at this website, please click the “Ask Our Therapist” link. There’s a question and answer there about someone who has problems at work and I think you could relate to it.
Mucha buena suerte y mucho amor.
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This goes directly to observer but if anybody can help I dearly appreciate it.
Help me discussing the sitution with the pastor. That does not let me sleep.
I deeply believe that the pastor .
My own question to my slef.
Why do you think that the pastor is against you?
1- he wanted the piano lessons ofr his beloved worship leader. Now it is not about the piano lessons by it self, but because I protested and asked for my piano lessons back, because I love them and because I really need the money. Could not survive with out that supplenet income.
2- When I complained about Dr. U the first thing he asked me was "why dont you leave?"
3- He constantly puts me in the spot, gives me unwelcome hugs, in front of public, he wants to make other teachers envious or just notice my presence.
4- He put me in the spot calling Mr. V in front of all the church to stand with me when I became member of the church. He wanted to make sure that everybody notice that Mr. V had helped me.
5- Teachers give me dirty looks, ugly looks, they would not do that unless they know they are backed up. They must have been told that I am disposable.
6- Many people treat me in a hostile way. They know their obligation is to make me feel uncomfortable so I leave on my own.
7- Pastor cannot fire me on his own. Powerful people of the church (school board) have to aprove.
8- Pastor is damaging me little by little and braking my spirit through the secretaries and his pall teachers. Not all the teachers, only his palls. A few.
My own dispute my own refutation:
I am still there. They have not fired me. (They cant) They are just making me suffer. That i can survive. If they do not use the children against me I will survive. The problem is when they starty coachind the children. I t has happened to me in the past and I have seen it done to different teachers.
It is vacation now. One week brake ofr thanks giving. When they come back (pastor is on a trip) they will be rested and I will hide around so they cannot see me and they cannot make me feel bad.
I am still there.
Nobody comes to my classroom to mess up with me.
Nobody gets out of their way to bother me. They only bother when I am exposed by closeness.
They only hurt me if I look at them in the eyes.
So, I only have one and only one thing to disputes to the whole thing.
I still have a job. Thay are bad but they do not go out of their way. Only if I found them in my way.
So I can avoid them. I am not afriad to be isolated because I have been isolated my entire life.
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Another good thing, I have less problems with the studnets. My problems with the students are minimum. Just the librarian's son and one other.
The elementary kids adore me and I adore them. And many of the high school kids like me and are nice to me.
I should think of an activity to encourage them and build closeness and build rlationship with the kids, like field trips or a Spanish festival, or something that they might enjoy.
I have to do something.
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((((((((((((((((Lupita)))))))))))))))) Just keep sharing your feelings and thoughts. By doing that, you will get "clearer" Love Ami
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As much as I try tu refute my thought that the pastor does not want me there, the only reasonable thing I can come up with is that I am still there. I do not for how long, but I am still there. But everybody is hostile to me, not everybody but the most closest people to the pastor, English teacher, social studies teacher, K principal, new principa Ms. Vz, and her high school friends Jousnalist and science teachers.
I only have elementary teachers, middle school teachers nuetral. Three elementary teachers are good friends, specially one is very good friend. Two teachers is middle school are particularly nice, not friends but they give me smiles that I so much need, the art teacher gives me smiles. IN the office, only one person is nice to me, only one.
The most powerful of the teacher is Mr P bible teacher and youth minister. He is respectful to me but he is one of those who smiles in a dirty way when he is with a group and I walk by and they smile I believe in purpose, and look at me, in purpose. Of course I notice it because I look at the, but If I try not to look at them I will not see their dirty smiles.
I think the secret to survive there is not to look at the eyes of the people that I know they are hositle to me. Be out of their vision field, our of their sight.
Observer, where are you? Arent you goign to dispute my thoughts this weekend? This is important.
The book I am going to Barnes and Noble todat and buy it. Also another one form a different person ABCD same cognitive therapy basics.
But I need somebody to refute or idspute this beliefs with me.
Anybody would like to be the advocate of satan? It has to be in a way to use Logic as a science with jusgement that are fact and not opinion. We cand o it if we know some logic statements. There are several kind of statements in Logic that can be used to discuss arguments that you are not familiar with. You do not have to be in the place where I work to discuss the validity of my ideas if you know a little logic. Some high schools and colleges give Logic.
Did any friend here studied logic?
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Lupta...... I think the meanies are meanies, smile at you mean and make trouble for you, that's a fact, not irrational thought patterns.n That's why Dr. U is out on his ass unemployed and you still have your job.
Their behavior isn't something you can't DO anything about. There's no logical reason for people to tear other's down bc they think it makes them feel better about themselves..... I don't beleive it makes them feel better.
What can you do?
Hmmm....
1. Not look them in the eye, ignore them like they don't bother you at all... you got over them and that's that, right?.
You're idea btw. Sounded reasonable bc my idea to stick your tongue out and cross your eyes wasn't nearly so good, darnit, lol.
2. Just accept that the reality..... is the reality. You don't have to figure everything out..... Accept that they don't know enough about you to even come up with enough reasons to act like unprofessional bigots..... that's what they are, you know?
3. Feel good about being a professional. Feel good about handling your classes, children and piano lessons. The fact that you're making money with those lessons shows you're a good business woman who can protect her boundaries when the Pastor asks you to make an innapropriate sacrafice, which you declined to do. Brava and how in the world did you find that strength? Good job, you can DO everything you need to get through this and keep from having your life turned upside down, so easily in the future, by mean little people who envy you.
4. Feel good about having friends at the school..... I didn't realize you had so many people who smiled at you..... that you can talk to. They're the ones you should save your eye contact for.
Can you imagine how discouraging it will be for the meanies, to see you ignore them and act like they don't bother you at all? I think that's taking your power back..... doing something that creates energy instead of destroys it...... very good idea, Lup.
5. Have a wonderful Holiday..... Thanksgiving. It sounds like you already started giving thanks..... it sounds like you're getting your emotions under control, and that's important.
Handling ourselves when we're in dark places is something we learn to do...... by doing it.
What the meanies do isn't so important as how you handle it, right?
Go shopping, I really want you to have a new twirly red dance dress and a few great pieces for your winter work wardrobe.... mix and match and enjoy feeling better at work.
Chat up the nice teachers when you get back to school.
Good health, self care..... keep reaching out, research the comedas idea..... what were ya thinkin? Marketing to small mom and pop stores or doing something on a larger scale?
I'd suggest dancing in class but then I remember you aren't teaching 5yo's, lol.. hee. My girls take Spanish and they love to dance.
I wish teaching Salsa was easier than it appears to be :shock: Talk about learning something exciting about a culture...... every party should have latin dancing! Too bad so few know HOW to do it; )
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Well since nobody wants to dispute my thought that the pastor is against me, probably that means that whoever reads this, thinks that I am not that irational. He probably is against me.
It would noe be the first tima a pastor kicks me in the teeth. It would not be the ifrst time a pastor destroys me.
Just one more. Just one more.
Hope that God helps me to resist this year. Just that. To resist this year or find someting else. Let us see if god opens a window for me to escape or helps me to fix the problem at this school.
This is a step in stone in my life. I will make many decisions based on the outcome of this problem. I am in the hands of God and if he does not help me the, nobodu will.
I am on vacation I need to rest but I cant take pastor away from my mind.
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Hi Lupita-
Maybe this can help- if not, compost it! I was in a similar tenuous position at one time. My boss (highly connected!!!) was an outright crook and trying to force me to sign off on something fraudulent. When I wouldn't he tried to retaliate and set me up to lose my job. The secretaries clued me in and gave me a copy of his first memo- they took a LONG time to type it. I and a wise friend at work devised strategies to defeat it. Then the boss had to go away , we had a vacation, etc- time slipped away. When at long last it seemed that there was no escape and the crook was going to get his way, there was a natural disaster and I was transferred to a normal boss, there was no more office there and the crooked boss got a demotion to a position in the main office! God always makes a way of escape!
Lupita, I believe in YOU and your ability to handle everything! Just don't let those buzzards taint the sweetness of your life with their poison! Life is not a popularity contest, though working with jackals is easier if they aren't circling you. Keep the peace if you can. Find the happy things in your day and don't let the buzzards snatch them from you. Fill your heart with real friends and loved ones- it is only a matter of luck if you find true soul mates at work- if people are civil, who gives a rat's hindquarters if they love or even like you?!?!?!
Most of all, when you are away from the wage -slave job, leave it there! You are free as a gypsy during your vacation! Dance, play the tambourine ( I love to play the tambourine!) and sing- those jackals will be far away!!!
Love and Peace,
Changing
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Hola Lupita,
I’m going to use the words “rational” and “irrational” in terms of Albert Ellis’s rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT).
The Pastor is a jerk and that is a fact. You do not like the Pastor and that is a fact. It is also a fact that you cannot change the Pastor. It is also a fact that only the Pastor can change himself. You have no control over the Pastor and that is a fact. So, none of these facts are irrational, they are just facts and these facts exist whether or not we like them. The only thing we can do about these facts is accept them. We cannot change these facts even though we wish we could change these facts. We wish that the Pastor was a nice and decent man who treated you kindly, but that is not reality.
So, recognizing a fact is not irrational. The irrational thinking occurs when we react to fact fact in such a way that we hurt ourselves. For example, you are thinking irrationally when you allow yourself to become so upset over the Pastor so that you cannot sleep at night. So, your reaction to the Pastor is irrational.
Think of it this way: When we are confronted with a fact, we always choose (consciously or subconsciously) how we will react to that fact. Lupita, you have chosen your reaction to the Pastor and the reaction you have chosen is to upset yourself and you have chosen to upset yourself so much so that you cannot sleep. The reaction you have chosen is harmful to you because you are loosing sleep over the Pastor.
You could choose a different reaction to the Pastor. For example, you could say to yourself “I do not like the Pastor, but I choose to not upset myself over him. I accept the fact that the Pastor is a jerk. I accept the fact that I do not like the Pastor. I accept the fact that the Pastor doesn’t like me. It’s a shame that I am not friends with the Pastor (and I probably never will be friends with him), but that is reality and I accept realty. So, instead of upsetting myself over the Pastor, I will not think about him, nor will I think about how he dislikes me and I dislike him. Instead, I will focus my thoughts on things that I enjoy and can help me, like dancing, music, looking for a new job, etc.” This would be a rational reaction to the Pastor. If you think this way, you won’t hurt yourself, you won’t loose sleep over the Pastor.
When you see the Pastor at school, you can give him a quick smile, maybe say a quick soft “hello” and then turn your head away from him, don’t look at him and keep walking away from him. Minimize your interaction with him. Since you find him upsetting, limit your contact with him.
You wrote the following:
Why do you think that the pastor is against you?
I think this question is almost irrelevant. The fact is he does not like you for whatever reason he may have. You cannot read the Pastor’s mind, so it’s a waste of time to try to figure this out.
1- he wanted the piano lessons ofr his beloved worship leader. Now it is not about the piano lessons by it self, but because I protested and asked for my piano lessons back, because I love them and because I really need the money. Could not survive with out that supplenet income.
I don’t understand what you’re saying here.
2- When I complained about Dr. U the first thing he asked me was "why dont you leave?"
Don’t dwell on this. What you learned here is that the Pastor is not your friend, so just keep that in mind and watch yourself around him. Don't set yourself up to enable him to cause you to feel hurt. Try to avoid him as much as you can, but don't act hostle to him.
3- He constantly puts me in the spot, gives me unwelcome hugs, in front of public, he wants to make other teachers envious or just notice my presence.
Good point: DO NOT LET THE PASTOR HUG YOU. Do not let him touch you. Do not get physically close enough to him so that he can touch or hug you. These are boundary issues and you must work on establishing both physical and emotional boundaries. If he tries to hug you, step back and let him know that you do not want to be hugged. If necessary, say to him “please do not touch/hug me”, but do not say it in a nasty way. Just say it in a clam, assertive voice.
4- He put me in the spot calling Mr. V in front of all the church to stand with me when I became member of the church. He wanted to make sure that everybody notice that Mr. V had helped me.
This is in the past, so let it go. Just keep in mind that he may want to hurt you, so try to avoid him.
5- Teachers give me dirty looks, ugly looks, they would not do that unless they know they are backed up. They must have been told that I am disposable.
If other people give you dirty looks, you can’t do anything about it. I think the only thing you can do is do not look at the faces of the people who you know give you dirty looks OR do not choose to react to these dirty looks so that you feel extremely upset. You know this is a toxic environment and you know that you will find a job in another school next year. So, there’s no point in upsetting yourself because these jerks give you dirty looks. They are idiots. If you can find it in your heart, feel pity for them because they act like little children, not adults. They are pathetic. They have a problem, not you.
6- Many people treat me in a hostile way. They know their obligation is to make me feel uncomfortable so I leave on my own.
See my answer above. But, I disagree that it is their “obligation”. Rather, it is their choice. They have CHOSEN to be hostle to you. That is their choice.
7- Pastor cannot fire me on his own. Powerful people of the church (school board) have to aprove.
8- Pastor is damaging me little by little and braking my spirit through the secretaries and his pall teachers. Not all the teachers, only his palls. A few.
Regarding #8, this is where your thinking is irrational. The Pastor can only damage you and break your spirit if you allow him to do so. Remember, I wrote about you choosing how you want to react to the Pastor. So, you have chosen a reaction in which you are allowing him to damage you and break your spirit. You have chosen to give the Pastor the power to damage you and break your spirit. This is the choice you have made. You can change this choice right now and decide right now that the Pastor has NO POWER to damage you and break your spirit. The choice is up to you.
My own dispute my own refutation:
I am still there. They have not fired me. (They cant) They are just making me suffer.
No, you are making yourself suffer. To think that other people make us suffer is irrational. You have chosen to react to the entire situation by making yourself suffer. That is your choice. You could make other choices, like ignoring them or finding a different job, which you will do.
It is vacation now. One week brake ofr thanks giving. When they come back (pastor is on a trip) they will be rested and I will hide around so they cannot see me and they cannot make me feel bad.
This is irrational thinking. No, they do not make you feel bad. You make yourself feel bad. You have chosen to react to them by making yourself feel bad.
They only hurt me if I look at them in the eyes.
This is also irrational thinking. You have chosen to allow them to hurt you very badly. I'm not saying don't feel hurt, but I am saying don't let them make you feel so hurt that you allow them to destroy you. It's a subtle difference. So, do not look in their eyes. Look at the ceiling, look at the floor, look in the distance. Or, look them in the eyes, but choose to react to them by not feeling so hurt. But, do not act hostile towards them. Just be non-chalant.
So I can avoid them. I am not afriad to be isolated because I have been isolated my entire life.
It's a good idea to avoid people who you find upsetting. Bring a book to lunch and read so that you don’t have to talk to anyone, but don’t be hostile. If anyone makes a comment, just say you really want to read your book because it is so interesting.
Hope this helped. The important idea is that you choose how you want to react to people. I'm not saying that you should ignore your feelings. No, you should allow yourself to feel your feelings, but do not allow your feelings to OVERWHELM you so that you feel damaged, broken or destoyed.
Con mucho amor.
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Hi Lupita,
I haven't read this whole thread but maybe I can help with one thing I noticed. I think it's a big thing, or the shadow of a big thing. I hope it helps.
I believe one reason you get in trouble interpersonally is that you make a lot of assumptions about other people's thoughts and motives. Self-help literature calls it mind-reading.
It's really bad for relationships of all kinds.
Your intuition matters too, and often you may be completely right about negativity in others. But I'll bet if you weeded out the habit of telling yourself that you know what another person is thinking ... people wouild seem much less threatening to you. I'll highlight the things below that I think fall into this pattern.
This goes directly to observer but if anybody can help I dearly appreciate it.
Help me discussing the sitution with the pastor. That does not let me sleep.
I deeply believe that the pastor .
My own question to my slef.
Why do you think that the pastor is against you?
1- he wanted the piano lessons ofr his beloved worship leader. Now it is not about the piano lessons by it self, but because I protested and asked for my piano lessons back, because I love them and because I really need the money. Could not survive with out that supplenet income.
2- When I complained about Dr. U the first thing he asked me was "why dont you leave?"
3- He constantly puts me in the spot, gives me unwelcome hugs, in front of public, he wants to make other teachers envious or just notice my presence.
4- He put me in the spot calling Mr. V in front of all the church to stand with me when I became member of the church. He wanted to make sure that everybody notice that Mr. V had helped me.
5- Teachers give me dirty looks, ugly looks, they would not do that unless they know they are backed up. They must have been told that I am disposable.
6- Many people treat me in a hostile way. They know their obligation is to make me feel uncomfortable so I leave on my own.
7- Pastor cannot fire me on his own. Powerful people of the church (school board) have to aprove.
8- Pastor is damaging me little by little and braking my spirit through the secretaries and his pall teachers. Not all the teachers, only his palls. A few.
My own dispute my own refutation:
I am still there. They have not fired me. (They cant) They are just making me suffer. That i can survive. If they do not use the children against me I will survive. The problem is when they starty coachind the children. I t has happened to me in the past and I have seen it done to different teachers.
It is vacation now. One week brake ofr thanks giving. When they come back (pastor is on a trip) they will be rested and I will hide around so they cannot see me and they cannot make me feel bad.
I am still there.
Nobody comes to my classroom to mess up with me.
Nobody gets out of their way to bother me. They only bother when I am exposed by closeness.
They only hurt me if I look at them in the eyes.
So, I only have one and only one thing to disputes to the whole thing.
I still have a job. Thay are bad but they do not go out of their way. Only if I found them in my way.
So I can avoid them. I am not afriad to be isolated because I have been isolated my entire life.
I think you spend a lot of mental energy imagining what you think another person is thinking. You assume their thoughts.
You may be RIGHT about some people's motives. But the human mind and a human life are very very complex. So I challenge you to try to take people at face value. Assume that you know only what is direct, open, clearly stated. Not what they are thinking, not what they want, not what they believe.
Even if you might be right because of intuition, or accurate assessment in part, just try to say to yourself, I don't know what they are thinking. I am making it up.
See if it helps!
xo,
Hops
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Dear Lupita,
As I heal ,I see that assumptions that I made of others were often TOTALLY wrong. For example, as I get closer to my F, I see that I assumed that i was 'not important" to him b/c he did not stand up for me against my M.
Actually, he was "blocking" out life b/c of his upbringing.
I took it as I was not "important"
Also, I used to call him every afternoon when I would wait fo my sons at the bus stop. He had the 'attitude" that I was "bothering him" so I stopped.
Now, I find out that he simply did not have access to his feelings and it has nothing to do with me. He has been going to Al Anon for 13 years and now can talk about feelings.It had nothing to do with me-----ever.
I think that we do "mind read" too much. Love to you Ami
((((((((((((Lupita)))))))))))))))))
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Hey Lup.
One thing that helped me to move past something that was bugging me was to let go of the desire to figure out WHY.
You probably won't ever know why small people do nutsy things that hurt other people. It's not just you that they hurt and your're not the last person they're going to be unfair with or persecute.
What you do need to figure out is how you're going to handle the conflict and feelings it brings up for you.
Your history makes it difficult for you to keep perspective.
Some can go to their parents and siblings and find reassurance..... that's never been something you can count on.
So.... you have more than just the irrational man made conflict to get past.... you have the old feelings that get triggered and the lack of support.
You're doing it though.... you're figuring out how to overcome and perservere in your own right.
That's what you should spend your time doing.
As far as the Pastor goes.... just assume something terrible happend to him in his past, he hasn't overcome it, it affects him in his life and work, which is a terrible thing for everyone, including him.
Be glad you aren't him and keep moving forward.
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Hop, Lighter, Changing, Ami, thank you so much for wirting me. In this time of struggle and nobody to go for support, your words of acouragement are extremely inportant to me.
Obeserver, I am extremely impressed. Did you study psychology? Do you have a degree? You speak like an expert. Thank you so much for your specifity. That is really helpful.
Your post is something that I have to materialy study answer by answer, and if you are so kind keep discussing with you. I will study it slowly, piece by piece. I will get back to you this evening. Thank you so much for your effort.
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I went to Barnes nd Noble and I could not find Albert Ellis. I found something very similar and based on Albert Ellis Theory.
The new mood therapy, book and workbook by David Burns.
I hope that is useful because I spent $32.00
Have you hear of these books?
Thanks.
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The Pastor is a jerk and that is a fact
You have no control over the Pastor
We wish that the Pastor was a nice and decent man who treated you kindly
I wish that my mother was a nice person who treated me nicely. That is not going to happen either. I am in the process of accepting that.
irrationally when you allow yourself to become so upset over the Pastor so that you cannot sleep at night.
Yes, but, I try to forget, and it comes back, like an obcession because I know that my beans on the table depend on a jerk. And how to control the stomach ache? It comes by ot self. I wish I could push a botton and feel well and not to care. I know a teacher whose students misbehave all the time and she says that hse is very happy. I cant do that.
I will focus my thoughts on things that I enjoy and can help me, like dancing, music, looking for a new job, etc.” This would be a rational reaction to the Pastor. If you think this way, you won’t hurt yourself, you won’t loose sleep over the Pastor.
Maybe I can write this in a poster and read it everyday and see if I use it as an affirmation it might sink in my brain. Like Lighter says, fake it till you make it.
soft “hello” and then turn your head away from him, don’t look at him and keep walking away from him. Minimize your interaction with him. Since you find him upsetting, limit your contact with him.
That I already do, and definitively will keep doing it, since all my behavior is unconscious, my own body did it just because of the fear I feel when I see him. So I already avoid him but smiling still.
DO NOT LET THE PASTOR HUG YOU. Do not let him touch you. Do not get physically close enough to him so that he can touch or hug you. These are boundary issues and you must work on establishing
This is very difficult, since I get paralyzed when somebody is aggressive to me. And he must ne saying something to other people because a father, son in low of Mr. V, came and gave me a hug just for no reason and I just got paralyzed and just thought what the heck, why is he pulling me to him self, but I was totally unable to put my arms as a barrier, but I will say to my self one thousand times, nobody will hug me again in that school, nobody, I have to put my arms as a barrier, but when I do not expect an atack I get paralyzed. But hopefully by being aware and thinking of it, it will not happen to me again.
They have CHOSEN to be hostle to you. That is their choice.
Correct, there are several teachers that are good friends of pastor and they are nice to me despite that they know what is going on. So, those who choose to be mean are just mean people and I cant change them.
Pastor has NO POWER to damage you and break your spirit. The choice is up to you.
This I will write in a poster and read it everyday before going to work, but difficult to believe since people obey him and if he tell them to do dirty work they will do dirty work. So hi has power, and it makes me feel bad that he does not like me, because I feel rejected for the one thousand time again.
do not look in their eyes. Look at the ceiling, look at the floor, look in the distance. Or, look them in the eyes, but choose to react to them by not feeling so hurt. But, do not act hostile towards them. Just be non-chalant.
I will try, I will definitely not look in the eyes of these people, and smile if necessary. But, the pain is there, the stomach ache is there. I will repeat to my self, they are not important, they are naked, they are jerks, they are bad people.
If anyone makes a comment, just say you really want to read your book because it is so interesting.
If I get caught off guard I get paralyzed. So, I will try, but it is too much. Plus the surviving the high school kids is hard, and be alert for them, make sure I see their hands, they are not supposed ot be texting, they have to do their work, if somebody likes somebody I have to make sure they keep their hands to them selves, si, it is very stressful itself to teach adolescents and if on top I have to deal with these jerks it is more difficult. But I check websites every single day.
No, you should allow yourself to feel your feelings, but do not allow your feelings to OVERWHELM you so that you feel damaged, broken or destoyed.
OK if I could do that I would b cured. That is the problem, I do not know how to do that. I tell my self, everyday I cannot suffer for them I cannot suffer dor them and I am still suffering.
I tell my students you ahvet o memorize the vocabulary, then they ask me how, then I tell them, write it several times, make an intentional effort to recall them make flashcards, etc, but If I just tell them here is your vocabulary, memorize it, they would be lost. This is what happening to me, everybody tells me how I should feel but nobody tells me how to do it.
With respect of this last statement do you have any more suggestions?
Thank you ofr your time.
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Hola Lupita,
Muchas gracias for the compliment. I am not an expert, but I have been in therapy and I have read many books.
I read the New Mood Therapy and it is a good book. But, in my opinion, I personally prefer Albert Ellis because he teaches how to dispute irrational thought using the “ABCD” method (although I believe that Burns does that too).
Buying these books can be expensive. Why don’t you try the library?
I again suggest you read the Albert Ellis Book called How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything: Yes Anything! and another of his books called A Guide to Rational Living. Here’s the link for those books at amazon.com:/www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-0824688-2540469?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195426179&sr=1-1.
Amazon often sells books used and they are much cheaper. For example, they sell used versions of A Guide to Rational Living for $2.00. Here’s the link www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0879800429/ref=dp_olp_1/105-0824688-2540469?ie=UTF8&qid=1195426179&sr=1-1
I’m glad you bought the New Mood Therapy and I think you will find it helpful.
You wrote:
I wish that my mother was a nice person who treated me nicely. That is not going to happen either. I am in the process of accepting that
Excellente, Lupita! You see you are already using “rational thinking”, you just need to keep doing it. It is so difficult to change the way that we think. Our parents, family and society have taught us to think in ways which hurt us and we finally come to a point in our lives when we realize that we must change the way we think or else our “irrational”, unhelpful thinking will make us so unhappy and might even make us physically sick.
I think of you Lupita as starting a new journey in your life in which you are learning to change the way you think, change the way you perceive yourself and other people. I think as you proceed in this journey, you will feel happier and more peaceful within yourself, but there is also a lot of pain in this journey as we face the truth and step out of denial. Also, this journey is not like taking an express train. We don’t immediately go from self defeating, irrational thinking to rational mental health. Some days are good and some are bad and we make mistakes along the way. I think it is important to be patient with ourselves, to forgive ourselves for mistakes we make, but learn the lesson and keep going and not give up on ourselves. We have to show ourselves love, patience and understanding as we grow and make the journey.
You wrote:
Yes, but, I try to forget, and it comes back, like an obcession because I know that my beans on the table depend on a jerk. And how to control the stomach ache? It comes by ot self. I wish I could push a botton and feel well and not to care. I know a teacher whose students misbehave all the time and she says that hse is very happy. I cant do that.
Lupita, that's an excellent point. I think you are describing the very essence of what it takes to change your thinking and how to move from “irrational” to “rational” thinking.
“Yes, but, I try to forget, and it comes back, like an obcession “
It is difficult to control our thoughts, but what you have to learn here is how to MANAGE and ORGANIZE your thoughts. You must become CONSCIOUS of your THOUGHTS and realize that your THOUGHTS effect your EMOTIONS and that your EMOTIONS can effect you PHYSICALLY.
So, you try to forget the Pastor, but the THOUGHT of him comes back and then you feel an EMOTION like anger, fear, sadness and then you get a PHYSICAL reaction, like your stomach hurts or you can’t sleep. So, for right now, just become CONSCIOUS and AWARE that these 3 things (thought, emotion and physical-body reaction) are intertwined and connected. Because these 3 things are inter-connected (thought, emotion and physical-body reaction), it is so important to become consciously aware of HOW you think (rational or irrational) because it all starts with your thoughts. Your thoughts trigger your emotions and your emotions can trigger physical reactions in your body (like stomach aches and insomnia). This is why it is important to MANAGE your thoughts so that you can feel your emotions without having a stomach ache or insomnia.
You don’t want to think about the Pastor, but he is an intrusive thought. So think about the Pastor and become aware that when you think about the Pastor, you feel emotions like hurt, anger, fear, hate, frustration. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, don’t run away from your emotions, feel them and own them. They are your emotions. But then, start using “rational” thinking and ask yourself “I feel these emotions, but what can I do to feel better so that I won’t have insomnia or a stomach ache?”
You can tell yourself “I realize I feel these emotions (hurt, anger, fear, hate, frustration) because I want the Pastor to be different. I want the Pastor to like me, help me and compliment me, but I know that will probably not happen. I know that is not realty. I know the reality is that the Pastor may want to hurt me and I know that I cannot change the Pastor. So, what can I do to protect myself against the Pastor so that I won’t feel so bad”?
Maybe at this point, you want to write a list of things you can do to protect yourself, like not letting him hug you, avoiding him, not choosing to give him the power to make you feel bad about yourself, etc. You should also repeat positive affirmations to yourself. Now, you may feel better because you have taken back your power, you have a plan for how you will think about and interact with the Pastor so that you no longer feel like his victim. You are being PROACTIVE and using your power to make yourself feel better and you are no longer being a powerless REACTIVE victim of the Pastor (or the teachers who give you dirty looks or anyone else)
Maybe I can write this in a poster and read it everyday and see if I use it as an affirmation it might sink in my brain. Like Lighter says, fake it till you make it..
Yes, these are great ideas: make posters for yourself, if you like, get some color markers and paper (arts and crafts supplies) and make yourself some beautiful posters. Yes, fake it till you make it. Believe in yourself and take back your power. Promise yourself that you will no longer give your power away to anyone.
That I already do, and definitively will keep doing it, since all my behavior is unconscious
I think this is something you have to change: You must try to become CONSCIOUS of your thoughts, emotions, behavior and how your body reacts to your thoughts, emotions and behavior. We don’t want to unconsciously sleep walk through life. We want to be aware and conscious of what and how we think and feel. This is a skill which takes time to learn, so be patient with yourself.
This is very difficult, since I get paralyzed when somebody is aggressive to me.
Lupita, this journey will be difficult, but you can do it if you want to. It is very difficult to change our thinking and behavior patterns, but we must. To go on living as we are is too painful and self defeating (we feel that we suffer), so we want to change. So, spend time thinking about how you can react next time someone is aggressive. Remember what I said yesterday: make a conscious effort to not be physically close to these people and if someone tries to hug you, step back and block their arms, not in a hostile way (they’re not trying to mug you), but in a calm and assertive way and say (in a calm and assertive voice) “please do not hug/touch me because I don’t like it”. You have to learn to be brave and assert yourself, but not in a hostel way. Remember, be calm, assertive and SELF CONFIDENT. If you do not feel self confident, then “fake it till you make it”.
So, those who choose to be mean are just mean people and I cant change them.
YES, YES, YES! Correct!
but difficult to believe since people obey him and if he tell them to do dirty work they will do dirty work.
But, they have made a choice to do his dirty work. Doing his dirty work is their choice.
So hi has power, and it makes me feel bad that he does not like me, because I feel rejected for the one thousand time again.
Yes, he does have power, but you have to choose to NOT give him power over your emotions. He has power in the school and church, but he can only have power over your emotions and your soul if you allow him, if you give him YOUR power. The pastor does not own you and he doesn’t own your mind, your body or your soul. You are a free woman and you are free to make your own choices in your life.
If I get caught off guard I get paralyzed.
Not getting paralyzed is something you have to work on. Practice in your mind how you can react in a non-paralyzed way. Read some books on how to act assertively. There’s a book on “verbal self defense” called The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work by Suzette Haden Elgin and here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Art-Verbal-Self-Defense-Work/dp/0735200890/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-5018522-7356415?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195431601&sr=1-1. You can buy a used copy at Amazon for $5 or check the library.
I tell my self, everyday I cannot suffer for them I cannot suffer dor them and I am still suffering.
Learning not to suffer is what you hope to achieve by taking this journey. Please be patient, it takes time.
This is what happening to me, everybody tells me how I should feel but nobody tells me how to do it.
People can give you suggestions on how to do this, but ultimately, it is up to you to discover “how to do it”. Realize that you are taking this journey to learn “how to do it”. You know that if it was so simple that someone could just tell us “how to do it”, then the world would be emotionally healthy and everyone would be happy. But that’s not realty. I think one of the main objects of your journey is for YOU to figure out how YOU can “do it” so that you feel happier and won’t feel like you are suffering.
Con mucho amor y de nada.
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Dear Observer,
You "blow me away" with your posts. You are like an angel for Lupita ,who really needed one. You have helped me so much ,too.
I hope that you stay around. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((Observer)))))))))))))))
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Lupita and Observer-
Observer thank you for the informative posts- what a Godsend!
Lupita, I am so very proud of you taking the next step and taking control of your situation- you are a brave and awesome person, and I know that you are going to reap great benefits from your struggles!!!! I hope that you have a wonderful week and concentrate on YOU and what makes you happy and fulfilled, take care of business, and relax!!! You have won half the battle already Lupita!!!
Love,
Changing
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Hi Lupita,
Just heard a wonderful line from a TV preacher (Joel Osteen?). He was talking about bullies, mean people, naysayers, discouragers, etc. And how we don't need other people to believe in us. We have to believe in ourselves.
You are not what they call you, you are what you answer to.
:D
Hops
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Hops..... I saw about 15 minutes of Joel Olsteen yesterday morning..... and it was the part about believing in ourselves cause that's where God put the promise.... not in the people we want to validate us.
We have to validate ourselves, lol.
I'm laughing bc I've never seen this man before and now, not only have I watched a bit of his show..... you brought it up here, on this thread, which is what I was thinking about when I watched.
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Hi Lupita,
Just heard a wonderful line from a TV preacher (Joel Osteen?). He was talking about bullies, mean people, naysayers, discouragers, etc. And how we don't need other people to believe in us. We have to believe in ourselves.
You are not what they call you, you are what you answer to.
:D
Hops
Thanks for posting that insight Hops,
My budget does not accommodate having satellite tv (when we go digital ... giving up tv) ... prefer my 'books' budget :)
You are not what they call you, you are what you answer to.
Yes, that's so very true.
Thank you.
Love, Leah
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Dear Lupita,
Sending you every heartfelt and sincere good wish for the journey ahead which I just know you will determine to work through having already started on your way.
There will be successes and failures on your journey, but that's all to the good, as we learn so much from our 'mistakes' and 'slip ups' as we choose to simply pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down, and carry on working through.
Wishing you, sincerely, every good thing along the way.
May God be with you every step of the way along your journey to your new life, with new beginnings :)
Sincerely yours,
with love, Leah
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I guess I have to have some progress in my work, before I can go back to you and ask you for more information. Like I tell my piano students, you have to play something so I can direct you how to play it correctly.
So, I am starting today on vacaiotn, Monday is a good day to start something.
My first step is to read many pages of my books. Maybe 50 pages in each book. Book and owrk book.
The Alber Ellis I will but, next week, as soon as I finish with the ones I have righ tnow.
Steo #2 Posters. I have to go to WalMart and buy material to make posters.
Hang them all over my house, bath room, doors, everywhere.
Also I have to plan my lessons for next week. Maybe I have to go to school to get my books to make a good lesson for next week so I make my students even more interested.
Also Start my diet again. Of course got o dance classes.
Friends, God bless you.
Observer, I am on my way. So, do not go away. The books says it is a 12 week plan. Please, please, be available for 12 weeks.
My depression according to the book is 65 which is very high and they say I need special help, but just to think that I have a plan, makes me feel better, so I do not feel hopeless right now. So, I hope I do not start codepending on you, but I really love your asnwers.
Observer, you are good. Very good.
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YEAH Lupita.!!!!!!!!!
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Well Done ((( Lupita )))
Sincerely, very very happy for you --- that the mist is clearing and that you now begin to see.
Wonderful, you have made such a wonderful start!
Believe me, there is much light :idea: shining brightly on your journey ahead.
Perfect, that you are starting out on your journey, in the right place at the right time --- during your vocation week.
Much love,
Leah
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Leah
I bet that you can get Joel Osteen on the web.I bet that you would like him very much Ami
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Yeah I would like to get Joel too.
Well, dear observer, I already did my posters.
One says
when you sight these people,
walk fast, say good morning,
do not wait for an answer,
keep going,
do not look at their eyes,
keep your eyes in space,
and........... smile.
the other says,
make an effort, to be aware of your thoughts, feelings an behaviors.
The pastor is a jerk, there is nothing I can do about that. I donot have to be sad because of the pastor choices.
And so on.
I made 18 poster with different afformtions and put them on my door, on the kichen and the bath room mirror,
Now will read my books for a couple of hours. Then play the piano, have to practice the cantata for the church for which I am playing, and then to dance class. I never get tha Monday class because I work till late.
So I will take this class tonight.
I am not totally alone at the school. I have Mrs. F fourth grade teacher, she is nice and helpful The two third grade teachers are very nice. One second grade teacher is very nice to mee too. Also the two first grade teachers are very nice.
All the middle school teachers say hi and good morning and do not give me any dirty looks.
So, it is only high school teachers and not all of them. Majority of them, but not all. And the new princiapl and the secretaries in the office. That id a biggy. So what. Oh, and of course, the jerk pastor. So what!!!!! And!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The elementary principal is very nice to me.
So, it is not everybody. Not everybody. Just a group. Where ever I go I will find people who do not like me.
I still have to leave this place because they pay very little and it is way too much work. Also I would enjoy more to work with younger kids, not high school, perhaps elementary or middle school. But I will not leave becuase of a few mean bad hypochristians.
I will leave because I need a bette salary, not to be demanded to go to church, but go if I want, and to be able to have a drink or go to a nightclub if I want. With out fear that I am going to lose my job because I am enjoying a dance ina ngihtclub or a drink. And somebody might see me in a nightclub.
So I will keep checking websites but not frantic.
Observer, what do you do for a living? How old are you? You are good, my friend. Very good.
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Yay Lupita!
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Dear Lupita
How happy I am for you that you have made this important beginning for yourself.
I have not posted much to you, and I realized it is because you were so negative about everything, and it sounded as though you expected someone else to fix you: and that used to be me. I never tried to find the good amongst the bad. To me it was all bad and I was so unhappy. One might say I faked happiness just to get by.
That pretty well covers a good deal of my life, the way everything transpired. I never felt useful, talented, needed, wanted, liked or loveable.
Then over the course of time I must have been taking in some positive messages, bit by bit, but not using them. Too big of a change.
When I left the N in 2002 I was determined to become a human being. and in one of the responses here, made by lighter,
Hops..... I saw about 15 minutes of Joel Olsteen yesterday morning..... and it was the part about believing in ourselves cause that's where God put the promise.... not in the people we want to validate us.
We have to validate ourselves, lol.
This is something that I have done on my own without realizing it. I know I do good work etc. and I am not expecting validation anymore. It surprised me to realize that now I like myself, love myself, am content, know I have talents (after this I must make some changes in a web site I maintain) I have made it thru' 38 years in a wheelchair and can keep my place tidy and clean, as I couldn't live in a mess, and can do everything of which I am capable.
Good luck to you and THINK POSITIVELY
love
Izzy
If someone pats me on the shoulder, I appreciate it, but generally I do my own invisible patting of my shoulder.
I am still alone and now I love it.
[attachment deleted by admin]
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Izzy... it's the strangest thing..... to one day turn around and feel differently.
It didn't happen in a day.... it's gradual and creeps up on us..... surprises us.
How nice to receive a surprise as pleasant as that?
To feel substantial....
comforted by one's own company and look forward to spending time alone.
It's on the job training, unfortunately.
You, and your journey, are a wonderful example of how we can all overcome our obstacles.
I love picturing you, competent and happy, enjoying your meals, reading and computer games..... feeling good about your work and figuring out solutions for every problem that comes your way.
Lupuita: Love the affirmations....
and.....
just how big are those posters, lol?
I bet they're smaller than I'm picturing; )
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Thank you to all my friends who get happy because I seem to be better.
Well, Lighter it is size of letter. Just plain letter paper. I was to lazy to go to Wal Mart to get special paper. But I take the bother to read them.
Now I am bored of those posters because I know that it is not the pastor, or the new prinicipal. It is the constant attack everyday by somebody.
I think I am going to resist one or two attacks a day with the information I have now, but wen I see it coming from everywhere, I get very sick.
So, I am doing OK now since I am on vacation and not seeing them at all. But when I get back to work next week then I will know if it works.
See? It is dealing with the secretaries, wheter I like it or not I can avoidthem to certain extent, I have to face them everyday at least once a day, so I am going to have strike one there, whcih I will resist with these new tools that observer helpes with, then I go to classroom and deal with kids, who are kids and they will misbihave, because that os their job, they are kids, then I have to deal wioth the new principal, and her hostile attitud towards me only, and then the dirty looks, so it is one after another, so I will enojy my vacation, go there with new tools and see if I can survive after several days of constant atackes.
The most idsapointing is the expecatation that I had from working in a Chrsitian environment, the cut in salary, the less benefits, the exess of work, just because I could have more peace working with devoted Christians and it redulted to be the same ch*t as in public schools, just with less pay.
So, even thoug I sound not good today, i am not feeling like s*t as when I finished the week last Friday.
I have my posters, I amr eading my books, and resting.
The good thing is that today as magic I did not wake up with pator in my face and my ears and my brain eating me a live. I wook up with pastor as an idiot that I know he is obeying orders from soembody becasue he cannot act on his own.
So, either is the wife of Mr. V or who knows what. Any way, thanks to observer I do not see pastor as a powerful God, or my father rejecting me or my mother rejecting me.
I do not what happened but suddenly I am not afraid of Pastor, jus respect the fact tha he has power and be awy from him. But I m not teerified as I was on Friday night when my week finished.
I know that observer's help had something to do with it.
I just want to survive this job of the rest of the year and find someting in the summer or if something comes available before the summer I will apply. If I get an offer I will consider that God opened a window. If not, that means God wants me to stay ther and work on my issues. How to stay and turn the situation around.
I should start talkging good things about the school because talking trash about the school changes my attitud and that shows in my body language. So I will start by smiling and sayig good things about the school.
Let us see how it goes.
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Just love ((((((((((( Lupita )))))))))))) that's all I have to give you.
Your openness is beautiful.
it is size of letter. Just plain letter paper
That's just the right size --- mine were the size of a letter also; on my memo board, fridge, cupboard - any suitable blank space :)
The most idsapointing is the expecatation that I had from working in a Chrsitian environment, the cut in salary, the less benefits, the exess of work, just because I could have more peace working with devoted Christians and it redulted to be the same ch*t as in public schools, just with less pay.
Firstly, I feel the disappointment, the desire in your heart to work with a Christian organization, and the dash of hope, when all is not as it seems.
But, remember, they are just people, with flaws and issues, that they may have yet to deal with --- most likely for what you have shared. Christians are not 'perfect'
Allow me to share one experience with you; some years ago now, I was in a position to offer a post to a Christian lady who was at the time unemployed, and struggling to get a job, due to her age (would like to think that attitudes have changed today!!).
All was well, the Christian lady, was thrilled to bits, answered prayer etc. The work was slightly different to her CV background in office related work, however, she was more than capable of adapting to this new role --- which she did, quickly, with renewed confidence, and enjoyed the work and interaction with everyone. BUT, then, she suddenly changed her attitude towards me, she resented my being younger than her, she resented my role in the company (though she was not qualified or experienced to do my role).
She gathered together with her two colleagues, two younger ladies, and formed an alliance, against me! Stirring up dissention against the company also (which was an absolutely wonderful small company to work for - family run and generous) .
Each week, she would sit and read through the Vacancies page, leaving her work to one side, and the two ladies, started to do the same!!! Nightmare.
My director, who was not a Christian, questioned her Christianity and integrity. My response was, that Christians are not perfect, she obviously issues to address and deal with, and that only by surrendering herself to God, as a Christian, and allowing Him to work in her life, can she hope to move forward with a heart of God, and integrity.
So tentatively, I had the job of speaking with the Christian lady, highlighting the unacceptable,and deliberate, newspaper vacancy reading during office time, in front of her younger colleagues, as being unethical and unwise etc., to which she begrudgingly acknowledged and ceased to do.
Believe me, this was no easy task. Mu tummy was churning; my legs were like jelly; my voice was all of a quiver.
Things now became difficult at work due to her behaviour and attitude towards me.
The two young ladies enjoyed every minute and stirred the waters!
Sometimes, for the first time ever, I dreaded going in to work.
But, that was as much as I could do, the rest was in God's hands --- with the choice belonging to the Christian lady, as to whether or not she wished to surrender to Him, with a desire to change.
All I could do was pray.
Was not in my power to change the Christian lady.
The Serenity Prayer on a small card was permanently stuck on my computer (as is presently, today, at home)
Sometime later on, one morning, she approached me, tearfully, asking forgiveness for her attitude and behaviour --- she had allowed God to work in her heart. Afterward, we were each able to give thanks to the Lord our Saviour.
Peace and harmony was restored!!!
But the process was hell !
During which, God did a work in me also.
Love, Leah
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Lup: Glad to hear you don't fear the Pastor any longer.
Sounds like you need to keep updating your posters so they're not boring.... so that you're reminded of something you need to be reminded of, fresh and up to date.
I'd keep the old ones in a file for review.... as reminders.
Some day you'll look back at that file. It'll be interesting.
In the meantime, enjoy your vacation.