I've spent hours researching black and charcoal paints, waxes and lacquers for the kitchen cabinets, island and bar.
The intention is to mix painted cabinets in with very distressed oak (just distressing existing cabinets, adding brown and black layers of wax or glazes, then sealing each with more wax or clear coat till it appears 200 years old) and doing so that it's balanced and overtly amazing to look at and work in.
I'm very excited aout this. DD21 has seen enough photos and walked through the project enough to SEE the vision and trust it will be fantastic, though she has no emotional attachment to the project.
That means youngest dd is obligated to oppose the project, dismiss the idea of it and criticize it without doing any research or understanding it.
I'm pulling back and noticing what they're doing, how I'm responding to it and deciding what I'll do next.
Old patterns would be me bending over backwards to gain their compliance, which they seem unable to give at the same time, for whatever reason. They're not children any longer. I'm not parenting toddlers. I have choices.
I'm not focusing on that right now. Maybe never again in any case.
I'll do an amazing job on the kitchen and I really want to tackle that soon. I WILL tackle it once I finish the research, make the plan, gather the materials, hopefully create a spray booth in the garage when the weather cools down AND the girls are more squared away. Oldest DD21 has a plan to find part time employment to pay her bills WHILE researching careers and schools. She chatted happily with me about it yesterday. The entire day went like that.... really well.
Youngest is struggling at the house to find sand paper and the drummel.... she DID find the drummel, but after much trouble. I pick her up in the next couple days and head to Atlanta early September. Oldest said she'll remain at home while DD1 and I travel, which is good. I want to have some private time with DD19 to see where her head's at. I'm not sure where she is with the Eating Disorder..I know she missed an ED therapy appointment this week. I don't know how she's doing with food. Will figure that out.
In the meantime..... I'm calculating closet build outs and a barn door for the second bathroom and maybe the up Master closet. There's a lightswitch in the way, at the moment, or that would be a no brainer choice, IMO.
I'll head to the big building and see about starting a tractor and lifting out fence posts for the Phillopina, or not... bring the shop vac, with the wide mouth, to get up the centipedes up in the basement. I decided they can stay where they are till I have more to work with than a tiny mouthed wet dry vac, yup yup yup. In my own time. Not letting other people's opinions and ideas of how IT MUST be done get inside my head. If they want it done a certain way....theyr'e welcome to do it.
Everything in the kitchen is everywhere at the moment and I'm OK with it.I can see where I'm heading and there are thousands of decisions to be made about what to put back into the kitchen, for Airbnb renters, what to put in boxes for our use when we're here and what to put in boxes to take OUT of the house....... things for us and the kids to paw through and select things they remember from childhood, the Ohio farm, happy baking in the kitchen...... everyone should take something or decide they want nothing, IMO. I'll deal with the rest or send it to the cousins if they're interested.
What usually happens is my brother says he and his kids want nothing, then his dd decides she wants something and I feel vindicated in keeping everything, bc...... the kids should have what they want from the family stuff handed down to us. It happened at Christmas with my mother's clothes..... there were really great cowboy items my niece was very excited about. I loved that for her. It makes me feel warm and happy just to remember it. So..... ya. I save stuff. I need a better system and to make final decisions, this is also true, but worrying is taking up less head space for me now. I have room to DO the things I NEED to do, IME.
It's like a giant puzzle with thousands of moving pieces..... there will be places for many of the things.. We're in the middle of renovations, so it's a matter of timing. And finishing the 2 bedrooms now under construction so I can move things INTO them while finishing the hardwoods in the main rooms. I'm OK with moving things around, furniture, lighting and art...... family stuff..... until it's time to make final decisions.... I'll make decisions I can and edit as I'm able, but things will be mess for a while. That's just the way it is.
Hardwood will get refinished. Sheet rock dust will fly. The furniture I brought for family Christmas is leather covered in plastic drop clothes.... it can be wiped clean when it's time to uncover and put it in place, bc it's HERE. Now. Worrying and fretting about the big jobs isn't productive. They're counter productive. Do I believe that yet? Why YES...I think I DO! I'm talking myself into and out of habits, me'thinks. It's OK. It will be OK.
I'm a little surprised at my comfort with that amount of chaos, frankly.
My brother has zero tolerance for it and I understand where that intolerance comes from. I don't judge it. I get it.
I do, however, need to distance his discomfort in order to keep my equilibrium inside this project. I'm living it, just as I lived the Cottage renovations..... just.... deeply immersed and moving forward as I could....... trying not to allow others to slow me down or sabotage me too badly.
So...... that's the thing.. What I allow.
How do I change my old patterns? Old reactivity.
How do I limit the chaos and not INVITE it in, better still?
I'm curious how much I invite, how much I allow and how much I grudgingly put up with for the sake of peace and how I'll change those patterns going forward. And what's with putting up with chaos in order to protect and serve to the best of my abilty?
WHY is it MY job to protect and serve? ALWAYS? I'm questioning that, Hops. Questioning this renovation and why I'm jumping in, grabbing horns and wrastlin so hard with them.
And I DO believe I'm changing patterns..... even as I write this. Expanding choice.
I'm setting intention and once I've decided.... once I've found clarity...... nothing will pull me off center, at least not in that arena..... not easily, anyway.
It's all postiive and I've achieved more emotional distance just writing about it here.
I'm going to do the lean, regarding placement of the second Queen bed. NO decision is one I can manage to physically handle on my own, btw. I have to ask for help to move one or the other Q bedframe OR King mattress set up or downstairs. Moving the King bedset UPSTAIRS had it jammed in the stairwell during a snowstorm we were trying to outrun.
I should have done the lean sooner, yup yup yup.
Lighter
