Power Dynamic with "mean" people

[Ales2]

Have you noticed the following power dynamic in dealing with mean people (primarily at work):

>Its not the ego that causes problems at work, its the intention. People are either kind and professional OR mean and professional. There is no use in complaining about someone mean, because no one witnesses it, others just see the work or the professionalism. Ever noticed that?

>In production, I was taught not to complain, I was taught to fix things through cooperation. But, as I found out when someone is mean, they are not likely to cooperate. They want to be controlling.

Thus, stop cooperating with them and expect them to come to you. You'd be surprised how quickly the dynamic shifts when they have to come to you because you don't come to them.

Any experience with this?

[Ales2]

Of course, there are many times when you can't stop working with them, I'm not suggesting that, but you can be scroogy with information, time and attention to them. Just get back to work, make them work a little bit for your cooperation is what I am saying.

[Hopalong]

As a professional doormat at times, I hear that.
And I think it's smart.

I think one key thing is to not engage inner malice (everyone has some) when you do this, however.
Just consider it as a practical way of managing positive or negative energy, and
in another way...of experiencing your own healthy boundaries.

That way you don't get caught up in toxic mental trap-dances with or about "mean" people.
Instead, you are just staying in touch with your own balance, serenity, purposeful action.

Hugs
Hops

[Ales2]

Great response Hops.

I actually tried to delete the post because I thought people would misunderstand what I meant. You got it - its about the boundaries and giving what is "needed" (i.e doing your job) not what is "wanted" (i.e people pleasing or giving to get) if that makes sense.

If one can read and avoid the negative energy, then work becomes much easier and in the end, more purposeful, I believe.

Thanks.

[sKePTiKal]

There might be an element of rejecting the "invitation" or "demand" to feed their inner drama too, Ales. To simply not play.

Most work can be satisfying, I find. Even the worst cleaning jobs - as long as one isn't pulled into the power dynamics and "pecking order". For some people, that "pecking order" is what gives them their sense of self-worth. And they defend their position and ambition with being "mean and professional" - because they believe it's better to be feared & obeyed than to work as a participating "team member", contributing just as much time & effort as everyone else.

Good teams are an "art", rather than science - finding personalities that motivate each other, that can solve problems together, etc. And there is always a bit of time required for a team to come together and realize they ARE a team - LOL. Science of course comes into it, as you have to understand each person pretty well and what they're capable of.