Hello everyone,
My time for respite has come to an end. I can't say that I'm refreshed enough for the next leg of the journey. Time will be the test of that. I would regret it deeply if I had to (for my own health) sign off and give up on my goal to see to my mom's physical and emotional needs for as long as I have the needed skills to do it. While I was away, I accepted the real possibility that I may not fulfil that goal. I guess you could say that I have recategorized it, now calling it a desire, rather than a goal.
The plan I had in mind for the time away was to meditate quietly in a tranquil environment where no one had dibs on me or my time. Tranquility and being completely in control of my time happened. The meditation didn't come so easy. Once I got there, it took me three days to transition and just get used to being 'off'. Yet, I couldn't reach a disconnect with the outside world and meet with God, the way I'd planned.
Toward the end of that week, I hiked two beautiful easy trails in virgin forests, walked on river rocks somehow managing to keep my balance, sat by a georgous waterfall, examined flora and fauna. My cup of tea! There wasn't a lot of artificial light at night, so I got to see stars that shone the way I remember them from childhood. I sat on the deck listening to the sounds of a seventies style band playing on the green. Their music echoing off the surrounding mountains. On waking, I reminded myself that it was OK to languish in bed. And I did.
My time for meditation finally came during a time when I was concurrently reading, Letters to Malcolm Chiefly on Prayer by C.S. Lewis, Life of the Beloved by Henri, J.M. Nouwen, and Care for the Soul by Thomas Moore. It was as if the profoundity of their combined wisdom was the needed conduit for me to settle down and meet with God. It sounds wierd, but I remembered reading or hearing somewhere that A. Einstein said before his death that his only unfulfilled dream was to walk on a beam of light. That became a wonderful visual for me, The visual was God at the far end of the beam of light facing me and me walking toward Him. Loved it.
I came back feeling that I needed another couple of months to refresh completely. Time will tell whether I have the juice to complete the next leg of this path. I have my limitations. Don't we all?
tt
Didn't get to visit Mrs. Sandbergs goat farm.
