Oh, Phyll, I'm really glad you liked those meditations! It does feel like a little escape when you find something that can just take you somewhere else, even if it's just for five minutes. It always makes me feel that there's a door somewhere.
It's interesting what you wrote about the mandalas and working out your balance and what you want to do with your own life (instead of doing what you must/what keeps the wolf from the door/what keeps everyone else happy etc). I keep thinking a lot about what I want out of my life. I've been very focused on my son for a long time, and before that was very focused on my mother (!). Not through choice, I think she liked it that way. I keep thinking about how many bad things happen to us that are really not our fault - a bit like you with your neighbour - you just happened to be living where you are and for some reason you became part of his crazy narrative. Why? That always bothers me and I don't know that it's an answer that is possible to find. I guess if someone else had bought your house he'd have harassed them - location, rather than you or your partner, in the same way that my neighbour has already driven previous tenants away. It's not them personally he's harassing - he's just a clusterf**k and anyone in his path is affected by it. Some people in his life chose that - girlfriend, friends, I guess even the landlord? Others are like us, and just unlucky enough to be nearby when he goes off. I keep feeling like somewhere along the way, my soul got lost. I think it went when I was little, just kind of packed a bag and said "I'll be back once this stuff is over". And it just never came back. Maybe that's where the balance comes into it? We all have to make a living, do our day to day stuff, I think we all get caught in needing to achieve things? It's how we got on in life, isn't it? But maybe all the time we don't nourish our souls (or spirit or essence or inner child or whatever it might be), maybe we don't get happy? It will be interesting to see what your mandalas bring up for you now and whether it's very different to the ones you did in the past? I hope it brings up some interesting stuff, or some fun stuff, at least
xx
