Baby due in a week; how to cope?

[Anonymous]

Hi Cadbury,

If I would rather he was no part of our lives he will respect that too (he says).

Be sure and show this written statement to someone.
I have no idea what the laws in UK are concerning this, but perhaps you could write back "I accept your magnanimous offer to permanently stay out of our lives"  and have it enforced as a binding contract. Maybe? Worth asking about.

Twould be nice twere that simple.

mudpup

[Cadbury]

Thank you again everyone!

Today has been difficult. I have spoken to a solicitor who has opened a file about it, so that if anything does happen I have something started. She gave me a lot of advice about the legalities. She said it will always come down to what is best for the baby. I have been keeping all his mad rambling emails and yahoo messages so I have a lot of proof. The best one is that today he has sent me a message where he actually says he is mentally unstable. This would be very helpful in a court of law I feel!

I am trying to focus on my little family. I have decided that I won't allow him to be at the birth, but  I won't tell him this. That way it happens as I want it, but I don't get bombarded with requests every day until I give birth. I will also allow him to make the first move regarding contact. I think that he may have shot himself in the foot by going on about how mentally unstable he is. He thinks that it is a good way to excuse all his behaviour, but I now have his own admission so how could I let him look after a baby?

Thank you Gardener for the link I have looked at it and it does help.
GFN - you really cheered me up, I wish someone would do that to him! Although I am beginning to realise that being ignored is hurting him more than anything.

Just remembered in one email he sent today he wrote:

I mean to say that now you don't love me anymore there is no reason for me to want you.

I am glad he feels that way, but why can't he see that this is not how normal people work? Why would you only want someone who loved you? I thought it summed up his NPD very well.

I have now had two really strong Braxton Hicks contractions which almost hurt, so here's hoping baby gets here soon!

[Serena]

I mean to say that now you don't love me anymore there is no reason for me to want you.

Cadbury

This says EVERYTHING about him..........  Never forget this sentence.  We will all be thinking of you and the impending birth of your lovely little baby.

You've done the right thing going to a solicitor and keeping evidence.

Focus on the children - it's clear you are a lovely Mum.

[Cadbury]

Thanks Serena.

I am spending today printing off emails and yahoo stuff from him. He has admitted he was wrong, that he treats his son badly and that he is mentally unstable. He obviously thinks that this is unimportant, but I think once it is all filed and dated etc he will have supervised visits only with the beautiful new baby.


P.S. I know the baby will be beautiful because it's MINE and I have the most beautiful children in the world. No, really I do!

Actually, I never understood the thinking your children were the most beautiful ever thing. I used to think that surely the mothers of odd looking children would have to know that theirs weren't the most gorgeous. Then I had children! And I discovered that all children are beautiful! And all mothers think their's are the best. I was sitting in hospital after having my first feeling so sorry for all the mothers who'd delivered "ordinary" babies. I truly thought they must all be sitting there feeling jealous of my baby! Then I spoke to some friends and apparently every mother thinks that!


I am feeling a little more upbeat today. Now I have started putting him to the back of everything and taking action, I feel like I'm getting somewhere. The strange thing is that I think I was still frightened of him enough to worry about what HE would think if he knew. It has taken talking to you all on here to realise that I don't have to think that way any more. Thank you all!

[Anonymous]

Hiya Cadbury:

Now I have started putting him to the back of everything and taking action, I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Thata girl Cadbury!!!  He's silly and stupid anyhow.

I don't have to think that way any more.

You're sooooo right too!!  You don't have to think anything.  You can think whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want, and there isn't a thing he can do about it!!

So think away!!  Imagine him stepping into a huge garbage can and the lid closing on him, locking shut, containing him forever.  Or see him rolled up in a rug, carted away by a forklift, and then stacked with hundreds of others like him/it, in the high back shelf of a factory, with a sign posted over it:  "Rejects--not for sale".

Your sweet beautiful little baby is coming soon!!   That's what matters!  That's what you can focus on.

Here's wishing you and baby a quick, safe, easy journey to eachother's arms.  I bet your other kids are excited!!  

Take care of you and baby, Cadbury, and all will be well!!

((((((((Cadbury))))))))

GFN