eNvy

[Stormchild]

Reading Sally's posts on another thread, it suddenly occurred to me just how much envy has to do with N abuse.

Envy drives unhealthy competition.

Envy drives people to lie about and to the target of their envy.

Envy drives people to shun and ignore the target of their envy [usually while lying about them].

Envy drives people to make blatant shows of favoritism in order to wound the target of their envy.

Is envy a form of shame? Are envious people ashamed on some level when they encounter anyone who has, does, or is something they are not?

Are we N to the extent that we act out against others because we envy them in any way?

Interesting thoughts. Thank you, Sally, for giving me this to think about.

[guest here]

I don't know if feelings are the drivers.

Feelings just are.

People are drivers, their feelings don't have to rule their behavior.

Everyone feels envious at some time or another.

Is the question do Ns feel more envious a lot of the time?  probably

[Stormchild]

Yep, we all have all types of feelings all the time...

but the question is, do we act on those feelings, or keep them under control, when they're destructive?

It's one thing for me to envy X for having a one-woman show, a gallery exhibit of her photos. It's another thing for me to publish a snide, snotty review of her exhibit in my blog, or to make a point of refusing to congratulate her on her success, or to tell her that I envy her as though I were proud of my envy. See the difference?

It's what we feed that grows; that's the issue. Feeling envy isn't the problem. Indulging it is the problem.

That business of telling you you should always love everyone, never think of yourself, etc.? That's more N brainwashing. That's the codependent mantra... it's not the Golden Rule, because the part about loving yourself and being allowed to see yourself as worthwhile has been left out. On purpose.

And it's really hard to get away from this, because our society encourages it and tells us we'll be rewarded for it.

[Stormchild]

Ami, it's ok to feel weird I do it all the time believe me!

Here's a link to an interview with Daniel Goleman, whom I think walks on water . He talks about the purpose of emotions.

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19970901-000037.html

and here's another good link:

http://www.yourmarriageadvice.com/tipsandadvicearticles/emotions.html

and a spot of something from the Beeb:

http://www.open2.net/healthliving/body_mind/whyemotions.html

((((((((((Ami))))))))))

[teartracks]

Hi everyone,

Some interesting discussions going on.  Y'all are pretty awesome!

tt

[Stormchild]

You are too, tracks.

How are you feeling today? Better, I hope ((((()))))

[Bella_French]

Storm, Thanks for the great post. I agree that envy is a normal, forgivable emotion that can occur in most people from time to time.

I think it can become a painful issue for anyone who is frequently a source of envy. It leaves that blessed person feeling penalised for what they have to offer the world, causing them to feel pressure to under-perform or disguise their gifts. Its a terrribly sad situation, really.

I don't think theres much to envy about me in general, but I have felt what it is like to be the object of envy by toxic people. For such people, any sign of sentience and accomplisment can be a trigger for envy and their subsequent cruelty!.

I guess thats why people keep advising that the best way to deal with toxic people is to cut the out of your life, huh?

[Stormchild]

Welcome Bella...

You speak much truth! Sorry that you have been through that envy-driven bullying.

And yes, I think the 'no contact rule' comes from people who've been abused beyond what they are willing to tolerate, pretty much. Rather like Popeye in the old cartoons: "I've had enough, and enough is too much!"

[teartracks]

Hi Storm,

How am I feeling?  I'm out of bed and that's about it.  I ain't worth a toot!

tt

[Stormchild]

Sure you are, toots

(((((tracks)))))