Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on February 22, 2008, 05:11:14 PM
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I checked the board recently and was alarmed to find CB leaving.
Finding Peace is gone, too.
I don't want to have to leave the board.....
taking a break is one thing.
Having to go bc it's topsy turvy and alien...... is another.
This is a NO CONFLICT ZONE thread.
Please.
If something negative needs to be discussd.... please start another thread.
Now....
Izzy.... sorry to read your legs didn't heal up properly.
I hope things go as well as they possibly can. So glad you're getting along with your daughter.
Divinesunshine.... when you check back in.... I'm still here for you.
Hops....... I'm glad you're still posting.... the board wouldn't be the same without you.
Mud...... hope you're still here.... I'm going to need your voice.
Tay and Lupita.... things OK?.
::sigh::
I'd really like to see the spirit of the old board..... if only on this one thread.
CB.... please don't leave.
You're so many steps ahead of me...... I need to see your light up ahead.
Catspaw..... remind me when it's time to light the fire.
Write.... Axa..... I hope your still here.
I don't want to participate in negative unhelpful confusing conflicts (that I'll never understand and no longer have any interest in figuring out.)
::shrug:: I don't want to read them either.
I don't know who's fighting with who'm and I don't want to know.
I don't want to see injured people injur each other. ::shaking head::
Is Changing still MIA?
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Dear ((( Lighter )))
How truly great to see you.
Hermes has left the board.
Bella has left the board.
I am still hanging in here!
Axa is here.
Lupita is here, not so often.
Changing, dear Changing is still MIA.
Mud is here.
Hops is here.
And NO Conflict at the moment -- on the contrary, we have been interacting most happily in a happy jollly thread or two. :)
Love, Leah
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Hi Leah. Glad there's no conflict at the moment. That's refreshing.
Glad to see you still here and sorry that Changing hasn't returned: (
I'm going to make dinner..... baked chicken again (with nummy french bread broken up on bottom of pan drizzled in olive oil and garlic)
So glad to be back.
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((((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))))
hi, woman!
Post a pic of the bench!
And...your, ahh, situation?
Anything moving?
How are the little darlins?
xo
Hops
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Hi Izz.
Not lonely..... it's more of a marooned thing.
Sort of lost behind the line of scrimmage without any teamates, really.
Plenty of company...... but not the same, KWIM?
Hops.... I'm going to forward the website so you can check out the bench.
On that note... I spent the morning cutting out big curvey pieces of craft pieces to look like stepping stones. Then I spray painted them with black paint so they look aged and covered in wet mucky mildew.
I then proceeded to get carried away with a hot glue gun and 5 big bunches of 90% off leafy preserved leaves in gold, green, red and orange..... along with a big box of moss I had leftover from last summer and some bark and sticks and pinecones.
I ended up covering every inch and left a couple mostly moss. I'll throw them around the bottom of at the sale and you'll see the faux fur rug we made, total of 6.00, from a wholesale buy of separate pelts bought at a jewelry wholesaler. Buy of the century and I'm trying to figure out if I'll have any power to string lights through branches and attach to the back of the bench.
I gotta tell ya..... being creative right now is a much needed diversion.
I'm looking for another mosaic project to do with the girls.
I'm thinking a big face in mostly green tiles, bobbes, stones and marlbles..... blue eyes..... grouted in green.
What say you?
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Lighter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a week from hell at school, feel very lonely.
I am very sorry that it took a CB pain for you to come back.
CB, can you just take a brake instead of going? Just a little rest? Nap? SIESTA???????????
Then come back, only read the things you like, and ignore the ones you do not.
I do that.
CB CB CB CB CB CB CB CB CB I need you!!!!!!!!!! We need you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=7178.0
Waiting for your insightful opinion.
Love to you.
Again, I had a week from hell.
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Welcome Back Lighter I hope that everything is going well for you. Ami
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Welcome back Lighter :D
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Hi, Lighter.
Hope y'all are well.
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Lighter,
Good to see you back and happy to meet you in the no conflict zone.
xxx
axa
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Lighter! Welcome back! Talk C B into coming back! We need to be able to talk with grace and diplomacy to learn from one another. I am trying to cut the sarcasm. Kelly
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Hey Lupita, lol!
So sorry you had another week from hell. What happened this time.... where's the thread?
::Going to check the site you listed::
I got to reading that N info you started posting. Very interesting stuff.
Everyone else..... very much hoping CB comes back again..... but I understand if she has to go.
Just a very large space left behind.... I feel like she's one of the board's Old Gaurd.... like we're losing a very important fixture.
Someone who should always be here.... one of the voices of reason and knowledge...... it;s like a kick in the stomach now that Changings still MIA.
::going to find Lupe's thread on her week, for real this time::
ps: Overcomer..... cut the sarcasm...?
::sigh::
Maybe, but..... we still need out Mike Luckovitch on the board. As long as it;s the truth.... I think sarcasm can cut straight to the point without any dithering lingering post after post of sidestepping around the actual point, KWIM? Truth.... intention..... these things matter. I really beleive that..... still believe that.
Darnit... I keep flicking the caps key off with my pinky, lol! I think that means I'm happy to be back.
((((Axa))))..... consider this thread an ex patriot safety zone. I was so glad to see you still posting: )
Besee..... safe and sound? I'd love to say that was so. Post #5 of Lupita;s mentioned thread..... at the end.
CB..... please don't stay gone long.
Must run and get darling youngest ready for her "K observation" which is one of those terribly stressful upsetting times when a parent bites their fingernails and hopes their child doesn't have a bad morning. She's got a snotty nose and lungs full of thick icky stuff so.... I'm going to pick up two Venti Latte's and prepare to attempt quitly meditate while she;s being 'observed.'
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Observation for youngest dd went very well.
We always seem to have an ear infection or fever for these occassions and this morning it was congestion, cough and ear pressure.
Happy to report she went off without a fight and lasted thgrough the interview without melting down.
There was good news in that this years admissions has many more places open than usual.
25.......
for 105 applicants :shock:
Duoh!
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Yup yup yup... for Kindergarten, lollie.
(Rant warning)
Lot's of competition for schools in this neck of the woods.
And this isn't anywhere near the top of the list either.
I can't imagine if we applied to the top schools. ::shudder::
Well.... we applied to the top left wing school last year and my H kicked me under the table 3 times.... in front of the interviewing parent. :shock:
We didn't get in.
They weren't hard kicks.... they were "don't talk about teacher problems" kicks.
He thought she was a teacher, not a parent. At that school the parents make the decisions about who gets in.
The kids can go barefoot and dye their hair purple if they want.... wonderful programs and NO grades, which I liked for my highly competitive first born angel.
Right now I have my very round 7yo in pleated plaid skirts with ugly black mary janes strapped to her little feet during school hours. Uniforms are not a good thing, IMO.
Before I went to visit those left wing folks.... I went to talk to a so called education advisor..... I thought he'd tell me which schools would be a good fit for my children.
I wanted to enrich their learning experience.
::nod::
Provide them with an environment that facillitated their flourishing learning experience and helped them discover their passions.
Ah hem.
Turned out that the guy was headmaster at the second rated RIGHT wing school for 20 years.
He was quite impressed with himself too, lol.
I paid to hear him call me the "great unwashed" (which I laughed about, considering the context.)
I'm not pedegreed and my Grandfather isn't on any school boards buying up land and building wings, that's for certain.
More importantly..... I learned that people don't choose schools to facilitate their children's enhanced learning experience.
Nope nope nope. Silly me....
They select schools according to their political and religious beliefs. Mainly political, as he grouped them into Right Wing and Left Wing categories.
Then....
these people choosing schools full of people very similar to themselves......
raise
their
children
to
be
just
like
them.
Who knew?
I no likey.
At the end of the hour the ex headmaster guy got all fidgety and impatient.
He practically threw some paperwork at me......
farted
then popped off down the hall....
towards the bathroom I presume: /
Poor man.
It must have been dreadful for him.
Considering I was the great unwashed and he was fantastically pompouse horn (pedigreed, no doubt) so uptight you'd swear there was a stick tucked away somewhere.
All in all..... he regained his composure and walked me to the door..... me trying to remember the quesitons about schools a friend was interested in.
At the mention of one school in particular, he turned to me and barked.... "just how FAR LEFT ARE YOU?"
I already told him 'a friend' was interested. Not me, sheesh.
Moving along and I'm sorry if I've bored the pants off you at this point but it's theraputic to just let it out....
Who knew that we should choose schools according to our political beliefs?
I had no idea.
After that experience...... I figured I'd go see the Left wing folks in charge of their best school, just to see how the other half of the voters approached this education equation.
I liked them.
A lot.
They seemed to be willing to allow their children to become unique individuals, at any rate. ::shrug::
Oh oh... one more thing this ex headmaster actually told me.....
I found this information particularly frustrating and unhelpful.
You choose school A if:
You were very attractive... he said that the mothers and daughters actually look similar in age there.
Another school was for the Power Couples in our City.
Yet another school was for those who liked to throw attend snobby social gatherings..... yes.... he only knew about the right wing schools.
He really said all this, and I about fell off my chair when he threw in that one school had THE best drama program.
That was actually information I could use for my purpose.
Right?
But who knows if your child is going to want to do THAT when they're in PreK or K?
Hmmmm....
Yes,
I was entertained,
but highly demoralized on the school selection front.
You don't even want to know about the rules for approaching, applying and sucking up when you finally make your 1st, second and third choices. Apparently, you hire this guy to be your mouthpiece and then you have several very specific hoops you find and jump through with a particular demeaner intended to look committed to them but not desperate, for God's sake.
They have it set up so that you have to pay an admission fee to many schools then freak out going to the mailbox till the first week of April.
All the schools send out their acceptance letters on the same day and you have no idea who's accepting you or not. Unless your pedigreed or scored over 160 on the JATP test.... which is another nuckle biting experience I don't want to repeat.
So.... you try not to lie too much then proceed to tell every school that they're your first and ONLY choice...... then hope you get into number one.
If you didn't..... you're then grateful if number 2 accepts you.
If not..... you're grateful if number 3 does, and so on.
::sigh::
Sorry for the rant.
And.....
I didn't apply to my second, third or fourth choices for my youngest this year. :shock:
It's gonna be a long wait for that letter to show up. ::nod::
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HI Lighter, the reason I did not start a thread about my week from hell is because we do not have any teachers here on the board. Gratitud28 is a teacher but she is the only one and I see her on line in very few occations. So, I do not want to post a problems where almost nobody, (this is not applied to you) knows about what is to work with spoiled bratts that are 18 years old, drive, they come from rich families, and the administration give them more authority that to the teachers.
I gave a detention to a student who stayed 35 minutes outside of the class, just wondering around on campus, then my supervisor overturned it because she said he was helping another student. I investigated and he helped for five minutes only, the rest of the time he was vagabunding around. Then my supervisor gets mad if they are not in class and she thinks it is my responsibility to keep them in class. She says, write them up, and why do I write them up? for they to overturn it? and I have to fight with the student because they have to sign the discipline referral, and agree with it. They do not want to do it, when they finally do it they overturn it, then they tell me they do not want to lose students because the school needs the money. So, it is very confusing, also, a student said that I give too much work, and he was going to kill me, and the supervisor said that it was just kids stuff, they say seally things, she totally ignored me and invalidated me. NOt only that in class I offered to do an activity on the overhead if they needed help and a student smart ass said that if I was going to sit on the overhead. I told my supervisor and she said that is kid stuff that if I do not like kids I should not be teaching, on top, of the so low salary.
But I hate opinions of people who do not know anything about education, and know nothing about availability of teaching positions, and only believe thet lies of media saying that we are short of teachers, believeuing like stupid that there are many positions available, and I do not want to hear anything about people who do not know how to deal with high school students.
So, that is why.
Sorry if I sound bad, but I feel very very bad today and I do not want opinions, I do not want people to diagnose me or tell me to go volunteer and I do nto want people to assinge feelings to my self, so, that is why I did not start a thread. So, if you want to say something about it I would welcome it, but unless anybody else is an educator, I do not want to hear opinions of people who ignore how is the education system, from the perspective of an exploited teacher, foreign with an accent.
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I am being more prolific posting because your come back gave me energy and enthusiasm to come back and stay. Thank you for coming back.
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Hi ((((( Lupita )))))
In all fairness, the volunteer thing was only ever mentioned by kind hearted folk here months ago in 2007, for an idea to get out and meet new people etc., at that particular time, then.
I am so sorry to know you have had a hellish week with those 4 young people disrupting the classroom - frustrating to say the least. I don't have an understanding of your education system so I don't feel I am in any position to offer any guidance or counsel. However, I can offer you my sincerest empathy and understanding in the situation.
Take care now, and I truly wish for you, a peaceful weekend.
Love, Leah
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Dear Lea, Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish somebody handed me a solution. Hope you can read my thread about classroom terrorists.
God bless you.
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Lighter, I beg you, please write some essays (you just did) about this ring of Saturn you live in and send them out...that was absolutely farking brilliant.
Hops
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Geezo guys!!!!! Ya know......
.....Don't we ALL just miss the heck outta Lighter?? Love the posts! Love "THE ZONE"
I don't come here much lately due to continued sagas in my life, very interesting stuff, but no time to explain right now. Taking all my energy to hold center anyway...BUT
Noticed the conflict going on and didn't want to get involved either. Just handling my own "stuff" right now. So glad to see everyone posting here to say hello and 'peace'.
CB IS LEAVING???? CRAP!!!!! NOOOOOoooooooooo!! Pretty please---CB? Stick around or at least check in on us. You were so supportive to me always, and I know so many others. Keep in touch---somehow...ok?
LIGHTER----woooohoooo! Good luck with the munchkins. Wow---what a process for school! We are lucky here if they actually learn something once they are there!!! .....and I about died about the ###farting####!!!!!!! Hilarious!
And dear Changing...........praying.......
Hello to everyone!
Love
Sunny
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Hi lighter,
Would it help to drive the children to a ruralghetto kindergarten. I bet you could save enough on the high powered uppity up city school tuitions to pay for the extra gas it would take. Lots of time to visit there and back. Might even give the little darlins a head start on their first year of public service in a poor country. Oh, and a few pairs of bib overalls instead of the uniforms. Am I way out of touch with the rules and regs? For sure, I'm probably out of touch with schedules and time constraints.
tt
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lup-One thing I know is there is so much freakn politics in ANY school. My kids go to a private school and sometimes that is worse. Parents with money controlling administrators. But I remember school and how the cheer try outs were rigged and certain teachers hated you and treated you badly because of who you were or were not. I would not want to be involved in education!
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((Divinesun!!!)))
So glad to see you have time to post for a minute.
So glad to see you here. I worry about you....... still so heartroken about changing. ((Sun))
Lupita... I posted to you last night on this thread but cyber space ate it.
Same message. There are nice people at your school and the same old same old icky unprofessional people who'll be giving trouble to other's no matter what.
I bet it's impossilble to change your expectations of them, and find some distance emotionally, when they're sabotaging your life on a daily basis.
And kids will always be kids. Nothing to be done about that, esp when some are enabled and insighted by other authority figures at the school.
::shaking head::
It's shameful but there it is. Those people can't do any better.... or they would.
And they're everywhere. In all walks of life. At about every job out there.
As for the bad kids, the good kids and the ones who go back and forth?
The good the bad and the wicked will all grow old and die so...... the replacements are in training...... bringing up the rear.
What a terrifying point of view to have, as a teacher of 17 and 18 year olds?!?!
There's no changing all of them.... so focus on helping those you can and feeling good about it..... when/if
possible.
This isn't about destroying your life..... I don't think anyone seriously has that in mind as they do stupid, mean, unprofessional things to you. They're just trying to feel better and God only knows what makes people like that tick. I never tortured a teacher or co worker..... so I can't give any insights.
I can say.... you'll move on at some point, hopefully.
You'll take the lessons with you.....
and perhaps leave impressions on some of the children who's lives you touched.
The paycheck is just a paycheck...... as it will be anywhere. It's the kids that are at the center of this equation and we're all learning and growing.
The wicked, the passive, the decent among us, the children, the employers and the employed.
Everyone does the best they can at the time.
I really do believe that.
TT..... when I started this whole process I didn't have to drive to a ghetto school. I could walk to the one accross the street where children were being bused in from different areas. I waste 2 hours of gas driving to the schools we're in now...... so there wouldn't be any savings in driving to a rural ghettos school... not that I have the brain power to figure out the benefit to it right now: /
::going to another computer:: My 5yo wants to play on build a bear.
brb
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(((Hops)))
Let me tell you about the day I took my 3yo to her first school 'observation', lol.
You wouldn't believe how naked I felt in sandals,and sparkley pink toenails,in a room full sweaty desperate parents dressed in suits, power ties and really ugly (closed toed) shoes.
AND.... I had a baby on my colorful silk skirt clad hip: /
They must have been horrified for me, lol.
Truly.
When Baby J began babbling happily during the forced parent inprisonment chat (with the admissions director.....) she usually babbled during hyms at church, no doubt she thought that's where we were...... I found the pleasant little noise truly a blessing in that uptight scary room full of fear.
Everyone else managed to stiffen up another notch, something I would have thought impossible but nooooo.....
so I hushed her. No big deal, right?
GOD it was such a needlessly abusive little chat he gave!
He managed to upset all the parents by about 300% and kill my ignorent blissful serenity, pronto.
Later, the mommy sitting next to me told me she was so relieved that my baby was so well behaved. Her little boy would have been bouncing off the walls and she had been fearful for me.
She was fearful bc the admissions people have a lot of power over us..... they can arbitrarily set standards for the children then ignore everything they said they judge them on, which they did in our case. God help the people who's tots melted down during the testing..... or pooped their pants (yes, that happened to my youngest, but that story another time.)
I now understand that it is indeed about politics.
We're all a prisoner of it, at times, Lupita.
You can feed 25 orphans through the church orphanage in Haiti.... you can bring food to sick elderly people in the hospital every day but...... participate heavily during every clothing and food drive, provide Christmas for 3 children off the church Christmas tree but you aint worth nuthin if you aren't chairing a committee or sucking up in the right way to the right people.... preferably with a 20K check in hand.
I wouldn't know how to present a bribe like that and not screw it up, btw: /
That GOLDEN TICKET, bought to any school in the STATE if you're child is accepted into the 3yo program at this school, (the only game in town Mr. admissions told us) is a huge money maker for the school.
I had no idea about any of this when I chose the church and the school.
Ah hem.
We were wait listed.....
and everyone in my circle was S H O C K E D.
My book club members at church, my neighbor, other Mother Morning out mommies who sought out my child for playdates to help socialize their widdle puddins. :shock:
Waitlisted. ::nodding::
I remember comically falling to my knees,in a flower bed,the day I read the letter. :x
I yelled "NUHOOOOOOOOOO" in an overtly dramatic fashion (robably had the neighbors thinking I'd lost someone dear to me.)
The truth was..... I hadn't applied anywhere else. :shock:
Holy crap.... what was I going to do NOW? Pre school was upon us! I didn't even go to pre school btw. I don't know why I was so freaked out bc L already knew everything they were going to be going over: /
But I was and so.....
I'd been rejected by a marginal school,and I really didn't know that every high mucky muck richy rich was applying their child too.
I wanted community not a snobby environment.....
this is a wonderful example of not applying the important lessons I took away from secondary education.
90% research.
10% execution.
I didn't know how to play the game.
I come from self employed creative thinkers who avoid this type of situation throughout our entire lives. Pretty much at all costs.
I've never voted a straight ticket, to make matters worse, lol.
I don't even obviously belong to any GROUP of people attending these institutions.
That ex head master sneered that people who go to the different schools "don't live in the same communities" they wouldn't possibly end up with their children at the same schools.
Like I was stupid, lol... I suppose I was in that arena.
What an eye opener. :shock:
So much for searching for schools with teaching philosophies that suit individual children. ::shaking head::
And they're all so different.
Children really could benefit from careful consideration in that area, IMO.
So far.... this entire subject's been carefully crafted around excluding peopole...... not about embracing a child/or steering them towards a place where they'll flourish.
The word "elitism" comes to mind.
The word "child" doesn't.
It's about status for the parents, comfort for the parents..... social entertainment. Not what's best for Jr.
The end to that particular story was a good one.
We ended up at a school with twice the program for half the money and they had a very good flexible after school program and activities. Very small school.... very small classes. It was all good: )
Overcomer... they forbid giving teachers gifts at our current school now bc parents were giving trips and hugely expensive things and expecting things from the teachers in return. Like getting their children leads in school plays, etc.
Right now.... the demanding parents who get in the teacher's faces are the one's who's little darlings get what they want.
Lupita... when I had some trouble communicating with a PreK teacher.... I felt completely abused by her and unable to be heard. She made assumptions and did what she wanted to my child. I was afraid to even question her bc of what she'd do to my dd.
I considered taking her out of the school rather than address the trouble, which I eventually resolved bc of information I got from my daughter.
The teacher was actually defensive when I solved the problems she was having with my daughter, without any help from her... only sabotage. She had labled my child in her head and was creating power struggles then complaining to me about the problems without giving me any information surrounding them.
It was maddening bc we'd just had a magical year where her teacher said I didn't have to attend parent teacher meetings, my "L was doing so well... just keep doing what I was doing, L was her heart."
THe next teacher said she was roiling in class and could I please tell her about my home so she could help me fix my child? She refused to answer any questions about the class and denied that the new class, peers or teachers could be any small part of the problems so she refused to consider them. That was frustrating since it turned out that her inconsistency with discipline was causing L to go bonkers and try to control the class. Once I explained that it was the teacher's job... to only concern herself with her own business... thing cleared up like magic. She stopped paying attention tounruly little boys and became the lteacher's pet, just like she'd been the year before.
I'd started dreading carpool bc the teacher would come and heft her ass into my car, in front of everyone, and put L on the spot. "Are you going to tell your mother what happened today.... or am I?"
No info about what happened before the incident, just complaints and plans to change my child completely over a number of years.
It had taken me so many years to ruin her.... so it stood to reason it would take so many years to completely re train her, yes? It was nuts! And that's what prompted me to go see the ex head master guy in the first place. I thought the learning environment was killing my child's spirit and love of school. All the sudden she no longer wanted to go 7 days a week with joy and light in her eyes. I had to drag her into school!
The teacher never admitted that she was wrong. She was, however, sitting in a booth next to mine the day I told a phychologist about my husband choking me when I caught him in an affair.... how he'd been financially terrorizing me. She got up and walked past me with a little smile on her face.
Of all the Vegan joints in all of the city..... we had to end up sitting in the same one, back to back, within hearing distance. And my T was becoming hard of hearing to boot so it wasn't a terribly low murmbered conversation either: /
There are icky people everywhere, teachers, parents, kids, clergy members, parishoners, peers..... it's a matter of coping and problem solving.
I see that more clearly lately.
Developing coping strategies and problem solving skills that work for us is very important.
Not becoming overwhelmed or even better, learning how to right our boats when do become overwhelmed. Getting back on track and moving forward.
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Well, it is very sad that you had a bad experience. It seems that no matter in what end of the counter we are. We are victims all te time. Or victimized. I dont know.
It seems no matter what I do, I do wrong. Today at church, the worship lieder anounced the wrong order, so I started palying when I should have not. I had to stop. Then she was supposed to do a prayer and she did not, so I was waiting for her prayer to start the doxology, and some members of the choir told me "play', "play", then I satrted to play and the worhsip leader started to do the prayer, then I had to stop. Then they did the anointed, and the choir secretary asked me to come with the choir to the altar so I was anointed too. I got to relaxed after so much praying and after the pastor and the elders put their hands on my head, and when I was asked to go back to the piano to play the next hymn, I had a lot of trouble to get of my knees, arthritis, and the relaxation made me lose the tension on my muscles, and my fingers did not respond, so I was playing wrong notes, I told the secretary to plaese donot order me to go to the altar before I finish the last hymn, because I cannot think clearly after that. She said that she wanted me to be included, they also made me stop during the communion, so I take the bread, and then others told me that I should not stop playing during communion because it creates an aukward moment. Then after service, a member of the choir told me that my intro to the dosxology was not very clear, and I was not following the choir director. Then she proceeded to give me a hug and I pushed her so strongly away that she almost fell. I said I was tired of her remarks and I told her, dont touch me.
Then I went to eat with my son and he was ignoring me. I left. I am at home now, alon as usual, cooking my self in my own souce. Upset, frustrated and feeling like a victim. Tomorrow, sixth period.
Life is difficult, then we die.
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Hi lighter,
TT..... when I started this whole process I didn't have to drive to a ghetto school. I could walk to the one accross the street where children were being bused in from different areas. I waste 2 hours of gas driving to the schools we're in now...... so there wouldn't be any savings in driving to a rural ghettos school... not that I have the brain power to figure out the benefit to it right now:
I've been put in time out a time or two for how I write here. It's true I'm not a trained writer and know next to nothing about technical writing. The point I'm trying to make is that by asking you the following, I'm not trying to make you feel bad about your writing style, just wanting to understand your style. I think it would help me if I asked you this. Am I right that you often lampoon the situations you encounter when you post them on the board? I never know quite where you wish to take me when you write.
tt
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(((Shunned?)))
((Shunned!!!))
::standing back to look at you in the light of this new name::
So warm to read your post, not sure why but it's reassuring.
I think bc you're one of the people who've really overcome and learned to deal with a traumatic past.... turn it into something better.
Some people go through an unbeleivable amount of trauma and still come out ok. Izzy and bones come to mind.
Some go through much less and never get over it.
::sigh:: I want to be one of the resilliant ones.... like you.
I like the new name. It suites you: )
Lupita.... your church situation reminds me of your classroom discilpine situation.
There are no right choices, are there?
Not if you're trying to please everyone else, anyway.
I guess you do what you know is the right thing then quit thinking about it as best you can. Good for you.... tell them what order things need to happen in be clear. Be professional and polite. Maybe they'll get it right?
I just finished reading EAT PRAY LOVE (when the Texan said "they got mosquitos so big here they could rape a chicken" I about peed my pants, so funny!) and I wish I could learn to meditate.... that might help us accept and make peace with the things we can't change... the unfair things that are so wrong.
I think about it seriously every so often.... then don't do anything about it.
I actually think my prayers are a meditation of sorts. It feels like I'm focusing on one of those eye trick illusions when I pray successfully. For now, that will have to do.
So you had a bad lunch with your son. How is everything else on that front going?
TT.... I think lampooning might be an accurate assessment of some of my posts: /
I certainly wanted you to find the humor, I attempt to cultivate for myself, out of the frustrating predicatments in life.
Sometimes I think I couldn't make up some of the stuff that happens to me. I mean.... come on.... the uptight ex head master, all very proper.... farting on me after he insults me?!!? Who does this stuff happen to, lol?
It really did happen to me.
And... another mommy asked me why I thought my oldest dd's pre K teacher didn't like her.
I said.... 'well, she's pretty much labled her a fat, defiant manipulating bully.... "
and the other mommy, who so much wanted to deny that truth, had to admit that was the case and agree that I was right.
Who does this happen to?
Me. (all the while understanding there are worse things and they don't only happen to me but I talk about what's bothering me to help me cope)
The above mentioned mama had to laugh when she explained how that same pre K teacher glared at her in the hall later that week... and this after the mama smiled at her. She was stunned that the dislike of me and my child carried over to HER!! She understood how big a problem I had in that classroom... after that and all the other teachers went out of their way to be kind and smiley to me, I could tell she'd been talking to them about the dilemma. This woman had put 3 children through that school... she was well known and loved by all the faculty, she subbed for teachers and nurses. And then there was this, with me and my child in the middle.
This is the same mama who had another mama turn her back on her and stomp away in carpool once she realized her/my friend's husband was Mike Luckovitch, (the left wing political cartoonist that draws President Bush's ears in a very large humorous fashion.)
Right wing school, remember? These things happen to everyone.... not just me. I know that.
I find this all tragic. Mean. Heartbreaking for my child and the hearts of nice people who are shunned everywhere.... but I try to find humor in it. I try to solve the problems I can (as in my daughter's case) where the only solution was helping my daughter find coping stategies for problems surrounding her in the classroom, which I did.
After it was fixed.... the teacher came to me and said that the problems had "magically dissapeared."
Ummmm.....magically, my ass! I'd been through hell figuring out what she'd created and refused to deal with. It wasn't magic.... it was my heartbreak and my child's heartbreak and tears and months of thinking of nothing else but that, till it was solved.
I told her that she'd now "met L."
Something she was unwilling to admit until it materialized in front of her..... that my child wasn't a fat little monster we'd have to spend years pounding into a decent human being. That she was a lovely smart little girl who was usually a joy in class. That she'd(the teacher) been wrong and a PITA and a hurtful, unprofessional bitch working hard at ruining my child's passion for school while dismissing every word out of my mouth and undermining my ability to help her solve the problems.
Even now.... I can't talk about it to the school people BECAUSE I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD I WANT TO GET INTO THAT OVER PRICED MEDIOCRE SCHOOL. And they can deny me access.... still might.
We'll see.
That whole school year was about heartbreak but I have to laugh about it or i'll go crazy, so yes..... I laugh a lot and I lampoon situations others might not laugh about.
You're expected to laugh and maybe pass along some empathy and good advice.... learn something, share similar situations and be entertained a bit but I don't want you to feel discomfort and confusion about how I intend for all this to be taken. I expect everyone will have different emotions when they read it. Some negative but that's OK too.
I don't want you to worry about how to take it.
Thanks for asking for clarification.
(((TT))) I've missed you too and..... what did you mean when you suggested I send my children to a ruralghetto school?
I still don't understand how I was supposed to take that one. I only know I haven't taken it any way, so I ask: )
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I prefer humor over many ways of expressing and processing emotions.
I've been paying attention to the sometimes gentle, and sometimes not so gentle, downward spiral of some of the same aged women on the outskirts of my life.
People I knew once but hear about from a distance lately.
I wonder if they're on downward paths bc they haven't managed to figure out how to cope....
and if after trauma after trauma....
they just get weaker.....
less able to cope bc their systems weren't strong enough to deal with the little things.
They're crumbling under the larger things, the accumulation of things the daunting heartbreaks of things.
Is that it?
Our psyches are like our immune systems and process bad things all the time.... but at some point they just get more bad than they can process and things start to log jam?
They start to spill over?
They start to build and build then we're 2 miles up with no way to get down, other than crashing?
And what goes up... always comes down.
We'd best learn how to climbe ourselves down safely.... honorably..... keeping ourselves safe and in tact....
or else?
Will they find better coping strategies and turn things around?
Or have they lost their identities?
Lost their ability/desire/strength to sustain BEING who they spent time and energy cultivating?
Are they unable to stop and change direction..... for themselves?
Did they really want what they asked for?
The one friend was a happy high income single gal, when I met her.
Smart.
20 years ago, she gave me my still favoritest dress of all time. I've never found one I like better. It's still in my closet. I wore it last Saturday night.
She was dynamic and organized and driven.
She made much more money than her soon to be husband, who'm I've always adored. (I'm told he just started behaving a little oddly lately too)
I heard she showed up at a Christmas party and had a surprising gray crew cut, looking like she'd just gotten out of bed at an asylum.... escaped her straightjacket, ran down the sidelawn and hitched a ride with helpful stranger......
Her husband.
I'm pretty focused on coping strategies lately.... I want to understand them and pick them apart.... add and subtract.
I know I could certainly improve mine.
More excercise for sure.
Self care as a dominant feature......
I'm going to start a thread on this.
I know.... we've done this many times but.... I need a refresher.
I want to hear what everyone's learned since our last round and what they've added to their toolboxes.
I can see the right way.... I just can't always walk the path.
It really does seem like alchemy at times.
Or like flipping a switch.... the difference between healthy adjustment, coping and acceptance.... and just barely making it.
If we're just barely making it.... we'd best seek out some better ways to deal.
I know that's part of the equation.
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Lost their ability/desire/strength to sustain BEING who they spent time and energy cultivating?
For most of the last 17 months since my breakup, that was me, barely finding the strength to get up one more day, to go to bed instead of driving my car off a cliff every evening, just putting my one foot in front of the other with some thin thread of faith I was hanging onto that one day it wouldnt be so bad.
Today...it's not nearly so bad, despite having moments come and go when I feel so much hatred bubbling up I'm afraid I'd be arrested or committed if he showed up here again....and so much grief and empty space where my heart used to be swelling, that I feel like I'm falling down a bottomless pit of dark emptiness.
I really like this last post of your Lighter. I am looking forward to a recap of strengths earned, lessons learned. I'm hungry to hear about those things from the survivors who have trudged ahead before me.
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Hi lighter,
TT.... I think lampooning might be an accurate assessment of some of my posts:
(((TT))) I've missed you too and..... what did you mean when you suggested I send my children to a ruralghetto school?
I still don't understand how I was supposed to take that one. I only know I haven't taken it any way, so I ask: )
Well, lighter My writing skills are not such that I have any room to critique that of another, so that's my disclaimer. On first, second and third reads of your post (i wanted to read and greet you on your return) which was long to begin with then stretched down an even longer page like a Portuguese fisherman's net, I couldn't tell if there was a point to be gathered. Part of the time you sounded like an elitist glorying amidst your new (I'm assuming new) expansive bed of fellow elitists. Then some of the time, you sounded like someone had tricked you and set you down in a bed of extravagant elitists without your having had a say. Then some of the time, it sounded like you were so frustrated by the situation that you just had to escape ::wiping brow:: . I still don't know if I'm even warm in any of what I thought.
Anyway, that's what I came away thinking and the only way I could make any sense of what I was thinking was to categorize it as a lampoon. So I thought, "I need to ask lighter if that is what she is doing."
It seemed to me that somehow between moving from the place where you could walk to the ghetto school across the street to where you live now, you forgot that there are alternatives to the situation you are in. But only if you hate it and desire to instill a slightly different set of values from those available to you in the present system. In other words if you're feeling like you're feeding your children through an elitist sausage grinder where each link comes our precisely the same, and you really don't want to do that - you can do it differently. There are options. One being a nice country kindergarten/school where kids are more apt to learn and develop freestyle and without so much social pressure. Hopefully, they wouldn't have to check their brain at the door either. My offering was to simply point out that even though you may feel bogged down with disgust in the present system, there are alternatives.
When you talk about your daughter going to be 'observed' it reminds me of being in a country run by a dictator, where all visitors are assigned 'minders'. Very uncomfortable.
lighter does the kindergarten you anticipate using have cameras that allow you, the parent to view your child from home or work? Just curious.
lighter, there are rural ghettos all over our country. I'm not advocating one way or the other that you search out one of these for your children. Every system has it's good, better and best points. But what you described (if I'm getting it right) seems like such a quagmire of fictitious traditions, rules and regulations, agendas that are designed to feed into the next fictitious system. The world. Now aren't I cheerful today!
Oh by the way people fart all the time, even you. Surprisingly, some people who refuse to control their bodilly noises do so to control and annoy others, and they are apt to have an attitude of, OK, so what are you going to do about it? This is especially true with farting and belching. Now isn't that an interesting little tidbit of pop psychology? You'd think I went to farting and belching school :P.
tt
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Oh by the way people fart all the time, even you. Surprisingly, some people who refuse to control their bodilly noises do so to control and annoy others, and they are apt to have an attitude of, OK, so what are you going to do about it? This is especially true with farting and belching. Now isn't that an interesting little tidbit of pop psychology? You'd think I went to farting and belching school :P.
tt --perhaps you should start a new thread on this topic?
ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:
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(((((((( LOL :lol: )))))))))
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tt:
Thanks for your assessment of my posts.
I understand.
Sometimes I'm so sick of myself, and thoughts, that I can hardly stand it.
Talking about the school dilemma is almost as much fun as discussing Ns with people who've never dealt with them.
::looking forward to a thread on farting, (or boompies, as we call them, in this family.)::
Here, we have a hard time ignoring them..... they seem to be cause for great joy and laughter.
::shrug::
Haven't given it too much thought but I suppose there'll be folks here who think that's awful and others who'll have some sort of obligatory fart/toilet game, everyone's dates must participate in, on Saturday night before they may leave the house :shock:
Just as long as I'm not required to accept anyone else's fart/belch belief system, I don't much care one way or the other.
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Just as long as I'm not required to accept anyone else's fart/belch belief system, I don't much care one way or the other.
LOL :lol:
Perhpas I should start a thread titled: "Why do other people's farts stink and my don't?" :P
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Lise,
Your farts stink?????????? I've never heard of that.
Love, Beth
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Lise,
Your farts stink?????????? I've never heard of that.
Love, Beth
Oh No Beth -- my farts DO NOT stink.....I'm perfect. It is everyone else's farts that stink, at least that is my belief system :P :P
I guess you can call me a Cathofartist.
Lise
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We should do a whole thing with N's and THIS topic(lol). Ami
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DMS criteria for NFD (Narcissistic Fart Disorder)
1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (my farts are bigger and better)
2.is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (wants to wipe out the universe with one huge fart.)
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique (My Farts don't stink but yours do)
4. requires excessive admiration (example not necessary -- you get the point)
5. has a sense of entitlement (Will fart anywhere at anytime)
6. is interpersonally exploitative -- (Uses other people's farts to make themselves look good.)
7. lacks empathy (example not necessary-- you get the point)
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her (my Farts are bigger and better than yours - everyone wishes they could fart like me.)
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes (let's not go there)
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Hi Izzy -- I'm confused??? Can you give me a grammar lesson?
My grammar not good, if you haven't noticed?
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OK, so here goes my first Izzy grammar test:
Why do other people's farts stink and my farts do not?
Is that better?
Gab
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Lost their ability/desire/strength to sustain BEING who they spent time and energy cultivating?
For most of the last 17 months since my breakup, that was me, barely finding the strength to get up one more day, to go to bed instead of driving my car off a cliff every evening, just putting my one foot in front of the other with some thin thread of faith I was hanging onto that one day it wouldnt be so bad.
Today...it's not nearly so bad, despite having moments come and go when I feel so much hatred bubbling up I'm afraid I'd be arrested or committed if he showed up here again....and so much grief and empty space where my heart used to be swelling, that I feel like I'm falling down a bottomless pit of dark emptiness.
I really like this last post of your Lighter. I am looking forward to a recap of strengths earned, lessons learned. I'm hungry to hear about those things from the survivors who have trudged ahead before me.
I'm so sorry your post got lost in the fart fray.
I'm reposting your words to get myself, ah hem, back on track.
I hope you post on the coping strategies thread.... I haven't heard any of your strategies yet.
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Dear Lighter:
Sorry that I hijacked your thread -- the "no conflict zone."
Peace,
Lise
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Is this better:
Why do other people's farts stink and not mine?
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:lol: :lol:
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::dropping head::
I have a stomach full of chocolate cresent rolls here I'm trying to enjoy here, lol!
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I took Gabben to be assigning a quotation to what an N would say in each particular circumstance in which case first person would be appropriate, no?
mud
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All this farting. I thought this was a no conflict zone, but there are methane bombs flying every which way ouch! No. Cut it out!
tt
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The title says "no conflict zone" NOT "no fart zone"
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Pehaps I better rethink my marriage, because my H meets some of the criteria for NFD ! I'm sure the statistics would say that the
majority of NFD's are male.
Hi Lighter, I guess it was ok about the hijack because of your comment about the chocolate cresent rolls?
Glad to see some humor- I needed it today.
cats paw
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Hey catspaw:
Ya,
fart jack,
no big deal.
Nothing like a little bodily function humor, to take the edge off.
It reminds me of my brother....
when he was dating my old roomate.....
they'd be disagreeing about something and he'd slightly turn his rear towards her and say....
"you're upsetting my tummy"
and she'd continue on, soe he'd take a couple more comically small steps, causing his rear to point a bit more directly in her direction and repeat....
"You're really upsetting my tummy"
By the time his weapon was brought fully to bear on her, she'd have dropped the subject and left the room.
A "no farting nonsense" kind'a gal, for sure.
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The gas in the intestine is produced by bateria. The bacteri over growth causes excess of gas.
Even the most beautiful woman or prince will produce smelly farts. The bateria produces the same gas in every human, so there is no possible way that somebody does not have smelly gass.
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Lupe.... you didn't comment back on my post to you: (
::still waiting::
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Lighter, what post do you refer to? I am willing to see it , I apologize, I do not know which, I have answered to several, please tell em which, love to you. Love love love love love love love love love.
Show me show me, slap me in the hand if you want. I will let you.
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::blushing::
Post 32 on this thread.
Second paragraph.
I've been a bit lengthy, lately.
Easy to miss something tucked away in a chapter, I understand: )
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I signed off and was going to go to dance class when I saw your post. I signed in immediately and came to read it. Then i saw the 32. Sorry, did not see it.
Lupita.... your church situation reminds me of your classroom discilpine situation.
There are no right choices, are there?
Not if you're trying to please everyone else, anyway.
I guess you do what you know is the right thing then quit thinking about it as best you can. Good for you.... tell them what order things need to happen in be clear. Be professional and polite. Maybe they'll get it right?
I just finished reading EAT PRAY LOVE (when the Texan said "they got mosquitos so big here they could rape a chicken" I about peed my pants, so funny!) and I wish I could learn to meditate.... that might help us accept and make peace with the things we can't change... the unfair things that are so wrong.
I think about it seriously every so often.... then don't do anything about it.
I actually think my prayers are a meditation of sorts. It feels like I'm focusing on one of those eye trick illusions when I pray successfully. For now, that will have to do.
So you had a bad lunch with your son. How is everything else on that front going?
When I read this, I felt a fricking stupif pain in my stomach. You said that it is the same in my classroom. F***ck.!!!!
It is not my classroom, it is my whole life.
You know, you are up to something with me. I guess is that stupid need of aproval. The students sense that and take advantage of that. They know I need them to like me and that is why they control me and push my bottons.
You just hit the neal.
Same at church, same at book club, same with friends, everybodt takes advantage of me because they feel the neediness.
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I guess they know that you want to be liked and approved of.
They use it to jerk you around with.
You care and it matters to you..... what people think.
That's a good thing.... when it's not too big a piece of your life, I guess.
The opposite is a person without empathy who cares for no one's feelings but their own... they use people for their own selfish hurtful ends and you're problems are a lot easier to fix than theirs.
Balance.
Putting yourself first.
Requiring your needs be met and asking in the right way, with the right inflection, for the right reasons.
You don't know what it is to feel entitled bc your family never gave you any consideration.
You have to figure that out for yourself then get comfortable with it.
I guess we're all sneaking up on it now.
I hope that makes sense. I;m a bit distracted with children in my lap.
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Izzy,
Not sure I get what you're saying.
Looks to me like Gabben is giving a list of criteria and then follows each characteristic up with a quote of what a narcissist would say.
In any event I don't think Western civilization hinges on it one way or the other. :)
mud
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Mud is a direct descendant of Paul Bunyan.
Dunno where he lives but I'm sure he has a blue ox named Babe.
Hops
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Izzy,
Not sure I get what you're saying.
Looks to me like Gabben is giving a list of criteria and then follows each characteristic up with a quote of what a narcissist would say.
In any event I don't think Western civilization hinges on it one way or the other. :)
mud
LOL