Say it isn't so.

[Dewd]

Dearest Young people,

I've been reading your postings with concern. You see, dear hearts, there's a chasm between us, a chasm so wide that only time, your life time, can span it. By that time, of course, it'll be too late.

As I read of the many broken hearts, the words from Billy Gilman's song: "What's Forever For," reflect my thoughts better than I ever could, especially the first two verses; "I've been looking at people, And how they change with the times; And lately all I've been seeing are people Throwing love away and losing their minds: Or maybe it's me that's gone crazy, 'Cause I can't understand why; that lovers keep hurting each other When good love is so hard to come by."

It's none of my business, I know, and I wouldn't have stopped to read your postings, but for one woman's desperate plea for help. Apparently her marriage was too far gone to save.

At any rate, as an old man, there's so many things about life that I could say to young people, but I'm sure it would fall on deaf ears. However, one thing that women, (all women) should consider before throwing their lover away, is the fact that men do not "feel" love the way that women do, and there are no exceptions.

A woman's sex is connected to her love, while a man's sex has nothing to do with love. Women are unable to grasp the significance this difference. 

Too, we've become brainwashed into believing that there is no recourse for infidelity, other than divorce. Moreover, we're afraid that others will laugh at us if we stay married to an unfaithful mate.

It isn't true. Think about it. Of course, it isn't true. I can only imagine the heartbreak of loosing my first love for the silly reason that she was unfaithful. I keep uppermost in my mind that we do not own our mate. I'm so grateful that my woman loves me enough to make a life with me, that I will keep her until I die, no matter what she does. Incidentally, we've been married for fifty years now.

DammitDewd, on windswept prairies of Oklahoma.

[WRITE]

hi, Dewd. The reason us young 'uns may seem so negative about our failed marriages is we were married to people with narcissistic personality disorder, that's the focus of the site.

I would love to believe with love and patience and G_d's hep we can overcome anything but I am aware that more than half of my life has passed by and I am ready to be happy alone or with someone else now.

It's not necessarily throwing love away, more like I would like to retain my sanity!

As for infidelity, well that's an individual matter: what some people would be able to rationalise and forgive would be experienced as abuse and betrayal by another.

Congratulations on your long marriage, I hope it has been happy for you both.

[DammitDewd]

>>> "I would love to believe with love and patience and G_d's hep we can overcome anything but I am aware that more than half of my life has passed by and I am ready to be happy alone or with someone else now." <<<

Hello Write,

I hear you. Better stated, I understand. Incidentally, you're name is noticeably appropriate. Your writing is excellent. You put so much into words. I feel almost reverent when I read you.

Thanks for your "love and patience" w/a gullible old man, who doesn't know much stuff. I know that robins lay heavenly blue eggs in nests made of mud, and that opossums never blink --instead of blinking, they wink-- never closing both eyes at the same time. I know that Brussels sprouts have three times more vitamin C than does orange juice, but I really don't know jack. I was dreaming, I guess.

Too, maybe my life has been somewhat sheltered. Isolated might be a better word for it. Except for the last twelve years of my work-a-day life, I was heavily involved w/the nation's nuclear war industry. After the superpowers came to their senses and negotiated the INF accords, I woke-up in a brand new world where people do strange things for no reason.

After thirty one years of living and working in a sterile environment, the last twelve years, before I retired altogether, were traumatic for me. In my new work-place, I kept hearing the same theme, almost the same words and mostly from divorced women. "I didn't know what I had until it was too late."

In your particular case, Write, maybe both you and your husband would be better off separated. I do wish you all the best.

DammitDewd. Your new friend ( I hope) in Oklahoma.

[WRITE]

my life has been somewhat sheltered. Isolated might be a better word for it.

I just had an image of you emerging blinking into the sun...( Rutter's Gloria Andante was playing in the background, the last few bars...)

I think regret is a common theme in divorce, but for me I'd rather regret the divorce than the unhappiness of being married.

Sure come be my friend!