Patience

[Sela]

I pray for more every single night.  I'll never have enough.

Why put it on Jac's shoulders?  (sorry about that Jac.  I'm opening a new thread so your's can carry on).

Stormy, if you feel like talking to me, I'll look back here.  I'm being patient.  I know there are lot's of reasons for not replying and I'll try not to assume.  Cut and paste at will, if need be.  I want to understand.

Hope you're ok.

I really am sorry for every way I've upset you and for what I've said that caused you distress and any other stupid thing I've done.

I don't want to believe that you intended to wound me deeply and I'll stop feeling sorry for myself now and listen.

Sela

[ANewSheriff]

Sela,

Not sure what happened, but you seem a bit sad sitting here all alone so here is a verbal hug for you.  Hope you are feeling better soon.

ANewSheriff

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((((((((Sela))))))))))))))

I'm not sure what's going on chick, but you sound down hon.  If you need to chat, please feel free to post/PM....

Take care

H&H xx

[Sela]

((((((ANS, H&H))))))

Thankyou for your caring hearts and cyber hugs.

I'm ok now.  See "Giving empathy" thread for what happened.

Sela

[seasons]

(((((((((((((Sela & Storm))))))))))))) wishing you a better day. seasons

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((((((((((((Sela))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((Storm)))))))))))))))))))))))

I understood Sela's mistake and Storm's response.
One place, for me, escalated it. That was the "global" stuff...do you do this in the rest of your life, etc? Those lines would've wounded me. I think if one's been emotionally abused, self-confidence is shaky, so when someone suddenly paints your general behavior in a caustic way...your self-image can do a tailspin. Painful.

Specific objection usually can be worked with, global negatives stop effective communication.

(I also think it's a very common place to go when one is angry or hurt. I've done it, hardly anybody I know has not done it. We're just getting into such refined and conscious commmunicaton here that I thought I'd mention it. Hope it's useful.)

love to bothayouse,
Hops

[Portia]

Sela,

I admire your sheer guts for saying what you've said and taking the responsibility to open a new thread. That seems to me like really grabbing the bull by the horns and I like it, I respect that a lot.

Please give yourself a break and a big piece of praise (and chocolate if you like ). I'm so glad to come back today and see this. Thank you for the  I feel (even though I know it's my decison to feel it......ahhhh...you know what I mean, I think it's called being reciprocal!).

Storm,
hope you'll take my comments elsewhere in good spirit. I was getting a bit irked on Sela's behalf and well. Ha. You were out of line! Just a tad. i think. My opinion. No hard feelings? Hope not. None here.

Please take care both, P

[Sela]

Thankyou Seasons, Hops for your big hugs and good wishes.  I love those!  I really do! 

Thanks for your words Hops.  I'm hoping Stormy will get here to talk, when she can.  I'd like to comment but I think I'll wait and talk with Stormy first, if she's willing.

Portia, thankyou so much.  I'm not so sure it's brave to open a new thread but I will gratefully accept your compliment about what I said.  It was not easy for me.  Especially when my emotions felt so overwhelming.  I could easily have retreated into a dark hole.  Been there, done that and yep....it takes guts to climb out and talk.  For me it feels like that anyway.  So thanks.  'Course you invited me out eh?  By asking how I was doing?  Thanks ((((P)))).   I respect you for the risk you took too.

Oh chocolate!!  I love it!      Don't have any here.  Dang!     Been looking around for my Russel Stover no sugar added dark chocolate squares but they seem to have disappeared off the store shelves since Christmas.  Do they sound awful?  They're really yummy, imo.  Also the 70% cocoa kind (can't remember the brand).  Those I know where to get.  Going......going.......gone..

(((((((chocolate hug to you all))))))))))

  Sela

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Sela & Storm

I've seen the other thread now and I think fair play to Sela for opening a new thread, but I also think fair play to Storm for her apology to Sela on the giving empathy thread.

IMHO I think it's very easy to misinterpret or mistake how something is intended to be over email/posts/PM etc, because we never see the facial expressions or hear the tone of the poster... it is only how we perceive what the other is saying/posting.

I feel that you both resolved it honestly and maturely.

((((((((((((((((((((((Sela)))))))))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((((((Storm)))))))))))))))))))))))))

H&H xx

[Sela]

Thanks H&H, for all of your thoughts and that big hug.

I appreciate the time it took to read and think and post. 


I'm not commenting because I'm waiting to speak with Stormy (hoping).

Thankyou, though, for bothering and for complimenting.  ((((((((((H&H)))))))))).  Just because.

Sela

[Brigid]

Sela & Stormy,

I've been here with the two of you for awhile now and I have great respect and admiration for both of you.  I just wanted to say that I now respect and admire how you have worked through this misunderstanding/dispute and hope the seas are peaceful once again.

Some days we just don't read, see, hear, say, or think what we want or mean to.  So many things can play into that and as H & H said, without the eyes, body language and facial expressions to read along with the words, things can be misinterpreted or misunderstood.  But offering and accepting apologies takes effort and grace--so hats off to you both.

Hugs,

Brigid

[Stormchild]

Hi Sela

Sorry to be showing up so late. I need to blow off a little steam here, before I can talk sensibly, but it's not directed at you. Please bear with me, and then I'll settle down and talk about what I wanted to talk about...

I spent a lot of yesterday at a doctor's office &C with a little surprise that woke me up at 4 a.m. and made me think I had a perforating ulcer or incipient peritonitis. I had eaten homemade salmon chowder the night before and visions of fishbones piercing my insides were with me for hours afer I woke up hurting unexpectedly.

What I posted to you had been written and saved previously. I went to bed to sleep on it, but didn't get much sleep.

I can't believe I even got on line yesterday morning, utterly utterly insane thing to do, but I also changed the bed and did laundry and mopped the kitchen floor while waiting for my doctor's office to open. And took my cat to the vet to be boarded, in case I ended up going right into hospital once they took a look at me. I was putting my affairs in order, I guess, just in case, and wanted to say my piece to you if it was the last thing I did, because I was afraid it might be. Total madness. I have been told that pregnant women do thiings like that when labor starts, sometimes, and for the first time in my life I see how it could happen.

When I found out it was just a regular garden variety duodenal ulcer instead [now of all times, after all the things I've been dealing with for years? Life makes no sense] I filled my prescriptions and went on in to work, where I apologized for being out, explained what was going on, then dealt with a serious problem that kept me working through any chance of a break for lunch... so I didn't check the board. I got my cat [the vet was very understanding] and came home, kept an appointment, and was exhausted since I'd gotten about 3 hours of sleep, so I went to bed without checking in.

This morning I thought I really should get to the board, and I'm glad I did. I got to work late because I couldn't bear to leave you hanging and wanted to post to you before I left for the day. No blame, good lord no blame to you for that, when I saw your post I couldn't leave until I made sure you knew I'd seen it, and Monday is a holiday here, nobody was pushing things at work.

anyway, I just got home and online about maybe 20 minutes ago... it takes awhile to type and edit.

I really did not want to talk about the health related event here, because I was not experiencing anything significant until the early a.m. surprise, and I really, truly don't want to sound like I'm playing for sympathy. I was dealing with it, I was trying to keep mum, would have kept it to myself until much later.

Unfortunately, this evening I came home and logged on and discovered some - in the circs - terribly inappropriate interference/pressure in PM land, from an unnamed well-meaning third party, along the lines of it taking me too long to get back to you - to suit them.

This was a major boundary violation and under the circs it was about the worst possible thing the person involved could have done. The individual was well-intentioned towards you, which is utterly admirable, but they took something upon themselves with respect to me that was wholly inappropriate, and given what was going on with me, it was a really really really really really really really bad idea.

OK, that's out and done with. Now I have something to resolve with someone else, and I intend to do that, but  when I feel up to it. Don't feel badly about any of this because you caused none of it, and I would never have said a word about it till much later but for the backstage thing I ran into first thing here tonite.

*********************
breathe breathe breathe breathe
*********************

What I intended to start out with here was an apology. I am very very sorry about having taken off on you like I did, especially with respect to the way I upbraided you regarding how you might behave with others out in the real world. I was utterly out of line there, Sela, and I thought about it off and on the entire day today... yesterday my brains were pretty much mush, but when I looked at my own words again this morning I was very sorry.

two wrongs don't make a right, two mistakes don't usually correct one another. thank you for your response. My feeling lousy does not excuse my posting to you in the terms I did. there were things that did need to be addressed, but I'm really sorry I went to extremes. Again, the physical thing is no excuse. It's just a large - the largest - part of the reason I didn't get in touch sooner.

I'd better post this now, because I don't want to keep you hanging any longer than you already have been. Not sure how long I'll be on, but I'll stay around for a little while anyway.

[Sela]

Hi Stormy:

Been on the phone.....trying to get off for the last hour or more.  My one old aunt left.   A sweet lady but does she like to yak? 

Gee.....sounds like a pretty good excuse to me.  Sorry for all that pain.  Peritonitis?  Ulcer?  Fish bones? Owwwwch!!

wanted to say my piece to you if it was the last thing I did, because I was afraid it might be.

Hahahahahaha!  Famous last words eh?    It wasn't funny then but it does seem a bit comical now.

Couldn't you think of anything better.....like........pleeeeeeeeeeeez shut up and pray for my poor fish bone jabbed perforated peritonitic ulcerated soul?

I have been told that pregnant women do thiings like that when labor starts, sometimes,

I did that.  Every swear word I knew...and every one I didn't even know I knew.....all came out in one long winded sentence.... .....at which point I clamped my hand over my mouth......bug eyed.....and purple.
Everyone in the room laughed and the doc said:  "Don't worry. We've heard worse".

 

He was serious.

I also changed the bed and did laundry and mopped the kitchen floor

Gee, if I'da known......you coulda jipped over here to wash my living room ceiling too.    It's got those nice plaster swirls in it!!   

You nutbar!!  Were you trying to kill yourself?   There are much less painful ways, so I hear.  Like someone once suggested I do.......boil myself in acid.  Nice person.  Must've had a hernia or something.

This morning I thought I really should get to the board, and I'm glad I did. I got to work late because I couldn't bear to leave you hanging...

For crying out loud Stormy, I keep telling you no worries about not posting.  There are oodles of good reasons not to.  I do understand that.  I have no life so I can check in here at will.  Jeepers.  Did you take a pay cut too?

    I'm just happy you're alive and not full of fish bones and we're ok.

We're ok Storm.  Ok?  No more worrying.  And by the way.......you're not pregnant.  That must be a relief eh?

truly don't want to sound like I'm playing for sympathy

You don't sound like that at all.  Don't worry.

terribly inappropriate interference/pressure in PM land, from an unnamed well-meaning third party, along the lines of it taking me too long to get back to you - to suit them.

Really?  That person should also pray, every nite, for patience.  It really does help. 

Or, they could get rid of their life, like me, and then there would be no pressure at all.  They could peak in, some days at will.  I did fib.  Not all days are like that for me but today was.....so truly.  It doesn't matter Storm.  And I don't know what to say about the pm'er. 

it was a really really really really really really really bad idea.

Am I to assume there might be more apologies coming to other parties?  Poor Storm.  It sounds like you have had the worst of a bad thing.  I'm sorry.  I'm just glad you're still kickin'!!

Now I have something to resolve with someone else

Maybe the person will read here and post to you, under some other name even, and things will work out.  I hope so.  Would you consider forgiving Stormy Pm'er?  She was......mad with pain and frustration and bad circumstances and not reacting her best.  Whaddya say?

especially with respect to the way I upbraided you regarding how you might behave with others out in the real world. I was utterly out of line there, Sela, and I thought about it off and on the entire day today

You're wholley forgiven Stormy.  Honestly.  No hard feelings at all.  What hurt me...at the time...was that it was you.....my friend Stormy......thinking I was a liar.....thinking I was being mean....believing stuff about me that I didn't think was true.  I do wonder, seriously, if I do stuff that hurts people and I was serious over on that other thread when I said I'd like to know from anyone I have done that to.  I sure don't want to do that and the only way I can fix it is if I know about it.  I feel strong enough to hear it now too.....so let me know please.

What I wanted to say is that I feel I did do something very wrong by especially....rallying others, which is something I don't think I've ever done toward someone and I've even had it done to me (waaaaaay back) and I should know better.   I did misunderstand about your opinion and you attacked my character.  That's what hurt me most, I think.

I do absolutely forgive you for that Storm and I hope it helps to know how important you are to me and that's why it hurt for you to think/say all that about/to me.  If it were a complete stranger....I might have laughed.  Thought the person was really out to lunch.  But I respect your opinion and didn't even know, until this happened, how much. 

two wrongs don't make a right, two mistakes don't usually correct one another. thank you for your response.

I agree and thankyou for yours too Storm.  I feel much better now.     I appreciate you.  You did your best to correct any wrong. 

Do you feel better?  How are you now?  Is the pain gone?  Are the meds working?  You better get some rest and some nourishment into you.

(((((((((((Stormy's sore tummy)))))))))))

No need to post back until you feel like it.  Ok?

  Sela

[Stormchild]

Thanks Sela. I was kind of hanging around hoping you'd post so I'd know you'd seen and things were OK.

Forgiven, entirely, I promise.

Also forgiven the PMer, they were doing what they did from the best of motives, but they weren't thinking about what might have been keeping me away. Which, if they were going to PM me, they should have done at least a little bit.

I did, um, tell them to go boil their head, sort of, so I have a little bit of fencemending to do there.

Please don't worry about that any more, the person was sincerely concerned for you and really, it's nice to have someone in your corner like that... Since I told them what had happened to me to justify the head-boiling [sort of] recommendation, I figured I'd better fess up out here too. I really wanted to not talk about the medical thing at all, it's a diversion from the important stuff here.

I am now going to go get some sleep, I hope. Still sore, tumwise, but no longer hot jabs. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. How on earth has Moon lived with it for years as she has?

Take care, Sela. I'm sorry I thought badly of you and spoke harshly to you, and I'm very glad we're sorting it out.

[Sela]

Aw Storm:

it's a diversion from the important stuff here.

It is important stuff.  Your health is the most important stuff.   I'm so glad you're ok and we're ok.

Yes.  I meant to say thanks, too, to that secret pm'er.....for their concern for me.   I was trying to make Stormy smile there.  Did you smile Storm?  Then I forgot to say thanks.

Thanks pm'er, whoever you are. 

Take care, Sela. I'm sorry I thought badly of you and spoke harshly to you, and I'm very glad we're sorting it out.

Apollogy accepted in full Storm.  I'm very glad too.  Please take a nice long nap and have a good feed of boneless chicken soup tomorrow.

Nightie night.  Hope you're all better real soon Storm.  (((((extra hug for still sore tum)))))

  Sela