feels important, little P

[Portia]

I think little P made an appearance last night in a dream. Well I’m pretty sure she did. I wasn’t sure of what she wanted though. Maybe a hug? Maybe I was scared of her. Maybe I don’t completely buy into the idea of an inner child or children (for myself). Maybe I’m scared of her.

So I wrote the dream. And a secondary question, I wonder why someone who is dead keeps coming back to life in my dreams? He’s not particularly scary in my dreams when it turns out he’s still alive. What bugs me is that she has kept it – his not being dead - secret from me. Secrets drive me potty. There were secrets littering my childhood. Maybe that’s behind the screwy pattern-recognition, the conspiracy theorising (whether for bad or good intentions)? Here’s the dream, (reality in brackets).

I have the keys to my parents’ houses. (In reality I do have this bunch of keys: an old key to my father’s house which is now useless – he changed the locks years ago, and is now selling the house: and a key to my mother’s house which she gave me some years ago, before my step-father died. I don’t know if she has changed the locks since she gave me that key and I have never used the key.)

I’m in a car, alone. I look at the keys and decide to drive to her house. I think she’s not at home. I have a feeling I’m going there to look for things, solve something. As I drive on a country road, a woman in an oncoming car overtakes the car in front of her, forcing me to brake and swerve out of her way. As she passes I see she is laughing, not afraid. This annoys me. I don’t know this woman and she seems a bit barmy.

The house I’m going to is the house where I lived and which they sold soon after I left. (This is not the house I really have the key to. I never had a key to the old house. When I asked for one, he said “what do you need a key for? We’re always here.”)

I’m in the old house. It’s evening. I’m in their bedroom. I hear a car arrive outside. It must be them, this is a remote place. I think “they’ll see my car outside, they’ll know I’m here, where did I put the car?” but then I decide they won’t see it for some reason, what reason I don’t know, but I get the feeling it doesn’t matter. (They don’t see me or anything to do with me?)

I hear the door opening. I decide to hide by getting into their bed, getting into my mother’s side. She comes into the room, putting things down, normal. She doesn’t see me. Then he appears around the door, talking to her as she does things. I get out of bed quickly and stand.

He’s supposed to be dead! She’s shocked to see me. I start getting angry. I ask what’s going on, he’s alive, look, you can’t hide this now, he’s supposed to dead, what happened and why? And why don’t I know? She doesn’t speak, looks shameful, looks down at the floor. I go over to him, he looks sort of embarrassed, I poke his woollen jumper hard on his arm, prod him a few times, feeling the jumper, feeling the arm beneath, it’s real alright. Look I say to her, he’s alive, what’s this all about?

He turns his head, he won’t answer. I turn to her fully and start to fire questions. She’s backing up against the wall, although I don’t touch her. I won’t hurt her. She won’t ever meet my eye. Who knows about this, I want to know. She says that X knows, X saw him when they left hospital and then helped them by giving them a lift home. (X is a possible borderline who used to work for me, nothing to do with my parents.) I’m betrayed and angry and shocked by this. I’m always the last to know?

What else don’t I know, I ask. What other secrets are there? You better tell me now! They don’t speak, but it’s lighter now, light coming through the window. I turn from them towards the window and the door of their wardrobe opens. A small, maybe five years old, girl child steps out onto the carpet and looks at me. Her eyes beam into me. Dark eyes, unhappy eyes. I feel slightly frightened by this little girl’s eyes, which are clouded, watery, indistinct; but I feel very sad for her too. I wake up.

(What time is it? Reality, it’s 3am. I lie awake thinking about the dream. Yet another dream where he’s supposed to dead but he’s alive and I’ve been duped. Why do I keep dreaming he’s alive? Do I think he’s alive in her? Do I really think it was her behind it all and he was her puppet? That’s what my unconscious thinks maybe. I imagine I got in her side of the bed because she would have switched sides. She’d be sleeping on his side now. Like her wearing his ring, as she does. Then the blackbird starts to sing outside, oh no, not the dawn, this will keep me awake. What time is it? 4.10 am. I go to sleep.)

[mum]

Hey, Portia.  Wow, what a dream.  Who is the "he" who is now alive in your dream? Is that your step father? I must have missed that.

Fascinating, this little girl, though.

This dream is full of symbols, I would think, and I would definately discuss one like that with my therapist...or a friend. (oh, that's what you are doing!!! )

Who is it, October, maybe, who is so good at interpreting dreams? Maybe seh could have a go at it.

When my (deceased) father appears  in my dreams and I speak to him,  he acknowledges (or it's understood between us) that he is really a spirit and actually still dead and just appearing in live form.  Right after his death, however, when I saw him, but didn't speak directly to him, others would tell me he bounced back, yet again, from the cancer and survived. He never told me that directly, though. All my dealings with him we both aknowledge his death.

[question]

did umean to post this as a new topic
where if it was in a thread
..
this little p
might be more clear?

[Portia]

Thanks for your reply Mum, it feels bit heavy, this dream. I do dream vividly but the little girl, wow, I've not seen her before. It's a bit   blimey these psychological ideas just might have some bearing on what really happens! I get the feeling the little girl holds too much.

Yep it's my step-father and it seems he's either come back to life, or he was never dead in the first place. He died in early 2000. It's partly about keeping secrets I feel. I've had several dreams where he does this and it feels I'm in the wrong for finding out, or for questioning the fact that he's still alive? Gosh it makes me annoyed. I mean how sick a secret is that? Hey it was just a dream! sorry...

Any interpretations, insights, similar dreams welcome.

Edit in:

did umean to post this as a new topic

I did, it's the first time I've seen little P so....Little P is little portia, or little me I guess, since my name isn't really portia   and I felt she doesn't fit with the parental stuff, the sexual stuff, the anger stuff or any of the other posts. Things change. Hope that makes sense?

[mum]

Why, "sorry" Portia?  I found your dream and your insights about it fascinating.  It sure does seem related to the "secrets" from childhood.  How awful, feeling like people were not being straight with you. What a hard way to learn intimacy!!  Hit or miss?   Wow, I think that would be rough.

My dream of my dad the other night was so cool.. I was in the town I wish to move to, driving around with my son finding cool driveways to pull "donuts" in (with the car....if you knew me and how driving tricks scare me, you'd laugh). Anyway, my brother who does live in that town told my son where to look for them and it involved driving over people's lawns, etc.  Strange.  

Then we walked into a house where the older couple who owned it were not home, but expected back soon.  My father was there with a few of his friends, older gentlemen that I didn't recognize, and they were fixing things...the boiler, furniture, etc.
I told him he would freak out the people and should put things back, but he said he would put them back better than they were, and the people would be thankful for it.  I still thought it would freak them out.

He said he was also getting the house ready for me to move to that town.
My son then showed me a very creative "invitation" collage he had made, and with panic in his voice, said it was because we had to move and he would have no friends here, so he and his sister needed to make some, and quick....somehow this invitation was suppose to help.

I reassured him and told my dad, NO, we are not moving until my son is out of high school... I wanted to make that clear. My son relaxed and my dad said he was still going to continue to ready things.  My son and I left the house with my dad and friends still working....it got a little fuzzy after that....and I woke up.

But I wonder, do spirits visit us in that way? Is my father making things happen for me from the other side?

I say> we will never know.

[longtire]

Portia, I get the sense that this dream shows the work you have done to recognize the truth and oversome the lies and secrets of your family.  To the point where your inner child trusts you enough to step out of the dark and into the light to be seen.  Despite the fact that you parents didn't and can't speak the truth or reality.  You have found it anyway.  Good for you!

[1ST INSTALLMENT]

I'm in a car, alone. CAR I FIND IS OFTEN THE PRACTICAL CONCRETE MIND FUNCTION I look at the keys and decide to drive to her house. LOOKING AT THE KEYS COULD BE CONSIDERING WHAT MIGHT WORK TO BRING MORE INSIGHT  I think she's not at home.
THAT YOUR MOM IS NOT AT HOME COULD BE THAT SHE IS NOT AT HOME IN TERMS OF HOW SHE COULD HAVE BEST NURTURED I have a feeling I'm going there to look for things, solve something. As I drive on a country road, a woman in an oncoming car overtakes the car in front of her, forcing me to brake and swerve out of her way. As she passes I see she is laughing, not afraid. This annoys me. I don't know this woman and she seems a bit barmy. WOMAN SOMETIMES REPRESENT THE SUBCONSCIOIUS RECEPTIVE MIND FUNCTIONS….HERE PERHAPS THE WAY THE SUBCONSCIOUS PROGRAMING RUNS IN EITHER YOURSELF BUT MAYBE MORE LIKELY IN SOME OF THOSE YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH OR BOTH

The house I'm going to is the house where I lived and which they sold soon after I left. (This is not the house I really have the key to. I never had a key to the old house. When I asked for one, he said “what do you need a key for? We're always here.”) ABOVE THAT IT WAS SOLD COULD BE THAT THEY PROFITED SOME WAY BUT THAT IN  MAKING A PROFIT OF A PROBABLY QUESTIONABLE NATURE, YOU WERE SOLD SHORT

[2ND INSTALLMENT]

I'm in the old house. It's evening. I'm in their bedroom. I hear a car arrive outside. It must be them, this is a remote place. I think “they'll see my car outside, they'll know I'm here, where did I put the car?” but then I decide they won't see it for some reason, what reason I don't know, but I get the feeling it doesn't matter. (They don't see me or anything to do with me?)  ON THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH…THEIR BEDROOM COULD BE ACCESS TO THEIR SUBCONSCIOUS ….THE CAR ARRIVING COULD BE ONCE AGAIN
THE PRACTICAL CONSCIOUS MIND IN THIS CASE OF YOUR PARENTS… THAT REVISITS
THE SUBCONSCIOUS ASPECTS OF THAT PAST …  THAT U FEEL THAT THEY WONT SEE YOUR CAR IS THAT THEY ARE NOT AWARE OR CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT YOUR PRACTICAL MIND MIGHT SHED LIGHT UPON…

I hear the door opening. I decide to hide by getting into their bed, getting into my mother's side. She comes into the room, putting things down, normal. She doesn't see me. Then he appears around the door, talking to her as she does things. I get out of bed quickly and stand. HMMM UHOH A CURVE BALL…LET ME SEE…. HIDE UNDER THEIR BED…USING THEIR SUBCONCIOUS UNAWARENESS TO HIDE OR PROTECT YOURSELF WITH..WHERE YOUR MOM'S SUBCONSCIOUS IS MORE PROTECTIVE?   NOW HMMM
HE APPEARS ..THAT WHAT HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR ON A MORE CONSCIOUS LEVEL IS STILL ACTIVE AND ALIVE …SO YOU WANT TO CONFRONT THAT ASPECT AND GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED…

[SKIMMER CAUGHT]

NAMELY THESE THOUGHT AT END OF FIRST POST

(What time is it? Reality, it's 3am. I lie awake thinking about the dream. Yet another dream where he's supposed to dead but he's alive and I've been duped. Why do I keep dreaming he's alive? Do I think he's alive in her? Do I really think it was her behind it all and he was her puppet? That's what my unconscious thinks maybe. I imagine I got in her side of the bed because she would have switched sides. She'd be sleeping on his side now. Like her wearing his ring, as she does. Then the blackbird starts to sing outside, oh no, not the dawn, this will keep me awake. What time is it? 4.10 am. I go to sleep.)
SEEMS LIKE U B ON THE RIGHT TRACK
PERHAPS IN THIS REGARD MORE THO
IS THAT YOUR MOM DOES NOT TRY TO FACE THE DEEPER ISSUES
WHEN SHE COULD IF SHE WANTED TO
WHERE SHE MIGHT NOT BE AS GUILTY AS YOU THINK
BUT ACCRUES MORE GUILT
THE LONG SHE CONTINUES NOT TO BE CONCERNED
OR PERHAPS IT IS MORE THAT YOU FEEL SHE ISNT
CONCERNED THE WAY YOU THINK SHE SHOULD BE...

OR

OR  

 OR

[Anonymous]

I’m in a car, alone. I look at the keys and decide to drive to her house. I think she’s not at home. I have a feeling I’m going there to look for things, solve something.

Some part of you is taking control of your life (driving the car) and wants to scan through your unconscious when your harsh internal mother is suppressed by sleep.


As I drive on a country road, a woman in an oncoming car overtakes the car in front of her, forcing me to brake and swerve out of her way. As she passes I see she is laughing, not afraid. This annoys me. I don’t know this woman and she seems a bit barmy.

Another part of you tries to cut off your investigation into areas of the unconscious. The driver thinks this part is crazy and keeps going.


I’m in the old house. It’s evening. I’m in their bedroom.

This is oedipal stuff.

I hear a car arrive outside. It must be them, this is a remote place. I think “they’ll see my car outside, they’ll know I’m here, where did I put the car?” but then I decide they won’t see it for some reason, what reason I don’t know, but I get the feeling it doesn’t matter. (They don’t see me or anything to do with me?)

There are two drivers/cars here. Maybe there is a conflict within you about who's in charge.


I hear the door opening. I decide to hide by getting into their bed, getting into my mother’s side. She comes into the room, putting things down, normal. She doesn’t see me. Then he appears around the door, talking to her as she does things. I get out of bed quickly and stand.

More oedipal stuff. (perfectly normal btw)


He’s supposed to be dead! She’s shocked to see me. I start getting angry. I ask what’s going on, he’s alive, look, you can’t hide this now, he’s supposed to dead, what happened and why? And why don’t I know? She doesn’t speak, looks shameful, looks down at the floor. I go over to him, he looks sort of embarrassed, I poke his woollen jumper hard on his arm, prod him a few times, feeling the jumper, feeling the arm beneath, it’s real alright. Look I say to her, he’s alive, what’s this all about?

You have searched in your unconscious and some internal father stuff came up. In your unconscious, there is no real time and anyone can be dead or alive at any time. Father may be a part of you that has been suppressed (dead) and would like to come back to life.


bunny

[Anonymous]

I have the keys to my parents’ houses.
I’m in a car, alone. I look at the keys and decide to drive to her house. I think she’s not at home. I have a feeling I’m going there to look for things, solve something. As I drive on a country road, a woman in an oncoming car overtakes the car in front of her, forcing me to brake and swerve out of her way. As she passes I see she is laughing, not afraid. This annoys me. I don’t know this woman and she seems a bit barmy.
The house I’m going to is the house where I lived and which they sold soon after I left. I’m in the old house. It’s evening. I’m in their bedroom. I hear a car arrive outside. It must be them, this is a remote place. I think “they’ll see my car outside, they’ll know I’m here, where did I put the car?” but then I decide they won’t see it for some reason, what reason I don’t know, but I get the feeling it doesn’t matter.
I hear the door opening. I decide to hide by getting into their bed, getting into my mother’s side. She comes into the room, putting things down, normal. She doesn’t see me. Then he appears around the door, talking to her as she does things. I get out of bed quickly and stand.

He’s supposed to be dead! She’s shocked to see me. I start getting angry. I ask what’s going on, he’s alive, look, you can’t hide this now, he’s supposed to dead, what happened and why? And why don’t I know? She doesn’t speak, looks shameful, looks down at the floor. I go over to him, he looks sort of embarrassed, I poke his woollen jumper hard on his arm, prod him a few times, feeling the jumper, feeling the arm beneath, it’s real alright. Look I say to her, he’s alive, what’s this all about?

He turns his head, he won’t answer. I turn to her fully and start to fire questions. She’s backing up against the wall, although I don’t touch her. I won’t hurt her. She won’t ever meet my eye. Who knows about this, I want to know. She says that X knows, X saw him when they left hospital and then helped them by giving them a lift home. I’m betrayed and angry and shocked by this. I’m always the last to know? What else don’t I know, I ask. What other secrets are there? You better tell me now! They don’t speak, but it’s lighter now, light coming through the window. I turn from them towards the window and the door of their wardrobe opens. A small, maybe five years old, girl child steps out onto the carpet and looks at me. Her eyes beam into me. Dark eyes, unhappy eyes. I feel slightly frightened by this little girl’s eyes, which are clouded, watery, indistinct; but I feel very sad for her too. I wake up.

Hi P,

I've reduced it just to your dream and find this is very interesting stuff. I've also highlighted some things I found immensely interesting in the first cut, to discuss, and of course only if you want to. Also, do you have other similar dreams you can post? Because if you do, it helps us all to get a very clear interpretation and understanding of the meanings.

Life dreams often follow a certain similar pattern and message. The best dream analysis comes from tracking dreams with recurring themes over say a 6 month period, for accurate analysis.    Or so they say.
Do you have any other similar types you can remember to add to the casserole for more flavor for us?

Often the give-away in dreams is what is missing. Like, for example, where is your dad?

Route66.

Guest also