I feel dead inside-I wish I felt warm again

[Wispery]

Dear Mum, Bkkabri,

Mum: I didn't mean it to sound like I thought you were just goofing around or are doing it just to hear yourself type...its clear to me that your posts come from the heart and I was just admiring you for this. Your ability to cut right through the bs...although I appreciate your humor, I appreciate the kindness you have been offering to us posters. You are a great help, thanks for that.

Bkkabri: I am trying to send you a message that it is time you moved on, yet you seem to be stuck in this certain place of pain...sometimes we have to accept that which we cannot change. Do you acknowledge that the reactions you are having are normal, and that time heals all wounds? Sooner than you think, you will be looking back at this day and remembering how hurt you USED-TO-BE.....and you will be free, having learned valuable life lessons.

Take good care of yourself, and now I think I am starting to sound like a broken record to ya...

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

[Anonymous]

I dont know how to make anyone happy and it kills me inside because I wanted them to feel good about our relationships.

What about YOU?

[mum]

It's ok, Bri.  Talk all you want, but really (I am saying this with a grin,as in trying to get you to laugh), just cut and paste and you won't have to type again!
Seriously, it's her, it's not you.  Or it's you, it's not her.  IT DOESN'T MATTER.  Give yourself a break.  One night off from this, ok? Can't do a  night?  How about an hour?  You don't have to figure out HOW or WHY this happened for an hour.  Wouldn't that feel good?  Wouldn't that be a relief?

Ekhart Tolle asks this question about our worries/obsessions:(try it)
(apologies to Mr. Tolle for abridgement)

ask yourself: RIGHT NOW: What is my problem?
Not last week, two hours ago, one minute from now, two years from now...but RIGHT NOW?
If you are being chased by a tiger, then you may have a problem, a survival problem...in which case you will indeed make a choice (hopefully to run!)
But absent a tiger chasing you,  you still have a choice if you REALLY do have a problem NOW.

Do something about if you can.  Can't do anything until later?  Make a date to do it later.  Then stop worrying about it.  Or keep worrying about it.  Know that it is a choice.   Can't ever do anything about it?  Then stop worrying about it.  Or keep worrying about it, knowing you have made a choice.

When I was learning to not obsess about my problem (I come from the trenches, Brian) sometimes I had to do simple things like, really be in the NOW, as simply as feeling how comfortable my mattress was when I was tired. It sounds so benign and simple, and maybe pathetic, but that was one thing I could count on really feeling and appreciating.

My sister's daughter is struggling with severe substance addiction and frequent suicide attempts.  My sister and her husband do not know from one day to the next if she will live or die.
In this kind of situation, my sister has learned that she cannot think of the past, what she may or may not have done as a parent, she cannot think of the future, if her daughter will choose life or death.  She can only be here now.  Her situation and pain have forced that on her.  Even in her pain, she sees how that is a gift.

Try, Brian.  Be in the NOW.  That confusing relationship is in the past.  Other relationships, good or bad are in the future....get one with yourself, RIGHT NOW!

[mum]

Wispery:
thanks, but I really never considered that YOU thought I liked to hear myself type...it was a misrepresented response to MYSELF.  I guess it's just remnants of my not being able to take any compliments (unworthy feelings die hard!).
I used to have a knickname...it started with "NO BS ..and my name"
And that was 25 years ago.  Can you see how it would suck to have me in a staff meeting? (my poor boss).  Thanks.

[phillip]

There is a graph in the EST discipline concerning all problem-solving issues.  The range of effective decision making spans from -100 to +100.

0 represents the void.  A positive place because action always begins there.  The lowest position is called reasonableness.  Next up the list is deciding, then hoping, then helping.  All these are still considered ineffective in decision making.

Then we hit the void and move into positive digits and effectiveness.

+5 is accepting
+25 is witnessing or observing
+50 is Engaging or participating
+100 is Sourcing or creating

I have discovered that this graph will always reveal to me how effectively I am dealing with any possible issue or problem.