Lupita:
I know you are angry at some of the things that I wrote. But I believe that sometimes we have to feel pain in order to get better. I'd like to look at some of the things you wrote in order to show you what I'm talking about.
You wrote: "Instead of saying yes or no, she just said "I hope he has the fifth graders" It was like she always say something negative. The mesage I got was that I was not doing a good job."
My comment: Ok, Lupita, so the new principal did not acknowledge your question, so what can you do to help yourself? How about ignore the fact that she didn't answer your question and just let it go? Don't take it personally. The new principal is not your friend. She is a work colleague. She doe not have to be your friend and she does not have to like you. Likewise, you do not have to be her friend and you do not have to like her.
It would be good if you and your colleagues could be friends, but, it’s alright if that doesn’t happen. You are at school to work, not to make friends, so just do your job in a professional way and do not take the slights of your colleagues personally.
It seems the New principal was concerned with the 5th graders and at that moment was not interested in speaking about the old principal. If you felt she was saying that you didn’t do a good job with getting the 5th graders on the bus, you could answer that another teacher was there and the bus driver wouldn’t leave the kids because his daughter is in the class. By saying this, you could have expressed yourself, so you are not voiceless. But, did you tell the driver and the other teacher that you were going to the bathroom? If you didn’t, then I can understand why the new principal might be upset. In any case, whether or not you made a mistake (and I’m not saying you did make a mistake), don’t let it ruin your day. We all make mistakes, we are human. So, if you did make a mistake (and I’m not saying you did make a mistake), just forgive yourself, try not to make that mistake in the future and let it go. Learn whatever lesson you can learn and do not ruminate on it.
You wrote: “I never ever get smiles. Never from that woman and her friends. She smiles to the others. She changes her face when I am in the sorroundings.”
My comment: Let’s assume the worst case: Let’s assume that none of your colleagues likes you at school and that you are the scapegoat. As I asked you yesterday, are you going to let this drive you crazy for the rest of the school year? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is that you must create a protective boundary around your feelings so that people who do not like you can’t destroy you. Maybe the lesson to learn here is that you must create boundaries to protect your feelings so that you do not allow other people to make you feel that “life sucks”.
You also need to learn the lesson that other people cannot make you feel good or bad about yourself. Only you can make you feel good or bad about yourself. Other people can only make you feel good or bad about yourself if you give them the power to do so. I think you give your power to other people and enable them to make you feel good or bad about yourself. This is a very important lesson that I hope you learn. This is the lesson about how we should not give away our power to other people. At this time Lupita, you give your power to other people and you allow other people to manipulate your emotions regarding how you feel about yourself and your life.
Lupita, I have a great deal of empathy for you. In fact, I have so much empathy that I feel hurt to see you making the same mistakes over and over again. If I did not have empathy for you, I wouldn’t be spending my time writing this. Don’t you want to stop making the same mistakes and start enjoying your life?
You wrote: I thought I could open my heart here. I am sad that there is no place where I can say what I feel with out being hallmered. Life is sad. I do not like life.
My Comments: This is not a fair comment and it is not true. People have been trying to help you for months. I interpret what you said as meaning that you only want to hear positive comments and you don’t want to hear the truth. But I think we cannot heal if we do not face the truth.
You wrote: “Fortunately, in the game I descovered that several kids, many kids, really love me.”
My comments: You see, people do in fact love you. You are loved.
You wrote: I need somebody to love me to be able to keep goimg. Bad, I know. Like Pop and bean and so many friends that we call our selves junk needy. I am so needy, that is distroying me.
My comments: Well, you said it: “I need somebody to love me to be able to keep goimg….. we call our selves junk needy. I am so needy, that is distroying me.” I agree, Lupita, this need to be loved can destroy you. I think your neediness is why you feel so upset when others do not smile at you. I think your neediness is what is called “co-dependent”, which means that you allow other people to define you, you give your power to other people so that you allow them to define you. If they do not smile at you, you feel deeply hurt. You need boundaries around your own emotions so that if people don’t smile at you, you won’t feel so hurt, you won’t give them the power to hurt you.
You wrote: Kids are waiting for English teacher. Outside alone, with out supervsion. So I go to the office and the secretary tells me she will take care of it.
My comments: Why did you get involved in this? It’s not your class. It’s not your responsibility. Let someone else, like the English teacher or the substitute take care of it. Just do your job, which is to teach your Spanish class. If you feel that the prinicipal and other teachers don’t like you, then why are you setting yourself up for more problems where they can scapegoat you?
You wrote: Mr. Enmglish teacher always comes late, gets coffee from the office, is abusive to the students and everybody loves him. I do a good job, I work hard for my kids. And I am always in trouble. I neevr recieve anything positive. I guess the only positive thing is that I am still here. But there is something going on that I do not know because I am not part of the group. They do not let me be part of the group. They block me. Why? I do not know. There are four new teachers. They never met before. Now they are wonderful friends. They lunch together. talk in the intermissions, enter the office, drink coffe. And they are new from different states. But they treat them as if they knew them for years. I have one year and a half and they still reject me. No matter what I do. There are several teachers who have children paly nintendo in class, you see the door children are coming in and out of the classroom, no classroom management, those teachers do not have any problem, but I do control my class, my students learn and we are working all the time. I am the one who is rejected. I do not understand life.
My comments: I see your usual negativity and focusing on other teachers. Stop being so negative, stop looking at the relationships that other teachers appear to have with each other. I believe that your negativity is why other teachers may not socialize with you. If you want to socialize with other teachers, try to smile and be more positive. Keep the conversation light, ask them about themselves, what their favorite movies are, things like that.
Lupita, I think you are a very good person and you want to do the right thing, but you are blind to the mistakes that you make, like your negative attitude. The world is not out to get you. The world is not against you. Although you do not like what I have written, I hope you will think about some of it.
I hope you stay on the board. People obviously care about you and I care about you, otherwise, I would not have spent all this time writing to you. I would like to see you change so that you could feel happier. Life does not suck. We all go through highs and lows, but it’s good to be alive.
Why don’t you spend some time thinking about where you want to work next year and investigating job opportunities? Do you want to stay in the same city? Move to another city or another state? Teach a different grade? Maybe you should start getting applications now so that you have plenty of time to apply for jobs?
Mucha buena suerte y mucho amor.
