Author Topic: So confused.  (Read 1727 times)

Cj

  • Guest
So confused.
« on: July 03, 2004, 10:35:34 AM »
I posted here a while back. This is one of the forums I related to most, although I wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking, in wanting to find a solution to my problems, and I've been to a few boards in the past. Anyway, I still live with my parents, and am in therapy for my issues, which are still unfolding.
Thoughts have turned to me moving out, and I just cannot assert myself with them, or rather my mother. Its like they ahve a hold on me. I worry about what THEY will think, more than what I do! ANd how THEY will feel. THSI IS ALL SO WRONG. I am 29 years old.
I was thinking about maybe get supported accomodation, and started thinking about the scenario that would ensue.

WHY AM I SO CONCERNED WITH WHAT THEY THINK?

I just don't know why I feel this way. :(.

Anonymous

  • Guest
So confused.
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2004, 12:15:04 PM »
Hi CJ,

Welcome back to the board.  I think all of us here are concerned with what other people think and are just learning to figure out what we think for ourselves.  I also feel it's natural for any child at any age to want their parents support, approval, and encouragement as the child ventures forth into the world.  We wonder if our wings will carry us when we jump out of the nest (or the frying pan  8) ).  

My parents are pros at making all kinds of scary noises when change is in the air.  Change really rocks their control boat.  What was/is aggravating for me is that when the change or decision works out, they are all smiles  :shock: .  I wonder "why did you put me through that?"

Now, this may not be your parents.  But this is how it was for me.  Also, this may seem obvious, but parents are older than we are  :wink:  not necessarily wiser and looking out for us.  They want a built-in free caregiver to stick around for when they get even older.  It sounds like maybe you want your parents approval to move out and alas, you will not get it.  

Perhaps it might help to think of asserting yourself with Y-O-U vs. your mother.  Get your own approval for your own needs and do what you need to do and let the chips fall where they may.  

Good luck CJ.  Hugs, Seeker

write

  • Guest
So confused.
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2004, 09:00:41 PM »
hi CJ

controlling parents have usually convinced their kids that:
*the world is a bad place
*things will go wrong if you don't do x/y/z
*the ( dysfunctional ) family are the only ones who will ever really love/ accept/ support you

Although you know the steps you need to take to grow as a person you are feeling the tension between your view of the world and your parents.

Can I tell you something? You are the answer, or you contain the answer to all of your life's problems. Everything is a learning and growth potential.

Sure, sometimes you'll be lonely or frustrated or hurt or lost...but the great thing about becoming a mature person is when whatever happens we can say, I'll deal with it... and know that tomorrow is filled with hope.

Be strong, and be who you want to be, no, more than that: be who you have to be, to be fulfilled.

Because there are heights of joy and peace and achievement out there too.

I salute you, fellow traveller!

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. -Lao-tzu-

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

blusky6986

  • Guest
parents
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2004, 06:07:21 AM »
cj save and leave hoime asap.
I'm 52 and starting to becomje aware only after all these years what i've beendealing with.  dr. phil mcgraw has halped a few adults deal with aging parents who are dictators or narcacists and my parents have always been both.  it wasn't until thuis year i told both of them off, i blew up at them t hey were that bad.  there arew plenty of other adults going through the dsame things and thetre are plenty of bullies in the world of both sexes.  i've run into a lot of them.