Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Just touching base as things have been quiet on the side of NDoofus.

Bones

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Bones   It's good to read you.

Most of my Doof-i (plural of Doofus? or is it Doofusses... lol) have been quiet lately, as well.

Yay!!

Love,
Carolyn

[BonesMS]

Hi, Bones   It's good to read you.

Most of my Doof-i (plural of Doofus? or is it Doofusses... lol) have been quiet lately, as well.

Yay!!

Love,
Carolyn

As long as they leave us alone, things are fine.  At times, I keep wondering when the next shoe is gonna drop.

Bones

[Certain Hope]

As long as they leave us alone, things are fine.  At times, I keep wondering when the next shoe is gonna drop.

Bones

Yup... other shoe or anvil, whatever the case may be. I felt like that throughout the first three years of no contact with ex-husband, but eventually they do move on, I believe, Bones. When there's absolutely no response, no feedback, they will find someone else with whom to play cat and mouse.

Bones, remember when you checked for me re: incarceration details/visitation vis my former son-in-law?
Well, he wound up getting weekend jail-tiime for his drug charges and is still a mess, sadly. But just today, my daughter finally got word that she's won full physical custody of their 4 year old daughter.  But....  get this - - they still share joint legal custody. Can you imagine?!  Why in the world the court thinks that man should have any say whatsoever in the education, health, and welfare of the little girl who has seen the police involved in her family life more times than... well... I dunno, it's beyond me.
Anyhow, at least there's finally a decision and hopefully he'll accept it and move on.... time will tell.

Hope your week is good.

Love,
Carolyn

[debkor]

Hi Carolyn,

Well this is good news.  I know my friend has full physical custody of her children and brought the court papers to school.  Her ex h called the school and asked for copies of their report cards.  The school refused since M had the full physical custody.  Actually two of my friends so don't worry so much about the joint decisions because the judge told one all she has to do is show report cards and tell him when they are injured or sick and that can be after the fact, like stitches.  It's kind of just to shut them up and let them  know whats going on.  And my two friends ex h's after while didn't even care to know.  Just a control issue and it fades out.

Make sure you D puts those papers with the school.

Love
Deb

[Izzy_*now*]

I don't think it is N-ish. To violate another's boundaries could be just someone who has no boundaries of their own!
They just don't recognize the boundary or the violation.

I'm not sure to whom I am speaking.. maybe just because I posted my own on Boundaries.
,
,
,
,

,
,
oh sorry Bones!

[Certain Hope]

Thanks, Deb!
 Helps alot to hear of some specific examples of how the legal custody part of it works   
My granddaughter is 4 now and looking forward to Kindergarden this coming Fall, so... I'll pass this on to my daughter and advise her to be sure the school is copied on the court judgment.
In the meanwhile, she told me yesterday that her ex called, gloating, apparently thinking that he really has the upper hand because he didn't have to return their daughter. So obnoxious! Once the court documents arrive via mail, the police will accompany J to pick up the little girl... because trouble is just about guaranteed, where this guy is concerned. He's really gotten nasty now that she has a boyfriend... even though he and my daughter haven't been together in nearly 3 years. It's clear that he still thinks of her... and their child... as his own personal property.  Looking forward to the end of this drama so that they can all move on with their lives!

Love to you,
Carolyn

[BonesMS]

As long as they leave us alone, things are fine.  At times, I keep wondering when the next shoe is gonna drop.

Bones

Yup... other shoe or anvil, whatever the case may be. I felt like that throughout the first three years of no contact with ex-husband, but eventually they do move on, I believe, Bones. When there's absolutely no response, no feedback, they will find someone else with whom to play cat and mouse.

Bones, remember when you checked for me re: incarceration details/visitation vis my former son-in-law?
Well, he wound up getting weekend jail-tiime for his drug charges and is still a mess, sadly. But just today, my daughter finally got word that she's won full physical custody of their 4 year old daughter.  But....  get this - - they still share joint legal custody. Can you imagine?!  Why in the world the court thinks that man should have any say whatsoever in the education, health, and welfare of the little girl who has seen the police involved in her family life more times than... well... I dunno, it's beyond me.
Anyhow, at least there's finally a decision and hopefully he'll accept it and move on.... time will tell.

Hope your week is good.

Love,
Carolyn

Thanks, Carolyn!

As for the legal situation, I don't understand the thinking of the courts.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I don't think it is N-ish. To violate another's boundaries could be just someone who has no boundaries of their own!
They just don't recognize the boundary or the violation.

I'm not sure to whom I am speaking.. maybe just because I posted my own on Boundaries.
,
,
,
,

,
,
oh sorry Bones!

In the case of NDoofus, I now understand that it IS N behavior on her part!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Well, I guess you can say that the other anvil just dropped!

NDoofus sent me ANOTHER e-mail...but nothing personalized.  It was one of those "chain" e-mails that request that you forward it on to everyone in your address book with a "promise" that you will get something in return.  (I don't like chain-letters in any form.)  I still have not responded to her.  I don't want to open that door.

Bones

[Hopalong]

Sounds like NC is working well for you, Bones...
a fairly peaceful end to that relationship.
I know it was a frustrating one for you.

hugs,
Hops

PS Carolyn, I'm so glad your D has real custody, and I agree w/Deb, sometimes "legal joint" is used to pacify the other parent. I hope he gives up his control games soon. What a hard thing for you to watch unfolding. xxoo, H.

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Bones,

I absolutely detest junk mail, especially that sort... where- with one click, the sender can flood the inbox of every individual in her address book.

The last time I spoke up about unwanted email was several years ago, to my brother. Just told him that I didn't want to receive any more of a particular variety of communication... and I haven't heard from him since. Not complaining, but...  well, I guess he showed me! heh.

If you've made up your mind that you want no further interaction with this person, then you'll have peace... whether she ever dumps another email into your box... or not.

Love, Carolyn

P.S.  Thanks, Hops... me, too!  For now, everything appears to be well settled, with the dad getting only 4 hours visitation per week and no weekends.
He's threatening to contest the judgment, but time is rapidly running out and we are pretty sure it's just empty talk. I'm just praying that - at last! - there can be some sense of normalcy to that sweet little girl's days. She's just 4 and this has already been going on through 3 years of her life. 'Nuff!

xOOxO  Bunches,
Carolyn

[BonesMS]

Sounds like NC is working well for you, Bones...
a fairly peaceful end to that relationship.
I know it was a frustrating one for you.

hugs,
Hops

PS Carolyn, I'm so glad your D has real custody, and I agree w/Deb, sometimes "legal joint" is used to pacify the other parent. I hope he gives up his control games soon. What a hard thing for you to watch unfolding. xxoo, H.

Thanks, Hops!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Hi, Bones,

I absolutely detest junk mail, especially that sort... where- with one click, the sender can flood the inbox of every individual in her address book.

The last time I spoke up about unwanted email was several years ago, to my brother. Just told him that I didn't want to receive any more of a particular variety of communication... and I haven't heard from him since. Not complaining, but...  well, I guess he showed me! heh.

If you've made up your mind that you want no further interaction with this person, then you'll have peace... whether she ever dumps another email into your box... or not.

Love, Carolyn

P.S.  Thanks, Hops... me, too!  For now, everything appears to be well settled, with the dad getting only 4 hours visitation per week and no weekends.
He's threatening to contest the judgment, but time is rapidly running out and we are pretty sure it's just empty talk. I'm just praying that - at last! - there can be some sense of normalcy to that sweet little girl's days. She's just 4 and this has already been going on through 3 years of her life. 'Nuff!

xOOxO  Bunches,
Carolyn

Thanks, Carolyn.

I've given up explaining the obvious to her.  She just doesn't get it!

Bones

[BonesMS]

And she is still sending impersonal e-mails.

Bones