Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1306408 times)

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3120 on: January 16, 2012, 08:13:44 PM »
I understand Bones.

I heard someone on the radio today use the phrase "this culture of entitlement" and while I enjoyed hearing it recognised out loud on an everyday programme, I didn't like to hear the examples of how 'ordinary' people behave these days - like complete nutters.

Thanks, Freshwater.

Sounds about right with N's who have this attitude of ENTITLEMENT!  When I was reading the letter in Dear Abby this morning, it reminded me of a situation that occurred with NDoofus and her sister/brother-in-law/nephew.  The sister and brother-in-law invited NDoofus to fly down with them during a vacation with the stipulation that in exchange for a free flight, free room, etc. that NDoofus would babysit the nephew while her sister and brother-in-law attended an 'adults only' event.  At the last minute, NDooofus ANNOUNCED that SHE wanted to go sight-seeing instead of being with her nephew!  She was reminded that she had agreed to babysit her nephew in exchange for having her flight, etc. paid for by her sister and brother-in-law.  What did NDoofus do?  She took off without telling them where she was going and when she was going to be back....basically, SHE BAILED ON THEM, left them holding the bag without a babysitter and no time to find another one!  As a result, they couldn't attend the 'adults only' event, which happened to be related to his job, and NDoofus didn't bother to come back until the wee hours of the morning!!!  Then had the EFFING NERVE to wonder WHY THEY WERE UPSET because SHE WAS ENTITLED TO DO AS SHE PLEASED!  She complained to me later that she couldn't understand why she was no longer invited to go anywhere with them!  I basically responded:  "Well DUH!!!"  God she was SO STUPID, ARROGANT, SELF-CENTERED, AND SELF-ABSORBED!  DAMN!
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3121 on: January 17, 2012, 07:49:35 AM »
Regarding Letter Number One about the remodeling....as usual, the Annie's JUST DON'T GET IT!


http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/kitchen-remodel-causes-family-rift.html
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3122 on: January 17, 2012, 07:53:37 AM »
How many of us have N's who attempt to pull this stunt?


http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20120117
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3123 on: January 18, 2012, 07:27:50 AM »
I feel like I want to SCREAM in frustration so this vent might end up being very long!

On Monday, Martin Luther King Day, I participated with a group of CERT members, the American Red Cross, and Ham Radio Operators, for a Day of Service, helping to disseminate information to nearby residents, in a neighboring city (not mine), about emergency preparedness.  When I got back home, I sent an e-mail to the president of the home owners association, the chair of sector advisory coalition, and part of the safety and security committee to discuss the following concerns that came to mind while I was reading over, and quoting from,  a copy of the flyer that I was distributing around this other neighborhood some miles away from home: 

Neighborhood Watch....I've been trying to organize more residents to assist with either Static Watch or Mobile Patrol because there has been a series of car break-ins as well as break-ins at the main building where we have a fitness room and swimming pool available to residents.  There are also numerous gangs nearby and some members of one of those gangs attacked and murdered a student at a nearby high school.  All I've gotten in response is apathy and more apathy.  Yet, when something new happens, these same apathetic people B*TCH about WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!  (HELLO, folks!  I can't do this ALONE!!!!  We need teamwork, PLEASE!) 

Emergency Preparedness.....quoting from the flyer:  "Although they seldom occur, our area is not immune to natural or man-made disasters.  We may need to be self-sufficient for a period of 72 hours or more before city, county, or state authorities might be able to respond to our needs." 

Where I live, the Emergency Preparedness and Operations Plan that is ON PAPER has NOT been updated for TEN YEARS and has NEVER been tested with any kind of practice drill to see if what is on paper actually works in real life!  (What is hypothetical or theoretical, mentally, does NOT always translate well into actual practice.  Am I making sense?)  To add to the frustration, the Plan does NOT mention any involvement with CERT at all.  My community has experienced hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards, and earthquakes and, as a result, my particular development has been ISOLATED during these crises.  Unfortunately, there are people in my community that do NOT have a clue of what and what NOT to do during an emergency and, what's worse, REFUSE to do even the BASIC preparations such as having a supply of non-perishable food in the house in case we lose electricity and/or natural gas, again, which would result in being unable to use the refrigerator, stove, and/or microwave.  Their excuse?  "The police and fire department will take care of us."  What we have experienced has taught them NOTHING!

I've also discussed the Community Emergency Response Team several times and feel like I've done nothing except talk to "blank walls".  I am the ONLY CERT member where I live and trying to respond to emergencies involving about 300 residences is too overwhelming.  No one else in my community seems to "GET" that!  Their attitude is:  "Let someone else do it.  I don't want to be bothered"....until another crisis happens and then the sh*t hits the fan!

I stated that I may be a lone voice crying in the wilderness and, at the same time, "playing ostrich" is NOT going to help us when the next emergency occurs; whether it is another hurricane, tornado, blizzard, earthquake, etc.  I also commented that I know that it is a LOT of "preaching on my soapbox" and, at the same time, I feel that these issues need to be discussed and acted upon.  I repeated to them that I CANNOT DO IT ALONE!  I asked these people...if this nearby city, that is only a few miles away. can accomplish all this, WHY CAN'T WE?

The response I got:  "You'll be the perfect person to head up this project!"

I DON'T WANT TO BE THE PERFECT PERSON TO HEAD UP THIS PROJECT!!!!  Why?  BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO BE BOTHERED AND I END UP ALONE AGAIN AND THIS IS TOO OVERWHELMING FOR ONE PERSON!!!!

They just DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*Banging head on desk!*
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3124 on: January 18, 2012, 11:44:52 AM »
I feel your frustration Bones.

Those people who are driving you nuts... are the future zombies of the apocalypse. I wouldn't waste my breath trying to convince them to be prepared. They will expect someone to take care of them, after the SHTF and all is chaos. Doesn't have to be you. You need to develop a "go plan", and destination for yourself just in case "sheltering in place" isn't all that safe.
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3125 on: January 18, 2012, 12:26:41 PM »
I feel your frustration Bones.

Those people who are driving you nuts... are the future zombies of the apocalypse. I wouldn't waste my breath trying to convince them to be prepared. They will expect someone to take care of them, after the SHTF and all is chaos. Doesn't have to be you. You need to develop a "go plan", and destination for yourself just in case "sheltering in place" isn't all that safe.

Thanks, P.R.

We're having a home owners meeting tonight and I'll be bringing materials and flapping my gums again.
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3126 on: January 18, 2012, 05:00:55 PM »
On top of everything, some MORON decided to use the stairwell as a toilet!!!  GEEZ!!!!   :evil:
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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3127 on: January 18, 2012, 09:18:36 PM »
Aww, Bones.
You want so much for others to join you shoulder to shoulder and step up...

Just take on what you realistically can -- and know that even if others resist your leadership,
you can only be responsible for what ONE human reasonably can. CERTIfied or not.

The challenge is to not let the others' blind spots spoil your view. Or to believe that if
THEY don't show you sufficient respect, that means you're not worthy of it. Of course
you are. But its your own self-respect that has the most value.

I hope you take pleasure in your knowledge and your confidence about CERT.

There must be a sense of alarm, but remember, even when they're balky and flighty,
they're still human with you...warts (blind spots) and all.

Hugs,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3128 on: January 18, 2012, 09:25:57 PM »
Aww, Bones.
You want so much for others to join you shoulder to shoulder and step up...

Just take on what you realistically can -- and know that even if others resist your leadership,
you can only be responsible for what ONE human reasonably can. CERTIfied or not.

The challenge is to not let the others' blind spots spoil your view. Or to believe that if
THEY don't show you sufficient respect, that means you're not worthy of it. Of course
you are. But its your own self-respect that has the most value.

I hope you take pleasure in your knowledge and your confidence about CERT.

There must be a sense of alarm, but remember, even when they're balky and flighty,
they're still human with you...warts (blind spots) and all.

Hugs,
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

The Board seems open to what I suggested so I have some homework to do.
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3129 on: January 19, 2012, 07:01:46 AM »
Hoping to find the additional information I need soon.
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3130 on: January 20, 2012, 06:57:11 AM »
As I was browsing through the advice columns this morning, I came across one letter from a parent of two children, ages 9 and 11.  The letter writer and his wife had been hiring the 17-year-old neighbor's daughter as a baby sitter for quite a while until there was an incident.  While the parents of these young children were attending an adults only party with the parents of the 17-year-old, and the 17-year-old was SUPPOSED to be babysitting the kids plus another young child who was sleeping over, the 17-year-old walked all three kids to HER house, took her parents' car, and drove the children to an ice cream store where HER friends were working.  Then she told these three children to "keep it a secret".  The letter writer found out about this unauthorized excursion three days later when his 9-year-old spilled the beans accidentally.  The father called the 17-year-old baby sitter about this unauthorized trip and fired her.   

However, the baby sitter's parents are ANGRY at the letter writer, claiming that what their 17-year-old daughter did "wasn't illegal" and, as I continued to read the letter, I was getting the feeling that the baby sitter's parents were basically telling the letter writer:  "How DARE you object to what OUR daughter WANTS to do!"  What made it worse was reading the comments "below the line" where they all accused the letter writer, and father of these two YOUNG kids, of "over-reacting"!

EXCUSE ME!!!!  If I was the parent of YOUNG children, ESPECIALLY if my kids were under the age of 12, and I learned that the baby sitter took my kids somewhere, late at night, WITHOUT my permission and then TOLD my kids NOT to tell me what the sitter did......I WOULD BE LIVID THAT SHE PUT MY KIDS AT RISK SO SHE COULD HANG OUT WITH HER FRIENDS!!!!  Over-reacting, my A$$!!!!
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3131 on: January 20, 2012, 08:48:01 AM »
I feel like I'm having a cyclothymic episode.  Monday through Wednesday, I was talking about many ideas for my community and now, today, I feel like I want to crawl back into bed, pull the blankets over me, and thinking suicidal thoughts.  OY!   :(
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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3132 on: January 20, 2012, 01:13:05 PM »
Rest, breathe, remember -- things ebb and flow and REST and SELF-CARE need to be daily.

(Preaching to myself...)

Don't despair, Bones.
If the thoughts get worse, please call a hotline.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3133 on: January 20, 2012, 01:20:56 PM »
Rest, breathe, remember -- things ebb and flow and REST and SELF-CARE need to be daily.

(Preaching to myself...)

Don't despair, Bones.
If the thoughts get worse, please call a hotline.

love,
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

Ironically, my last job was with a suicide hotline so the number(s) I would dial would automatically ring THERE where they know me as a former co-worker.  Awkward.
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sKePTiKal

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #3134 on: January 20, 2012, 04:42:30 PM »
I hope you've relaxed a little, Bones.

I'm sure the CERT stuff feels a bit out of your comfort zone... you've already said you're pretty sure no one is going to volunteer and be reliable. It would freak me out, too. I've often suggested an idea and it's been interpreted that I'm volunteering and before you know it, I'm totally overwhelmed. Just set a firm commitment to yourself, that if no one else will accept responsibility for parts of the project that you need to delegate... you WON'T DO IT AT ALL.

And maybe you're coming down with whatever bug hit me. I've been regaining some energy and brain function the last few days... but it's easily used up. Even this morning - I woke up incredibly early... I guess since I've been sleeping long for days... and I was totally miserable and the tears just ran like a steady rain. By noon... all was well again. I was too exhausted to try to explain it to myself...  Some of it was just the nasty bug.... and me feeling flat-out helpless and miserable.

I treated myself to some skin and shower potions... sea salt scrub and some kind of egyptian oil balm... because my skin dries out & my nerve ending go bonkers this time of year. The heat, steam and oils really helped.
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