2021 Farm Log

[Twoapenny]

Do you feel like you are with Buck even though he's not there, Skep?  I only wondered as I was reading your posts because I know how close I feel to you guys on here, even though I've never met any of you, and I've not seen my best real life friends for nearly two years now - but I feel close to them and feel like they're part of my life all the time.  I just wondered if you felt that with Buck as well (although I can understand it would be nicer to actually have him there in the flesh).  I guess Covid has probably slowed some things down a bit as well.  I felt a pang when you mentioned a 4000 page medical history, dear Lord, I understand that!  Much of it probably unnecessary as well, given the amount of faffing about they've done.  I hope your arm feels better soon.  It's weird how smaller movements can cause more problems.  I did something hideous to my thumb once; had never had any idea how many times a day I used my thumb until I stopped trying to use it   So I hope your arm is doing better now xx

[sKePTiKal]

Some days yes, I feel almost as close to him, as if he were here. And since I can talk to him about anything & everything that helps too. Those are usually good days; he can go on & on about something I'm not overly interested in sometimes - most guys do - but that's OK.

And some days, it's exactly that that shines a bright light on how he's not here. He can't see me roll my eyes over the phone.

I'm still having wild dreams, so I know I'm still processing; releasing something deep. So it's not like I'm just twiddling my thumbs trying to fill time - ALL the time - .

[Twoapenny]

Lol, I don't like doing Zoom or Facetime because I have to remember not to pull faces at the things people say I do hope he's able to get things sorted at his end sooner rather than later xx

[lighter]

Zoom.  Yes. 

YesterdayDD18 and I were sitting in on Zoom nutrition coaching session I found particularly overwhelming (water and fats.)  I'd apparently given up caring what my face was doing, bc NRP stopped the session and asked if I was OK. 

I wasn't.

I'd prefer sessions w/o Zoom.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

I used to use online face to face vid a decade ago; won't go anywhere near it now and poor B isn't all that technically apt - even though a lot of his med "appts" have been virtual this past year.

Tupp, when you're processing some deep old pain do you also have physical manifestations of that pain? Given the vividness of my dreams lately - past couple weeks - and my wrist, I was wondering just how weird I am. LOL. Left wrist and sposedly the right side of the brain controls left side of body, IIRC - and tends to be more centered on emotions than the left brain. But that's old theory so I don't know if there's evidence that's negated that or not.

Anyway, because immobilizing that wrist ALSO is painful... I tend to try to move my hand gently to keep circulation moving and loosen any tightness without pushing it to the pain movements - which honestly are unexpected for me. And my brain connected with a tai chi move called cloud hands - arms & wrists alternate circles, while taking side steps... and the wrists rotate independently (but in sync) with arms. I know that sounds complicated and it was to learn too! But there is a free-flowing chi circulation that's stimulated in that move - IF - one can manage to eliminate tension in the process and achieve the body's softness which allows the energy to move. Tension - whether emotional, mental or physical, as in putting forth strength CAN block chi circulation.

But since the dreams started about the time I realized I hurt it again... my brain kinda obsesses on 'solving the problem' by starting to look for a connection. Maybe it's as simple as my subconscious trying to get my attention to amp up self-care for a bit?

 

[lighter]

The Egoscue clinic has a book out Pain Free....they also have info on the internet, some specific to wrist pain.

[Twoapenny]

Lighter I am laughing at your face telling the nutritionist what you thought   And I will look up that Pain book, thank you.

Skep, yes, I feel like I've been run over!  There is literally not a part of my body that doesn't hurt, head to toe, everything is painful and difficult to do, zero energy, even thinking feels like too much effort.  Terrible headache, I feel terribly sick and I find it almost impossible to do anything to get myself out of it again.  It does start to wear off after a few days but I feel like a 90 year old woman.  I felt better this morning after doing Qi Gong last night but as the day went on I could feel my neck, shoulders and jaw seizing up again so I will do more tonight before I go to bed.  So yes, I definitely think emotional stuff can cause physical problems.  We are equally weird lol x

[Twoapenny]

Tupp, what you are describing sounds a whole lot like fibromyalgia--including brain fog. Have you ever had anyone tell you that you might have that? There's not a lot that can be done for it, but knowing that's what it is can sure make you feel less like a failure. It's a physical thing.

I have had it for a long time. It is worse some days than others.

CB

Sorry you have that, CB, my sister has it and it's a nightmare to deal with.  It has crossed my mind before before but healthcare here is so bad that I think the stress of getting a diagnosis would finish me off   It only happens when there's an emotional upset of some kind.  If I can avoid emotion I'm fine!  Lol x

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah, psychosomatic reactions are a real thing; not just "all in your head". I sure don't understand how it all works, but I agree with Tupp, that if there's some serious emotional thing I'm going through... if I don't address it, it will come out as pain or feeling ill.

You can't run; you can't hide.

[sKePTiKal]

Buck just got hearing aids today. He said he forgot that a pen on paper makes a noise. LOLOL. He's had a lot of damage from diving and his work, so there are still dead areas in the range he can hear - but this should help when we're talking. I've had to turn toward him so he can read my lips coz I don't normally speak loudly unless I'm excited about something - I can be very loud, when needed.

He had to hold the phone away from his ear so he wasn't getting yelled at...   His whole world just got a lot bigger.

Deb will be here about lunch time for a few days, finally.

[Twoapenny]

Oh that's amazing Skep!  It's funny how people can cope with things not working the way they used to (including ears!).  It's an adjustment either way (good one, though).  I'm glad Deb can get over for lunch, I hope she's doing alright.

[lighter]

Yup.  Mind body connection is a thing, for sure.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Amber,
I can feel your suspension, your patience, your frank acknowledgement that you have a limit but are not there now. So glad B is making headway in many ways.

And super glad friend Deb is coming to visit you. Can't imagine how sustaining that might be.

Reading daily and rooting for you -- bum shoulder sends regards to your bum wrist.

Thanks for telling me to get out there in the spring. I have, more than usual. No big details now but will try a short update.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

We had a silly girls night in the studio. Hol played DJ, pulling up loads & loads of 80s music. And we sang along, danced & talked about really normal stuff. Early night; Deb slept long and has been napping off & on in front of tv today. Watching restoration home, & other travel kind of shows on the tube.

Buck may have appts with local doctors set next week, so I'll have an idea when he's going to be here next.

Deb is fine; adjusting. But this is really the first chance she's had to get away and not fret about someone needing her. She turned her phone off. 

It's very quiet here - so people do tend to sleep well here.

Today the wrist is a lot better; stopped being painful on the inner bone knob.

CB, the garden will produce (I hope) enough to can - I want to teach Hol the basics. Pressure canners aren't going to be available until Sept/Oct - but I have a smaller one and a good sized water bath canner for tomatoes. I'll freeze other stuff. Once I clean out freezers. Thinking about investing in a freeze-dryer, but that's a conversation I've had with myself for 3 years. Using grow lights for the first time - and they're a miracle! Even getting some rare-er medicinal herbs to germinate and grow well. Horehound, valerian, pleurisy root, Siberian skullcap.

Buck is making cuttings of his great-grandma's roses and some other things, so I'll finally have flowers here. He's bringing me flowers.      I love that he like pretty things. I haven't had time, because I've been focusing on infrastructure. Looks like Hol's garage will be finished this month. Which means - shortly, she'll be completely moved out of my spaces.

I *think* that whatever processing I was doing - has completed. It feels like it's lifted. Dreams have shifted from the past to present. It's very nice to have adult conversation with Buck & Deb. I love Hol dearly - but we are so tired of each other!!  And I just don't want to deal with what she's going through in such agonizing detail. Last night was total fun, though. She made an effort for Deb. They're closer in age, than Deb & I are, by a couple years.

Hops, so glad you've been able to get outside. Honestly, it's the best medicine for mental, spiritual & physical health. You sound well.

[lighter]

So glad you had happy dancy 80s girl's night, Amber!  How nice!

I hope B can turn his new hearing aids down to a comfortable level.  It can't be easy hearing everything when he's used to not hearing it. 

Yay to new local doctor team.  I hope they have their stuff together. 

Lighter