I have just a few thoughts here......
First, I am wondering if that fear that you would be nothing without your Mother was a fear planted by her. Perhaps she needed you to feel that way so her controlling world would work. You
are someone without her....inspite of her.....independent of her....and always have been whether either of you acknowledged that or not. That is a fixed truth. No matter or might of manipulation can change it. The sky is blue. Gravity happens. Water is wet. Ami IS. It is an irrefutable fact.
Next, you have been hanging onto that belief for dear life. What if you let go of it? What will really happen? Will you fall? I picture it like you are hanging from the monkey bars for dear life. To everybody else the fall is only a few inches but to you it feels like falling into a canyon! But the truth is, that it is only a few inches. You are where you have always been. You and the "home of you" is right where you are. So, if you can get ahold of the faith in that, then what is holding you back from walking straight into that fear with all the gumption God gave you.....and letling go of it. Indiana Jones and the last Crusade. The leap of faith at the end of the movie??? Remember? Looked like a canyon, but there WAS a path!! And his foot found it....but only after he took the step! Maybe you could let go of it for a day. And see what life would be like without this little grouping of thoughts.
I have no one. No soft place to fall.AH, I know this painful thought. I am well aquainted with it. Before I met you all, I was pretty sure I was the author of it. ::
:: This one is a lie too. You know that. Your mind knows it but your heart has so much evidence to the contrary. This is where faith in God and self really matters. Its the same stuff you tell me and others. But now it is time for your heart to truly walk into the reality of it. If you were the only person on the face of this earth, He would still send His son to save you! He is there. And you know that too. His comfort is so much better than any comfort you are getting from hanging on to this lie. And aren't your arms tired and stretched from holding onto that bar???
You are not alone....... because you have YOU! Your greatest friend. The person who knows the pain better than any other human. YOU! Don't worry so much about a soft place to fall because that place is in you! Falling from this one is more like falling UP into the strength of who you are.
You are not alone because Angels are with you. God has hosts with him!!. They serve and support us. Remember the old testament Elisha story. The armies are coming and it appears that they have no defense and then the vision is opened into heaven and their are hosts and hosts of armies at their rear.
"And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? And he (Elisha) answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than be with them. And Elijah prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man an he saw: and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha." (2 kings 6:15-17, kjv)
So, when we say or feel that we are alone.....we are so so wrong!! Isn't it cool, how wrong we really are???
Much love to you, Ami. You can let go. It is ok. You are ok already. You will be ok when you finally find that you are ready to lay it down.
Love,
Poppy
