The Third Step
The First Step for my wife and I was about six months ago. While listening to the news, I heard Mark Hacking described as a narcissist. As the story unfolded, we became appalled as we realized that we have been the target of the same disorder for over 30 years. During that time, we almost lost our minds because of the manipulation and targeting that we have received by our N’s. The horrors and belittling is just unbelievable. From this comes the voicelessness that follows, as your whole family is turned against you by the narcissist. Three times I have seen in the faces of three different N’ s, the pleasure that comes across their faces as they have what they think is you squirming under their thumb. They did not even see that what we were giving them was grace, or a chance to turn around before it was too late to mend the relationship. N s are almost all the same, just different faces. As we listened to the reports of the lack of empathy that Mark Hacking and Scott Peterson had for their own wives, we saw for the first time in over 30 years that there was a reason for these unending attacks and belittling toward us by our N s. We took our first step, narcissistic NPD behavior was uncovered, we were not nuts.
The Second Step Armed with the knowledge of discovery of N’s, which is the first step, my wife and I went to the net to find information on what a narcissist was, how they think, what makes them tick, and how they operate. We had questions, were those who had targeted us for so many years really narcissistic? Were we narcissistic? We found books, articles, and web pages of information. We ordered books, read articles, searched and armed ourselves with knowledge. We also changed our clothes. We stepped out of the garments that had been placed upon us by our N’ s. We embraced empathy and thanked God that we could feel emotion. We celebrated the simple fact that we knew that we had faults. To be able to change your course, to be able to say that you are sorry and mean it, to be able to cry in gratitude over the goodness in another person are not signs of illness or that you are mentally unstable, but they are signs that you have one of God’s greatest gifts. You are human, you are well, you can love and feel other’s pain. You are whole, you are normal. What had been a great confusion now became understandable and even predictable. Once you identify the problem, which is the first step, take the second step and arm yourself with knowledge as we are doing. Over the years we have tried to deal with our N’s in different ways. We have tried to love them out of it. We have gone toe to toe with them and had to back off. If you go toe to toe with a N they will never back down, they will go at it with you until one of you is dead. They have no empathy. They will do anything to protect their beloved image of themselves that they have produced,so people will give them their much needed supply.
The Third Step Armed with the first step of discovery and the second step of knowledge, you then press forward for the third step. Are there others out there who are going through the same things that we are going through?
We searched and we found you. We found you and we have cried with you, we have laughed with you, we have hurt with you. We are the veterans of the war that N’ s have waged against us. We are not perfect. We don’t always write with wisdom. As we gain knowledge and look back, there are some things we wish we had said differently. But finally, for once in our lives, we can speak and be heard. This may be the only place we may ever have that privilege.
Right here, my N’ s would say I am too emotional, but I would have to tell you that we love you and would wrap our arms around you and hold you and tell you that you are not crazy. I can not tell you how much each and everyone of your posts have meant to me and my wife. We are printing them out and making a book of them. We will never see your faces, but you will forever be cherished in our hearts because you have dared to open up and share your hurts and stories with us. As you are healing and trying to come to grips with the fact that your whole life has been messed up by N’s, you sometimes revert to trying to fix the problem because the nightmare is sometimes too great to bare. When we do that, please just love us. It hurts so bad, just hold us. If you are having a hard time dealing with your N know that you are not alone.
This web site is not a clique as we have been accused of being. It is a meeting place of imperfect, hurting people who are hurting and healing and who desperately need each other. I hope we can put this accusation behind us and get on with our mission. Our mission is to help each other to heal from the targeting of N’s and to regain our dignity and voice. All that I can say to each and everyone of you is, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You are beautiful, You can cry, you can love, you can feel, you can change, you are made in the image of the one who is above all, through all, and in you all. Hugs to you, be healed. Now we must go on to the forth step, and that is to make a new life that is not controlled by N’s.
With Love MywifeandI
