My brother and just life and stuff

[Meh]

My mother keeps on sending me shit, photos of me when I was a kid with my father, repetitive updated internet invitations to my brother's memorial service. She sent an invitation to her husband's family....LOL her husband never said 3 words to my brother and her husband walked with a loaded shotgun last time I saw him...it's plenty reason for me not to go to the funeral. My mother invited her husband's son who only met my brother maybe once for 10 minutes...if at all. THAT is why I don't want to go. She is inviting her whole repertoire of her husbands family and friends....people who never even knew him and not surprisingly are declining.

[Meh]

going to sleep too late again,....I want to write but kind of having a shut-down feeling

[Hopalong]

If you want to share the date and time, Boat, I'd be glad to put it on my own
calendar. I'd close my eyes and concentrate on you and your brother at that
time, just send some extra love out to you.

I'm agnostic but there have been times when some things have happened
that tell me...that "good energy" or "deep mind" is doing good.

love
Hops

[Meh]

That is very sweet of you hops. Thanks

[Meh]

Tired, bored, lonely, tired, and a beer is all I got going on tonight.. goal is to brush my teeth in next 10 mins and sleep early. Mondays in a call center (bang head on wall here)

[Hopalong]

I hear you hear you hear you.

Deflating jobs, while lonely (much less grieving) are really hard.

Okay. So....I am working in a small way on some similar challenges.

For now, health. Like -- sleep, eat only healthy stuff, walk daily, keep that going...

Bear on, Boat...don't let it all come home with you.

Make some small joy in your home. In one room, even. On one shelf or wall.

Drained as you feel, I would stake a lot on boasting that I think I know one thing about you:
Creativity is what will give your life purpose.

You are an artist. I don't know what form. But I really believe that is true.
When that finds space in your life...damn the torpedos!

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Just tired is all.

[Meh]

Fecking hell, my father sent me an email saying he was going to be in this area for no real reason...and to contact him if I want to see him...he kind of creeps me out. Fact that I try to make it clear over and over...don't really want much to do with him...and he doesn't F-ing GET IT!!!

I'll just try to be zen about it, not all guilted out or something.

[Twoapenny]

Fecking hell, my father sent me an email saying he was going to be in this area for no real reason...and to contact him if I want to see him...he kind of creeps me out. Fact that I try to make it clear over and over...don't really want much to do with him...and he doesn't F-ing GET IT!!!

I'll just try to be zen about it, not all guilted out or something.

Green, you have nothing to be guilty about.  No-one's obliged to see anyone, about anything.  Finding your dad creepy is really unhealthy (speaking from personal experience here, although in my case it was my step dad).  It's not a sign of a good relationship.  Can you block his email or are there other things you need to be in contact about?

[Meh]

Yah he just called me and I rejected the call on my phone. Bleh...If I don't respond to his emails he still calls me, that is what bother's me...like respect my decision already!

Anywho I made some cut off shorts out of a pair of denim jeans I was going to throw away, only think is they are not very soft, they have some polyester in them. But I like the waist line, it has a high waist thick band.

Going to go to do some thrift store therapy for a couple hours. Then only adult grown up bore business I guess. 

[Hopalong]

Find anything good at the thrift store, Bean?

I gotta go, too.

xo
Hops

[Meh]

Hiya Hops. Found a lace blouse that is in a very light cream or off-white color. Almost white. It's 100% lace all over. It's made out of cotton and polyester. The pattern is like those old-fashioned table clothes, not really fine lace but a little larger lace. It has a very deep V-neck and a slight cross over. It's see-through so I can wear a light or a dark tank top underneath it. It was a large size, since I am not really a large, I am usually more Medium it is kind of a fluke that I bothered to look and found it in that section. I thought the whole day was a loss because I spent a lot of time feeling like the place had been really well picked over at that point. I think I really like it, it looks perfectly brand new and unused. It has a little bit of high waistline which isn't my favorite but oh well. And it is a little bit long. It's kind of a simple thing but I am glad I found it because it sort of looks like a wedding dress. Very feminine and summery. Since Summer is FLEETING in my area it's part of my celebration of summer.

White and solid light colors are almost extinct from my wardrobe.

I also got a jean mini skirt, it's okay. I don't love it but it's okay. Was thinking about bleaching it out.  I'm kinda of going through a denim skirt phase. I wonder if I dress appropriately for my age. Somebody where I work who is about 7-8-9 years younger than me said he thought I was his age. Oh well. When I was young I would wear clothes that were too big for me and "grown up clothes"...
also one of the few benefits where work is that I can wear jeans and jean skirts and all sorts of casual clothes.

All my jeans have flat slouchy butts, I'm going to have to do something about that.

[Meh]

The thing with my father and relatives is that I've always wanted it to improve and in the case of it not.....then it could be a chapter of my life that I can close the door on.

[Meh]

Also I got a just above the knee dark blue denim skirt that looks good with the lace blouse but my black slightly mary jane flat shoes that I wear (practical). Don't really go with it.

That is kind of me. One pair of tennis shoes. One pair of black work shoes that look fine with a mini skirt but look bad with longer denim skirt.

I'm not sure what kind of shoes should be worn with that denim skirt. Never owned high heels in my life. Need something comfy and still practical. Probably need nude flats.

[Hopalong]

I tend to like sort of ankle boot kinds of shoes, but clunkier.
With anything. Can't wear heels at all.

The lace top sounds great. Why am I not surprised you
enjoy putting together outfits? ARTISTS do that...

I dunno if your father can ever improve his vibes. I can
sympathize with your desire to close the door.

He's probably reaching out to you because he's in some
shock that he has lost his son. And you are still his child.

But if you don't think any shift will ever happen, well,
you are entitled to take care of yourself...

Hops