Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Gabben on February 05, 2008, 05:59:55 PM
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There is a pattern in my life....I want to rewrite the story of my abusive relationship with my mom. It seems to me that I attract abusers like moths to a flame. Has anyone had this experience?
What I think lies behind this story or pattern is the desire to rewrite the story in an attempt to resolve the unfinished pain of my abusive childhood and my hidden desire for my abusive mom to say - "you are right Lise," " am a liar and I have hurt you"- I have no desire for her to beat herself up or for revenge. I just want the pain to stop -- that is the story I am trying to rewrite.
What I have to give up are my buttons. For a while I thought I had to give up my voice, but not.
My anger and pain is getting triggered by the board but that is not the board's fault it is my choice to react the way I am reacting.
I think I know what is coming up for me.
Here goes:
When I was 11 years old I used to ice skate in the mornings before school. Ice skating was my passion and my escape.
One early morning, before school, Valentines Day 1980, I was at the ice rink training and having a lesson with my coach, with whom I did not ever feel a warm connection, actually she frightened me. Towards the end of the lesson (patch - figure eights), she started in on me, she started yelling "what is wrong with you!" -- "Are you stupid!" She would grab my arm and my body and push me in a way that was humiliating -- tears started running down my face. I looked up at the clock to see that my lesson was over, it was time for school. My coach saw me looking at the clock and she said "oh no! -- you are not going anywhere!" She would not let me off the ice, the berating and yelling kept coming until I was frozen and could not move, humiliated and reduced to a state of tears. Eventually, she stomped away. I looked at the clock -- I was late!
I ran down to the locker room to change my clothes. My school was only a block away but I was already too late for first period. It never occurred to me that it was high risk time for young kids to be walking on the streets to school after the first bells have already gone off, that is when predators look for the stragglers.
As I started up the street, I heard my coach's sports car pulling out of the lot. I turned back and looked at her, she glared at me and peeled out. I turned back to start walking again, tears were strolling down my face. Suddenly there was a car in the walk way. I had to walk around it because the driver was just sitting there. I thought to myself -- why is he not pulling out? As I started around the car, the driver suddenly called me over - NOT THINKING CLEARLY...I went to his window, he seemed nice enough -- he asked me if I was afraid of guns. I suddenly froze, in puzzlement I said... "what?" He then pulled a black gun out and pointed it at me and told me to get int the car. The rest is loss of innocence and trauma.
He let me go that day and I found my way back to school -- I do not feel like talking about the rest.
I do not know what is worse - having what happened to me happen or having a N mom who told me that it was my fault.
I'll never forget the morning, about a month after it happened, I was back on the ice training and this time my mom was with me. In the past she would never watch me skate -- she said that she hated to because I was an "awful skater." But she must have felt bad for not being there that morning, as any parent would and she started accompanying me to the rink.
That morning she called me over to the boards and started spewing out angry words that I can't recall except for when she said -- "what happend to you was your fault - you ugly brat!"
My world went black.
Today I am still fighting the abusers and N's of the world. I am still wanting to rewrite the story -- "if only -- if only ---if only."
I am in the pure frustration -- I just have to give up.
I can feel the pain rising up, biting my chest and the tears rolling, I get it now -- My mom will never love me, understand me and care about me....I can't change the past or her, I can't get her to see the real me or get her to confess the harm she did to me -- I just have to learn to accept her and what happened that I did not want it to happen but it did and it JUST HURTS.
I just have mourn a loss -- again.
Lise
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Lise
It was so good that you shared that. I know that it must have been really, really hard for you . I know how hard it was for me to share my story and I STILL want to erase it(lol)
Lise, keep sharing the very hardest things like this. I am with you and I love you.
You have been through so much pain. Of course, you would have residual patterns. Anyone would. You are trying to face them. We have a promise of "freedom" when we face them ,Lise.
I am available, whenever you need to talk. Love Ami
((((((((Lise)))))))))))
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Oh my Ami -- I love you -- you are always there for me even when you are going through your worst pains too.
My chest aches and my heart is breaking all over again, I can feel the rage and anger rising up in me. It actually feels releasing, after all of these years to think I have been caring around these pains and wishes to undo the past.
That is the point though, I can't undo the past by redoing the present, I just have to let go -- ouch.
My frozen feelings are moving again...thanks, your words touched me and helped.
What a blessing you are to me.
Lise
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Lise,
You are the SAME for me. I am really hurting right now(from old patterns ) and I KNOW the first one on my thread will be YOU(lol)
The two monkeys(lol) . Love Ami
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So much of my pain is about being so violated, tricked and used...the rage of others blindness and abuse... the feelings of powerless and the shame of feeling it was all my fault. But the good new is that I can feel the healing in my chest and the bleeding wound now working it's way out of me.
Last year, at this same time, I was driving home from work one night and I started to hyperventilate, feeling sick I had to pull my car over, I threw up. I called my T (my good one), she said so lovingly to me, "it is all out, it is all out -- you are OK now, you are safe."
Later I read and learned that when we are subjected to violence such as I was that the disgust we feel, if repressed, gets stuck in our bodies, my throwing up was how I was releasing the painful disgust of what had happended to me.
Not every year does pain come up but the last few years have been the worst.
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Dear ((((((Lise)))))) ... I don't know what it's like to experience what you have and I can only imagine your feelings.
I don't know how to mourn along with you, either... except to say that your mother was so very wrong.
What happened to you was SO not your fault.
Love,
Carolyn
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What happened to you was SO not your fault.
Love,
Carolyn
((((Carolyn)))),
Just hearing those words from you brought a rush of tears to my eyes and a gut wrench of emotion. How I have longed to hear someone tell me it was not my fault. Thank you.
I need to hear it again and again and again.
Lise
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Dear Lise,
We keep the pain in our bodies,I think, at a very deep level.Lise,I wish you could see the counselor I am seeing. She sees deep patterns We ,as children,make decisions ,such as we were "illegitimate".
She prayed that I would let the feeling of "illegitamacy "go. It was a sense that I never belonged to anyone and did not have or deserve a place on the earth.
She was so "right" about this.I felt much better after she identified it . She is not blown away by anything you tell her. That ,in itself, is very healing.Nothing seems to surprise or disturb her. She told me that I would get whole,no problem. She seems very,very confident of the process.I am glad that ONE of is us(lol)
Ami
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She is not blown away by anything you tell her. That ,in itself, is very healing. Nothing seems to surprise or disturb her.
Exactly -- that is a sign of a good T. It takes unconditional love and non-judgment for our little inner children to know that it is safe enough to come out and express, share all and be ourselves without fear of being squished. She does not squish you --- YEAH!!! I am happy to hear that she is helping you.
Lise
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Yes Lise,
I am going to use this opportunity to share as deeply as I can and let go ofdeep shame, guilt and hopefully, fear. She didn't seem blown away with HOW bad my M was, either. She said that my M was mentally ill and perverted,though.
What would life be like if we had nurturing mothers? It seems so strange to even think about it--so alien and different. I think that the fear and pain is carried within us,.
However, this lady, Ann, says that if you can get God's love really deeply ,you can heal it all. Perfect love casts our Fear. Probably all our problems could be classified as fear, I would think, at the root.
Shame is fear of people seeing us and rejecting us . Perhaps, all our problems have some fear,at the root. What do you think, Lise?
Ami
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((((((((gabben))))))))
It's taken me 39 years to realize, just as I cannot relate to your N mother, or your pain of abuse, my family has never related to what a serious trauma this was for me, nad how there reactions, or lack thereof, affected me!
Hi Izzy,
Just like it has taken you 39 years to realize that no one was there for you I too am just realizing that after about 28 years. Sure there were a few people but trauma's such as our's need more than just a few counseling sessions, correct? -- There is a lot to work through.
Izzy - I could never in a million years cope with what you have had to cope with. And yet, I know that there are people that could never cope with what I have gone through. It makes me think that saying is really true - "God only gives us what we can handle."
But that still does not diminish the pain and the need for acknowledgement of our pain by compassionate others, like you Izzy.
Thanks and hugs to you ((((IZZY)))
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Perhaps, all our problems have some fear,at the root. What do you think, Lise?
Oh yes, fear is a thread that runs it's way through our lives, it can be destructive.
Another thing that you said that was powerful to me was what would it be like to have normal loving mothers....I stopped and paused for a long time when I read that. Wow--- great question and one that if I really work it visualize I could see the wounds and areas that need healing.
(((AMI)))
Lise
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Good question -- I am planning to excel where ever God wants me. I guess you might say I like excelling on trying to do God's will.
Some days are better than others though, LOL.
As I read your line about emotional health I laughed at myself...ME? As if? I am working towards that Izzy, maybe one day - progress is better than stagnation, right?
My hearts is so tender right now from my pain, it amazes me the compassion I am capable of when I hurt. I take the compassion I feel just listening to you and your story of devastation and loss and my heart hurts for what you have been through, your loss. It is important for me to take my heart and turn it around and look at my pain and have compassion for myself. You have helped me to do that dear Izzy, by sharing your suffering with me. You suffering was not for nothing...yes chosen.
Peace to you -- I have to sign off for the night.
All of this really helped me today - Thank you everyone for you support and posts.
Lise
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Hi Iz,
I don't want to overdo it and give you a big head :P but I think you are outrageously wonderful and you are a daily encouragement to me.
tt
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Dear Izzy,
Just in case your head is overswelling, might I just say that, to me, you are both outrageous and wonderful?
Yes, I might.
:D
Love,
Carolyn
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Lise,
My heart weeps for you. ((((It was never ever your fault))))
You are brave, loving, innocent and devoted. May God take you in his arms, love and keep you from harm. I pray for this for you,
(((Lise))). seasons
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Dear Lise,
It is so clear to everyone that none of it was your fault. However, the child(even as an adult) still feels that it IS.I know that everyone can see what a loon my M is, but I still listen and believe what she says,OVER myself, very often. It is so sad how much pain we bear from our parents,isn't it? Love You, Lise, Ami
((((((((Lise)))))))))))))
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Dear Lise,
It wasn't your fault then and it isn't your fault, now.
I've been thinking of you since last evening and absolutely must tell you...
I've stumbled over the elephant in the living room, too, and so I want to thank you, openly and up front, for sharing your insights here. Although I don't think you're always correct in your suspicions (and neither am I), I have learned so very much from your boldness in speaking about your concerns... well, I cannot thank you enough.
In voicing them clearly, I believe that you've prevented those concerns from sprouting roots and taking hold as deeper fears and resentments... and I think that is SO very healthy.
My description of the elephant might be different, but that doesn't change the effects of stepping in his piles. Thanks for clearing the road ahead for me.
Love to you,
Carolyn
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Thank you gabben , tt and Hope,
I have broken all toes except my little ones. I have broken my left ankle twice, broken my right foot, broken my right leg twice, first time ankle and fib, second time tib and fib and fractured my right ankle again.
Oooohhh (with compassion)....Izzy -- you dear. I'm sorry for all that you have suffered through. As Carolyn and tt were giving you well deserved strokes I thought to myself, "naw...Izzy can take it, it won't go to her head."
If anything, I think that you have been alone in your suffering, like me, you are resilient and able to quietly bear your cross. But we are still human, we need affirmation of our gifts and goodness, it goes to our hearts, not our heads (well, maybe a little :wink:)
Thanks for sharing this -- keep sharing, I'm all ears.
Lise
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Dear Lise,
Although I don't think you're always correct in your suspicions (and neither am I) Carolyn
Hi Carolyn,
I love this! That you trust me enough (I hope) to express that you disagree. I hear you and I am going to consider what you wrote, I respect your insights and the gentle way you express your truth.
It is not hard for me to look at me and see my errors in thinking and behaving, neither is it hard for me to admit to them, EXCEPT, when I am in the company of unsafe people who will not allow me to be human and to make mistakes or will beat me up with silent "I told you so's" or even the silent treatments -- that is another elephant of mine, correct?
So much stuff is coming up -- I cried on the way to work this morning and I am hurting in my heart -- burning anger at the feelings of powerlessness.
Thank you ((((((Carolyn))))) You have been an angel to me in the last week.
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Gabben,
I just read your story and I am so sorry about what happened to you that day. I am also sorry that you are in so much pain. I admire your ability to talk about what happened, post about it, and confront and feel it. I wish there had been someone there for you to help you cope. I truly do.
Lollie
Hi Lollie,
Thank you for you post and your compassion and acknowledgement -- it helps.
I read your story. Yes, I can relate to having mentally challenged parents. Because of my abandonment issues, I suffered from BPD in my early twenties to late twenties. At the young age of 15, I had the wherewithall to understand mental illness and lack of emotional health. This was just after I was taken out of my home by the state and made a ward of the court because of my mom's abuse.
It was the counselors at the dependent unit that were able to start prepping me and teaching me about psychology. Then I moved in with a safe foster mom, an ex-nun. She provided an unconditional loving safe place for me to finish out my high school years. She also helped me to see how hard it was for me to get close to people and how oversensitive I was because of my mom's abandonment. Then I was sent to AA meetings at seventeen because I had found the escape of partying and drinking as a way of running from my problems. I found myself sober, reaching for God and spirituality and emotional health before I was even 18.
Then, at age 27, I spent 4 to 7 years working with a Freudian psychiatrist diving into my abandonment wound and re-feeling what was repressed. That was some of the most painful and intensive years of my life.
My childhood was just too painful -- there was so much and it just hurts these days. I know from past experience that God will give me breaks and I will not always be suffering such memories and pain. But for now, I just accept that I an hurting.
Thanks,
Lise
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I believe you have the confidence to speak up publicly. or not?
Izzy,
Agreed, thanks.
Having been raised by an N mom there was aggression from her that was under the radar stuff, it was crazy making. Back then, I did not have the freedom or safenet of my own strength and self knowledge to question her. If I did question, in my defense, she would criminalize me as the aggressor or get extremely defensive and make me feel ashamed for questioning. I was voiceless. Now, I realize that the person I question is mostly likely going to deny it (as if they are going to really just admit it or tell the truth :P) But at least I get to use my voice and question and get it out so that I can move on and be free of it.
Also, the person who I question knows that I am on to them and they will back off eventually because my questioning strengthens my internal boundaries. Silent bullies back off faster than in your face type bullies. This I just found to be true with my roommates.
In my struggle to resolve my feelings of powerlessness is seeing the N's and what they are doing and not being able to do anything...feeling like I can't say anything or I will be made to be the crazy one. I am powerless to get them or my mom to change...that struggle of trying to make sense of it all, trying to seek relief from what happened that I did not want to happen and not being able to do a damn thing about it...I'm sure you know all about this...right?
Gab
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Dear Lise,
"Although I don't think you're always correct in your suspicions (and neither am I) Carolyn "
What an interesting choice of a single line to quote... I hadn't even thought about it, but yeah...
since I didn't question myself as to whether I should admit to thinking you're fallible, I would definitely say that... yes!
Yes, I'd say that I trust you not to explode in anger at the suggestion that your interpretation of events might be incorrect at times.
I pretty much figure that any reasonable person would agree to that about her/him-self ? And I definitely see you as a reasonable person.
On the other hand, I know some folks to whom I'd never dare make that suggestion... it simply wouldn't be worth the grief.
They're not necessarily npd folks, just very insecure personalities who have not yet learned to live beneath the surface of life by laying aside the shame of the ages... but that's another story. All I know is - there's no opportunity for genuine intimacy with such a person. I know that because I was one...
and I had not a clue what it would be like to be utterly transparent in relationship. Now I have a clue and want to build on that : )
Thank you so much for your respect, Lise... I respect you, as well...
and that's not just because I see alot of things the same way you do (although I do... many things, I think)... but also because
I believe that it's more important to you to be real than it is to be comfortable... and that is a quality which is priceless, in my estimation... and quite rare.
((((((((Lise)))))))) I am so sorry it hurts so much. I hope that you'll continue talking out the powerlessness...
and then the burning anger will morph, I think...
but the thing is, for awhile, what it morphs into is more pain, from my experience.
I think it's about relinquishing control over how other people will choose to treat us?
That is tough... because all the boundaries in the world
do not serve to fill us with the sort of cherishing love and acceptance which we crave... (please excuse that "we"... I do think it's a universal craving, tho).
Oh, and about the silent treatment... I actually think I prefer that to all the not-so-subtle innuendo-spreading, but yeah... it's a doozy of an elephant, I suppose.
Just again, not one of my particular buttons, except from the other side of the matter... in that I was formerly the expert at the silent treatment - - not because I sought to punish anyone, but
because I was so terrified at conflict and so occupied with black & white thinking that I knew no other alternative.
Wow - - I think that could be a whole other thread.
I'd better quit for now... sorry this is a bit scattered, I've been cooking interspersed with typing... just please know that I don't think you're "the crazy one". I also don't think that you're alone in seeing the way you do... just maybe others' buttons, like my own, are various and sundry other? Or maybe they don't have the fortitude to say so. I never did.
One thing's for sure - - - we all have buttons! And if I had to choose a method of dealing with the pushed ones, I'd prefer the straight-up approach any day!
Love to you,
Carolyn
P.S. If there is any place in this whole wide world where anyone should be able to give voice to all of his fears, concerns, angers, feelings of any sort - without being judged as acceptable or unacceptable - I think it's here on this VESMB.
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Lollie -- you are Catholic?? Me too! I just went to service.
Blessings,
Lise
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What an interesting choice of a single line to quote... I hadn't even thought about it, but yeah...
since I didn't question myself as to whether I should admit to thinking you're fallible, I would definitely say that... yes!
Yes, I'd say that I trust you not to explode in anger at the suggestion that your interpretation of events might be incorrect at times.
I pretty much figure that any reasonable person would agree to that about her/him-self ? And I definitely see you as a reasonable person.
Thank you Carolyn,
I have also found that the truth has an affect on me. After years of hearing the truth in AA - (we tend to be upfront and harsh with each other because our very lives depend on repentance) I have learned to discern the truth from the false. The false can be like a kick in the gut or it can just slide ride by. But, the truth has a way of making me pause, it sticks, sometimes uncomfortably -- but the more I practice facing it the more freedom, peace and insight come to me the more I embrace the truth about myself.
Also, it is easy to face ourselves when our shortcomings are becoming shorter or less...does that make sense? It is easier to see ourselves, the wrong, when we can also see the progress, I guess that is what I am trying to say.
The rest of what you wrote was beautiful. Yes, my heart still hurts and I am still aching. Last night the memories were incapacitating. I had to just lay down and cry and ache and hurt. This afternoon I am feeling much better but I am on my way to my Ts office and we will surely dredge some more of this stuff up together.
you said:
I think it's about relinquishing control over how other people will choose to treat us?
This hit the nail on the head for me - it is about lowering my expectations and letting go of how I expect others to treat me. It is about getting that hurt out that was unexpressed and not fully experienced when my mom would abuse me and I could do nothing, no where to go and no way to get relief. I have to just keep working through it, at least that is what God told me in prayer today -- He said not to worry, He is protecting me and watching over me like a loving father.
Off to see my T tonight ! I need it!
Love,
Lise
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((((((Lise)))))) Thank you... that was so well expressed.
My own life depends on repentance, too... and confession, especially to myself, of my own shadows.
And now, for the first time in my life, I feel that I am safe enough both to express my own hurts and to allow others to express theirs.
This has happened as a direct result and through all of your sharing here and it's a giant leap... to be able to look at all of the mega-changes and struggles of the past three years and say more than simply, "I've survived"!
Now, I am actually feeling life inside... I mean, apart from the new birth, a new diminishing of the old shadows... and it's not about being free of npd enmeshments and control, but free of my own garbage.
All of that, because of these recent interactions here on this board, and your way of cutting to the chase.
Guess I shoulda explored AA long ago... but it never occurred to me to seek help there... and now, 3 years after quitting the drinking, I'm just finally understanding the concepts behind it all in order to become a safer person myself... and no longer terrified of the real-ness of it all. Wow, I am babbling. Anyhow, thank you, so much!
I absolutely trust that you will continue to purge those old hurts clean out of your system and that our loving Father will provide tender ears to ear and arms to embrace, as needed. HE is so faithful about that.
Love,
Carolyn
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Carolyn -- I love your babbling!
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lol... oy, Lise... you may regret sayin that... lol. Thanks, though :) Made me grin!
I'm just really excited about these new feelings of vibrance and wholeness...
and my laryngitis is finally about gone, so I'm in full voice... lol.
Love to you,
Carolyn
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lol... no blinking over here ((((((Lollie))))))
I kinda thought you were Lutheran, the first time I saw you mention Ash Wednesday.
Years ago, I went through a siege (more like a spasm :?) of ripping to shreds nearly every denomination within Christendom, as I picked apart doctrinal issues and darn near drove myself mad with examination of issues. ugh. Thank God for a kinder, gentler spirit and mentality. Now, as I wrote to my die-hard-Lutheran dad not long ago, Yes, I do believe there will be some Lutherans in heaven. lol. I hope you know I'm kidding... but my dad is quite serious about not being too sure there'll be anything other than Mo Synod Lutherans in heaven.
anyhow... it is no longer a sensitive issue with me, but thanks for thinking of me! (And I always loved celebrations according to the church year calendar, especially the advent and lenten mid-week services.)
Love,
Carolyn
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hi gabben,
I see you have had some good interchange, so I will go back to when I rented ½ a house.
---a story and a half, so two families could live there. I paid $100.00 per month (don't choke. That was 1968.) I earned $70.00 per week. (Don't laugh. It was 1968) The rule being , pay no more per month rent than one earns per week.
ROTFL!!! I was born in 1968!
Ah! I had to rent and found a single mother with daughter. I was ready to ask her to leave earlier than the 6 months I gave her, but (Don't laugh. This was 1968) I confiscated her sewing machine and sound system in lieu of rent---until she paid.
Go girl!!
She found another place and moved out. I had a couple moving in, but suddenly noticed that the huge fuse clip that runs the dryer and stove was missing. It had to be removed when appliances were coming or going, and she knew that and took it with her.
how devious of her!!!
Noon hours from work I drove around and around until I saw her car---- noted the address---went home and read the whole telephone book for that address' phone number---made an appointment to visit her landlady--- her dryer not yet hooked up--asked landlady to note the Electrician's name when he came and to call me. (I had other people searching with no luck) Say it was Izzy Electrical works-- so called them and asked if they had such and such of an old fuse clip-yada yada, and coinky-dinky they did. I paid $5.00 to get it back in time for my new tenants.
(She finally paid the rent due and I gave back her appliances)
Resourceful!
Izzy, did you miss your calling to be a private detective or a good attorney? One thing for sure, you are a problem solver!
Lise
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On the other hand, I know some folks to whom I'd never dare make that suggestion... it simply wouldn't be worth the grief.
They're not necessarily npd folks, just very insecure personalities who have not yet learned to live beneath the surface of life by laying aside the shame of the ages... but that's another story. All I know is - there's no opportunity for genuine intimacy with such a person. I know that because I was one...
and I had not a clue what it would be like to be utterly transparent in relationship. Now I have a clue and want to build on that : )
Dear Carolyn,
I just found this:
"If you rebuke a mocker, you will only get a smart retort; yes, he will snarl at you. So don't bother with him; he will only hate you for trying to help him. But a wise man, when rebuked, will love you all the more. Teach a wise man, and he will be wiser; teach a good man, and he will learn more." Proverbs 9:8-9, TLB5
I figured you would appreciate it!
Love,
Lise
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On the other hand, I know some folks to whom I'd never dare make that suggestion... it simply wouldn't be worth the grief.
They're not necessarily npd folks, just very insecure personalities who have not yet learned to live beneath the surface of life by laying aside the shame of the ages... but that's another story. All I know is - there's no opportunity for genuine intimacy with such a person. I know that because I was one...
and I had not a clue what it would be like to be utterly transparent in relationship. Now I have a clue and want to build on that : )
Dear Carolyn,
I just found this:
"If you rebuke a mocker, you will only get a smart retort; yes, he will snarl at you. So don't bother with him; he will only hate you for trying to help him. But a wise man, when rebuked, will love you all the more. Teach a wise man, and he will be wiser; teach a good man, and he will learn more." Proverbs 9:8-9, TLB5
I figured you would appreciate it!
Love,
Lise
Thank you, Lise... that's the truth! I love the Biblical Proverbs so much... and to read them in the Living Bible just makes them leap off the page with clear meaning!
You know, I think it's safe to say that most of us don't enjoy being told we're wrong, and yet would we really go out of our way from that point onward in attempts to make our "rebuker" look bad? No way! I know I wouldn't.
Just thinking in comparison here, between the "average" human beings I know and those who are possibly disordered (like this one with whom I work who absolutely glories in catching another person in a mistake - ugh.) If she is revealed to be in error (and cannot deny it), I have watched her go absolutely bonkers with misery, snotty and sulking, until the next mistake (by someone else) comes to light, at which time she's practically giddy with glee! It is so weird... and really, beyond obnoxious to behold. I seriously need to concentrate on ignoring this woman. Praying for her daily is helping to ease my annoyance, but still... whew. This was one of those days.
Honestly, I would generally rather just correct someone else's mistakes than to have to risk embarassing them about it... but sometimes it can't be helped, because you don't want it to go on happening! But I still dread those times, especially with this one. Just like npd-ex.
Hugs, Lise, I really appreciate the Word... and please feel free to point out my rubbish any time, lest I trip myself or someone else up in it!
Love,
Carolyn
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Izzy -- I have read your question about powerlessness and I think I am getting in touch with the part of my victimhood which was so helpless, more than powerless. After reflecting on it a bit I came up with the word helpless and realized that I have a lot of repressed helpless feelings surfacing these days.
Time to resolve the helplessness and realize that that was yesterday and not today.
I have many more thoughts to share with you on this.
I'll get there.
Peace and hugs, Izzy -- I pray for you and your legs.
Lise