Stormchild,
I am not sure why people would want to go back and read anything, when the issue at hand is here on this thread. What are you trying to prove? Whose feelings are you protecting yours and others, or only yours? Personally, my motive is to protect everyone's feelings, not just my own. I have a hard time understanding your motives since you rarely apologize, and seem to want to prove something. Criticizing is not what my friends typically do to me, either, so not sure why this is considering gentle or loving? If there's a need to criticize, OK, but at this point in my journey, I believe I'm doing just fine, thank you very much.
I would like to modify my original request to you. If I address you directly, I think its only fair that you should get the opportunity to respond.
What I hate (I admit it, I hate this behavior, but not you) is when I post a very sensitive, very thought provoking and personal post about something painful that is happening with me, either at home or work, and it seems you minimize the pain by announcing to others (not me, but others) that I need to do something.
You criticize and use me as an example, it seems, and I find this dehumanizing. That is the behavior that needs to stop as I feel harrassed by it.
This dialogue is the exception to the "do not respond to me or talk about me" - what I meant by that is please do not refer to me in an oblique manner, or use me as an example. This feels like a personal attack when you do this. can you understand? do you understand?
bean
Bean, get over yourself. I've been working on this post for the last hour. Sit on it and rotate, I'm not here to meet the schedule demands of abusive twerps.
Now. IF you went back and read those threads, you would see that I do indeed apologize. There on those threads I apologized to both Sela and Hops, in great sincerity, for things that definitely merited an apology on my part.
They then acted in breathtakingly bad faith towards me, in a matter of minutes, and they have done so, where I am concerned, ever since.
It is they, at this point, who are long, long overdue to apologize to me.
But we're not really interested in facts here, are we? We're merely interested in indulging our personal dislikes. Facts might interfere with that. Facts might get in the way.
Now: let's get down to it, shall we.
Here's the problem in a nutshell.
Sela and Hops, and CB as well, all have at least one alienated child.
I, by contrast, AM an alienated child of an abusive mother.
Well... right there, you have the potential for a nice combustible mixture, not to mention a good old fashioned middle school level three-against-one girl gang.
Hops has made much loud lamentation about her lost chick. Much garnering of sympathy, much clucking and fussing. Much theatrical tearing of hair and rending of garments and wondering where it all went so wrong...
Sela has also put in a great deal of time and effort detailing how cruelly she's been treated in the past...
But ah, you'd better not respond by asking, no matter how gently, if there might be anything Hops or Sela did that was dysfunctional, counterproductive, or harmful in their situations. You'd better not respond by wondering if perhaps the child had reason, or thinks they did, to be alienated in whatever way they have been. In Sela's case, you'd better not even speak critically of phoniness, or condescension, or anything else that reveals your ability to recognize abusers in disguise.
God, no. It's all, always, other people's fault. Hops and Sela are wronged innocents unjustly suffering, who never had an unkind thought or did an unkind thing to anyone in all their exalted, saintly life.
What is wrong with this picture?
Look at the viciousness here, and their EXULTATION in it. Look at the orgy of meanness that has been indulged in, here, over the past 24 hours.
This is not the behavior of wronged innocents.
It is the behavior of stone solid 24 carat 99.99% isotope enriched
abusers.I can't come out and say that, though. There's a taboo on that much directness here [unless, of course, it's aimed at the reigning bullies' current preferred target].
Well, the hell with the taboo. I'm going to say it, right here, in front of God and everybody.
My experience of Sela and Hops is that they have both been as dishonest and abusive in their dealings with me, as mean and as vicious to me, as they are capable of being.
My experience.
Starting with those threads that you are too good to read because they're irrelevant. Sure they are, kid. Sure they are. And the check's in the mail, and he'll respect you in the morning. Yep. Sure.
And they cover it up with a phony veneer of gushing goodwill, which fools most of the people most of the time, because most of us still haven't learned that this kind of behavior - this gushing, gooey, phony sweetness - is the bait that abusers use to get us to lower our guard.
I don't hate them any more than I hate wasps, scorpions, or rattlesnakes. But that's pretty much where I have them pegged, at this point. Firmly in the category of Nasty Venomous Creatures.
It sickens me, though, to see people so easily fooled. So easily duped by the gushing and goo, so easily taken in by the sugar coated s--t, as someone brilliantly described it. So utterly oblivious to the viciousness. The meanness. The unholy joy taken in it.
I can't fix that. I didn't cause it, I don't control it, and I cannot cure it.
But oh, honey, I can blog about it.
Not about them. There are millions just like them. About the behaviors. About the disguises. About what makes up the pretense, and what's really likely to be beneath it.
I ought to know, after all. I've been fending it off all my life. The only thing that keeps the abused from becoming an abuser is insight, awareness, and sheer determination not to go there.
I don't always succeed, but I'm way the hell ahead of the competition on this thread.
