Although there is certainly much to say about some of the many posts published recently, I have refrained. Quite simply, I am disgusted, completely and totally, by the behavior on this board and what it has turned into. However, I could not help but add one last post on the subject of hope because I believe the topic is so critical.
"Hope springs eternal." "I’ll never give up hope." "There’s always hope." Our society and indeed the human condition is based on these optimistic and basic principles. Indeed, without hope there would often be no reason to continue living. The suicide rate would soar. We often smugly speak about our intent to "keep on hopin’" no matter what. We brag that no matter what life throws at us, well by gosh, we’ll just keep on hoping.
What we don’t discuss are the consequences of hoping. What are the psychological effects on a person who possesses a life-long hopefulness for something that can never result in a positive outcome? How does constant disappointment, loss and discouragement affect the emotional and physical health of an individual? If you are someone who has a significant NPD in your life, you know the answers.
Hope is a good thing. It’s an essential thing. But hope can also be a damaging thing. I would argue that when you are in a relationship with an NPD, hope is a very dangerous thing. The tendency is to hang onto it for dear life, to never let it go. As long as there’s a smidgeon of hope left, there’s a chance, however slim, that we will get what we want—a healthy, loving, “normal” relationship with the NPD person who matters so much to us. But this kind of hope is damaging because both experience and science teaches us that no matter how much we hope, no matter how hard we try, narcissists simply will never, EVER, change their stripes.
Coming to terms with this reality is incredibly painful, partly because it is not human nature to give up on hope. But it is CRITICAL to give up hope in these situations. In certain life situations, hope does not and should not spring eternal. Hoping for something that can never be is harmful, painful and sad. Knowing when to hope and when to let it go is critical to our emotional health.
Because it is natural for hope to spring eternal, it is my fervent “hope” that this board will change in months to come. Perhaps at that time I will return to find out. If not, I wish you all the very best in your journey to healing and understanding. I pray that you will contribute to rather than contaminate the objective of learning about and dealing with the effects of voicelessness and NPD abuse.
