I am not certain that I am in the right place to get some information,but here goes.
I have been seeing a lady for six months who is of a similar age to me. We have both been married and divorced for some years. We got along quite well and even though there were a few things that bothered me we seemed to be *connected*. She came from a military background and married a police officer and had two children who are now in their twenties. She is independent and knows what she wants and goes after it.
She has said many times that she is attracted to the "strong confident type."
One day we were discussing our previous partners and she told me a few details of two previous relationships with her boyfriends after her marriage broke up.
Her first boyfriend's name was BJ and she made it clear to me that they had an intense sexual relationship until one day when she arrived at his house and he was just sitting on the sofa. She asked what was wrong and he said the he was really depressed.
She then said to me, "Well, I said to him, that he needed to snap out of it and I left the relationship because a depressed man is no good to me." She never saw him after that.
She said this as if leaving like that was a common and natural consequence of encountering a depressed partner.
When she told me this story I recall feeling strongly disturbed by the apparent harshness of her reaction .
Her next boyfriend was George who stayed with her for eight years .She told me that George was selfish and vain and always had to "be in the right." She described her contribution as compliant and accomodating. She then said that when she was fitted with orthodontist braces, he dumped her because he did not want to be seen at his birthday party with a woman with braces on her teeth. This story sounded implausible because it seemed impossible for her to spend eight years with one person before discovering that he was so shallow. She also mentioned that it took her ,"Five years before I fell in love with George." She said that if I ever asked George his take on the breakup he would say that ,"she wanted it all her own way."( I do know George casually)
About three weeks ago, my car broke down. The repair wiil run to about $1000- and this means that she would need to come pick me up rather that I drive to her house (We spend tuesday nights and saturday night together)
When I spoke to her just after my car stopped, I said that the situation made me feel,"Depressed and it had triggered a migraine".
I also knew that saying this may be a risk because of what happened with BJ, but I said it anyways.
Her attitude toward me changed soon after,She became cold and snappy and brittle and two weeks later called me to tell me that she had found someone else and we were done.
I am in shock. What is going on here.
I had a call yesterday from a mutual friend who said that she(my girlfriend) told him a few days ago,"I had no idea that he(me) got so depressed - that is no good to me!" My friend commented that she said this as if everyone else felt that same way about depressed people..
Should I try to go see her and unravel it or talk it out or is there some personality issue in her that is so judgemental and twisted that it makes reconciliation impossible?
Thanks for reading this ,
Bewildered.
