Newbie

[Anonymous]

Wow, talk about an 'I' problem.

You're right that I will never forgive my husband's behaviour.  I do, however, choose to forgive him.   We are all human and capable of behaving in terrible ways.  There is insanity in all of our lives at one time or another and I just can't send my husband to the wolves when he could easily deny (for example) and lie.  The behaviour is "unforgivable" but think about admitting doing something like that?  How easy is it for any of us to admit doing something wrong, never mind admit something so dispicable?  It takes great courage.  

So he came to you straight after he did it and confessed, did he?
Naaah, of course not, he was happy to live on lies and borrowed time, and was never gonna tell you at all love.

A person who intends to repeat such behaviour does not face up to it.   They do the opposite, especially when their lawyer is telling them that they could easily "win this case" and "get off".  My husband stopped his behaviour himself, he "offered" but didn't go any further.   He did not continue or complete what he started.   That does not erase the fact that he began in the first place, it is still a crime,  but it does indicate that he got control of his urges.   He did not repeat this behaviour again.

Yeah, right. How the hell do you know? How many other little kiddie victims in his past? Do you know for sure there are no others? Do you? He's not going to tell you, is he? And hey, he certainly did enough to blow your family apart. What a great guy! he must really love you.

I understand what it feels like to do something extremely immoral and unacceptable.  I had an abortion when I was 19.  It was legal in the eyes of the law but I know darn well it was not, and is not, legal in the eyes of God.  I know what it feels like to regret behaviour and to never want to repeat it again.  To take responsibility for it and do everything possible to prevent repeating it.  To want to do anything to make up for it.  I think this helped me to understand my husband's remorse.

Irrelevant! Unconnected! Guilt! Guilt drives people nuts. Makes people do crazy things. Like you for example, forgiving and continuing to stay married to a person who molests their own child. Sad sorry stuff!

I have no problem living with my choices.  

Well then what are you complaining about and grieving over. Everybody else in your family has a problem with your choices and priorities. So do I. But that's okay, so long as you're cool with it, so am I. But I don't believe you. I think you're in denial big time, and looking for people to support you in denial. Soory luv, no can do!

What I have difficulty with, I guess, is accepting the way my sister went for my juglar immediately, before I even knew about this.  

I'm with Sis. She's the hero in the story as far as I'm concerned. She's having very healthy normal protective reactions about her neice. She's repulsed, shocked, horrified, disgusted with you, and so am I. Give her time to get used to the idea that her sister continues to stay married to this sicko creep who molested her neice. A millenium or 2 should do it.
Huh! HUH! Your privacy. Huh! You don't own that child. This has nothing to do with your privacy. It's about a child who has been molested, you fool. By your husband. If he molested your friends child would you be so blase? Would you be angered if the friend told the world? Your sister has every right to vent at the injury inflicted on her family. yes, that's right, it's her family too that this happened too. And all you seem to be saying is that she owes you greater loyalty than your daughter. I'm glad your kids have someone who recognises danger and sickness and cruelty. You don't. And I'm feeling mad and like being insulting here, so can I say, in the nicest possible way, you don't sound all that smart to me. Why? Because you can't even tell the difference between a child molester and  decent caring human-being. Your child is damaged severely and seriously as a result of that creep. And N behaviour will be the least of her problems because of that creep who you sleep with every night. He should be in a jail, not in her house, in bed with her mother. YUK! SICK! Makes me question once again the role of 'Mother'???

tand give me time to digest this terrible news.  I wanted her to respect my right to make decisions.   I never would have dreamed that she would add lies to the story and try to totally destroy -my - friendships, my- reputation, my support systems, and totally isolate me.  

hey how about giving her some of this wonderful understanding you have for that so and so husband of yours.

What she did hurt me more than what my husband did.  

What the hell are you talking about? Can you hear yourself?

She is my blood.  I expected her to try to help my family, not destroy it.  

No he did this love, not her. More denial. And you choosing to stay with him is insane. Are you a love-addict? Must be something like that. Where is your dignity?

I didn't want to believe she is like my father but now I have seen her at  her peak.  I can't deny it any longer.  I do forgive her too because she is sick and only human.  I am not angry with her but I do not accept her behaviour either.   The difference lies in the fact that she does not admit to doing anything wrong and shows no sorrow.   Even when I told her how much she was hurting me and making things worse, she used words to stab me and grind the knife in deeper.  I lost my baby sister at that moment.   I don't blame my husband for my sister's behaviour.  Those were her choices.

If I was your sister I'd be just as angry as she is. Probably worse. She's reacting to nightmare stuff. You're passively accepting it, like a victim. Playing the victim. You are de-sensitised to normal maternal feelings to protect ones young. You need deep therapy.

I have always hoped that things will work out in my family.  I still think they will but it will take a long time.  It would be a lot easier to help my children heal if my sister were not feeding them constant hate.  Telling both my kids that they "should hate" my husband and "hate" me.  Both kids have told me that she frequently tells them this.  Who has the right to instill such hate in children??  Against their parent.  To me, this too is monstrous, disgusting and abhorrent behaviour.  My sister was narcissistic to begin with but now she has the amunision to justify her self-given-superiority and she is using it to cause as much ruin as possible.

So is your behaviour, monstous and abhorrent. And not without a smattering of N, self-absorbed selfish yourself. So if kids are inheriting, look no further.

My kids have also inherited these N traits.  I feel guilty for passing them on.  I am honest and I try not to judge harshly.  It is so painful for me to watch my children turn into such opposite people.  It hurts me to know that my efforts to try to teach them to be kind, good, generous, considerate, loving individuals have been useless.  I feel very sad to think of the relationships they will have with others if they continue developing in this manner.   And what my sister is doing to encourage them to be like her will further disintegrate my relationship with them.

Blaah blaah blaah. I think you've single handedly disintegrated your relationship with them by staying with him YUK!!!! Good onya sis. Keep them away from this sicko household, please. At least till mum has the good sense to get rid of this jerk who seriously infected damaged her family, and gets some serious therapy.

I feel totally frustrated and very sad due to all of the losses I have endured.  Think of losing your trust in your spouse, your relationships as they were with your children, and most of your friends, all in a very short time.  It is a horrible story, as you say.

I am still here and I still have the same attitude I have always had, since I was a small child and that is:

"I am not going to let these idiots drive me bananas".

"I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"  "I"

So far, it's working.  I just want to do as you say and get further past it.  The hurt inside keeps rising up.  The grief is hard to imagine.

[/quote] Yes, that's right, get further past it, furthr into denial. That'll do it!

You can't even imagine how your poor daughter feels can you? Otherwise you would have a completely different focus and content in your posts. It's so obvious you don't understand the first thing about the effects of sexual abuse on the victim. I wonder if you even want to understand. Your imaginings are about you and your grief and your loss. What about your children's losses. They're far greater than yours. But I get the feeling yours are more important to you. And as far as thinking rather reacting. Bravo! 3 cheers. Yes, please be a pro at work and think. I thikn that's what you get paid to do, so no brownie points there. But with your family, how about showing some feeling and love. Seems old creepo gets all of that too.

I'm outta here. Going to talk to someone who is into serious positive change. Very sad sorry sick stuff when a kids mum justifies this jerk and his situation at the expense of her own children. If their primary care-giver lets them down, who have they got. In this situation, they have an aunty who cares. Thank Goodness. I think you hate her for doing what (deep down) you know you should be doing. Calling a spade a spade and kicking his filthy little child molesting butt out. How can your kids ever relate to you again whilever you stay with him. Get real. They're not hooked on him like you are.

[Portia]

Somebody, I’m not angry, not angry at all. I’m sad. You’re projecting your anger.
 
You can’t necessarily heal today’s adult, but you can easily stop the abuse being perpetuated on today’s children. Today’s abused children are tomorrow’s abusers. The cycle stops first with the children. Protecting the children is top priority.

I pointed you to another board because it’s clear you’re not welcome here. Why? Because we don’t agree that your sister is the problem. We don’t think your problem belongs here. This may be incorrect; you may have an N problem. But this is not at the root of your problems right now. Get help. Go to that board, go on! Go! Come back when you are able to conduct yourself with empathy for people here, people who have suffered greatly from sexual and emotional abuse. Until you can really empathise, and not simply use the word ‘empathy’, you do not belong here. Sorry. And I disliked the way you patronised MM back there. I felt indignant on her behalf.

No, I’m still reading and that’s not enough from me:

I am now completely sure that I must be dishonest and keep all of these awful secrets and hold whatever pain I have inside or, risk another and repeated attack by ignorant, discourteous, angry, unwilling to empathize persons who "think" they know what they would do in such a situation.

This is childish, petulant, poor-me bollocks. It’s also crazy-making illogic. Hey, thanks for giving me an opportunity to recognise it! I’m not angry Somebody, I’m revolted. Go away. You’ve had my opinion, I’m not going to feed you any more. Just fuck off.

[Learning]

Somebody,

You may have already decided to stop reading here at this board, but I felt like I needed to respond in any case.  I also feel a similar a reaction to your story about your situation that others have expressed.  It is hard for me to understand how you could take your husband back into your house.  Your child has been hurt and she is looking to you for your guidance and love.  You made a mistake by choosing this man in your life even if you did not perpetrate the act.  You need to take the time, most likely a long time, to be consistently on your child's side.  Your child will OF COURSE rebel against you.  How can she know she can trust you.  YOU need to make this about HER!  It seems to me that you are mostly interested in how your H treats you.  

It is always commendable to work on forgiveness...I think that is what we are all really trying to do here at this board.  But...forgiveness does not mean allowing yourself or others to be in a situation where they can be hurt again.  We can forgive a murderer...but heck he is staying in prison as far as I'm concerned.  Is it possible that he may be changed and never do it again.  Yes it is possible...but I still believe he is better off in prison.

And that brings to mind the idea that you aren't necessarily helping H either by letting him off the hook so easily.  Where is his opportunity to learn?  Are you sure he is always telling you the truth?  Is there any other indications of him being untruthful?  He did lie to you for many years by not admitting about this sexual encounter with your child.  What's up with that?  I believe that people often need a reason to change their deviant behavior and you are offering him no reason.  He can just lie to you anytime he wants and still have your support, love and well a "cover" in case he feels like doing it again to another child.  I would be interested to know what he does for his job.

Somebody, I know you have been hurt...and I feel bad for you as a little girl going through horrible stuff.  I feel bad for you that you became an adult without the ability to discern who is loving and who isn't.  It can be very confusing and scary.  Please let yourself trust some people...a good therapist is a start.  Also, please take some time to read what some of these people have written on this board.  Look at Mighty Mouse, Portia, Les and Bunny's posts.  Please see that they are caring people and very self-aware.  And please take their opinions to heart.  At some point you must see that not everyone else is wrong.

Good Luck and I hope you find some relief from your pain.

Learning

[Anonymous]

I don't believe I showed any anger toward you. I am being straight with you and I am not angry.

You are criticizing us because we naturally became focused on your husband rather than your sister. This is part of the denial that we will focus on your sister, rather than on your husband.

Anger doesn't "turn into hate" -- that simply isn't the case. Anger and hate are two very different things.

The vast majority of us are not married to someone who is molesting children. You can't appeal to people with this argument, it isn't convincing.

You want to talk about your sister but we can't go there because of your husband. It's unrealistic to expect us to accept that your husband is not the problem here, but your sister is. The entire family is the problem and I hope you will find the appropriate venue to get help with it.

bunny

[les]

What a murky swamp this is. Maybe everyone has run away from this post. I considered taking a long break myself.

But Somebody raises some points.  If I read Somebody correctly, it sounds like pedophiles can be helped, maybe cured.  Really? I simply don't know.  But from what I've read it is one of the most intractable disorders. We really do need to 'understand' as Somebody says the nature of the problem -all aspects and expressions of it.  

Somebody says that punishing them is futile. You don't mean all offenders in this category do you?  What about more serious offenses? It sounds like you've done some work in this area.  I pose these questions in the spirit of honest inquiry - not to attack, but to understand as you say. If no punishment, then how about some serious long term behaviour modification program - extensive negative reinforcement for deviant  behaviour that is mandatory. In Canada, even childmolester/ killers can refuse treatment in prison and be out on the street again. We DO not understand the problem and take it seriously enough up here. 'Understanding' only goes so far and with hard core psychopaths my understanding is that nothing works and yet in Canada 2 notorious child molester/killers are due to be released shortly.

To be clear I am not saying your husband is in this category but we can't talk about this problem without looking at the full spectrum.  Recently in Canada a computer software developer got charged up after viewing his child porn collection went out grabbed, sexually assualted and killed a 10year old girl. The court made an effort to understand his behaviour and he cooperated by saying that there was a direct link between his viewing and behaviour. I don't mean to be off at a tangent here but child porn is everywhere now and  there should be enormous prison terms for it - "understanding" the crime can take place inside the prison.

Somebody - I can't imagine you are still here, but just in case - do you really want to spend a life "monitoring" your husband. Clearly you think it is necessary, so it wasn't necessarily a one time thing. It sounds like there was some build up to the 'sexual event/proposal, whatever it was.

I also wonder what you want most, Somebody? Is your daughter comfortable having contact with you and your husband now? I think you said that you would never let him move back until she was comfortable.

Les

[mighty mouse]

I haven't been sexually abused. But I know people who have. And putting gay people into the same category as a sex offender is really off the charts. What a bunch of psychobabble you spew. Sheesh. And you can't distinguish hurt from legitimate anger.

I hope you get a reality check sometime soon.

MM

[mighty mouse]

Wow, Guest.

You really made a lot of the points I was thinking about. Thank you. It seems this woman wanted to blame everyone but the dog for her situation.

And I guess if I ever check into her workplace and need CPR, I had better not check in as Mighty Mouse lol....!!

MM

[nassim]

Sorry Somebody,

The science of this problem is not developing fast enough. It's not keeping up with the problem and the problem is growing because of the ignorance of people in general.

My BS meter went way up with your last post (1st and 2nd too).

If you're so interested in child molestation, why don't you go into the "science" full time and kick H to the curb. I think the problem is growing because of the ignorance of people like you who tolerate it and are more than willing to trade their kids in for the perp. There are a bevy of women so desperate and sick that they are willing to do this.

I don't think your sister is a N. You sound like one to me. Blaming is a key
component of Nism. Really how can your kids trust you? You give them 2 duds as dads and their Mom acts like a frisbee, gee why would they be in trouble and be rebelling? I just can't fathom it.

Oh, yeah. I forgot. HE is a nice sexual predator.......yeah. Lady, you make this man sick. We on this board didn't fall for your BS and so we are the ones with a problem? When you get rid of the bum and quit rationalizing his problem and your problem, maybe you'll be welcome back. Then again, maybe not. And I agree with Portia, I didn't like your patronizing of MM and all of us for that matter.

Nassim

[Anonymous]

[/url]http://mtoomey.com/theshamed.html

I hope this will add a link, I have not done this before.

You've made extreme and incorrect assumptions.
You've twisted my words to suit.
You've missed some key information by not reading clearly and misinterpreting.
All errors we all sometimes make because none of us are perfect.

I am sorry to have upset you.  I had no intention of that whatsoever and I will leave you with this:

Being abused does not negate everyone else's feelings.
We all need our feelings acknowledged and we all need encouragement.

I encouraged my children and focussed on them and made them my priority (and I continue to do so-but I haven't included that information and I am sorry for that).   Our relationships are very much better now that all our "professional help" was dispersed with and we simply began to communicate with eachother, without interference.  I love my children more than life itself and I would die for them.

I protected them by sending my husband away and by seeking help and therapy and whatever guidance I could for them and with them.  I taught them correctly and that is why my child "told" about this past crime, when my younger child started to near the age the older child was, when this originally happened, years ago.    I tell them and have always told them daily how much I love them and encouraged all that is good about them and within them.  But is isn't enough.

There are a few things I will not do for them or anyone else:

I will not cast judgement on a person who begs for forgiveness and who takes responsibility for their behaviour and takes steps to correct it.

I will not go against all I have taught them and allow hate into my home or my life, nor will I ever encourage them that it is an ok thing to carry around, or impose on anyone else.

And I will never, to my dying day, accept that it is alright to twist the truth, add lies to it, and pass it on to others as fact.

You assume so much but I haven't posted what I feel.  Not much of it anyway.  My sister had a right to vent her feelings but no right to do so to destroy me before I was even told about this.  That's when she called my first friend and an ex-family member.  This was to put shame on my shoulders and degrade me.  That was cruel and destructive.  It was viscious and N-ish.  Her feelings ARE more important than anyone else's.  She does not show the protective auntie qualities you are so sure she was demonstrating any more toward my kids.  She does think they "owe" her and they "should baby sit" for her and she ridicules and tries to degrade them, if they do not meet her demands.  And she invades their privacy too.  There is a very long list of stuff about her that fits into the N catagory.

I did my very best to help my kids through this, I tried to help my sister and understand her feelings and behaviour, and I have been through hell trying to forgive my husband, and trying to gain some kind of understanding into his "sick" and beguiling behaviour.  It is not something I would have ever dreamed of doing nor is it something most other people usually do.  But in these circumstances, of which you do not have all the facts, I made my decision.  It was not easy to stomach and I appreciate that it is very hard for you to accept or understand and that it upsets you.

I agree with Les that some kind of real "treatment" is necessary to correct this behaviour.  There is none BECAUSE people are free to refuse it and because of that, our system allows them to go on behaving in this way.

And yes, my husband is classified as a dangerous sexual preditor because there is only one catagory of classification in this country, and by slapping my child on the butt he IS placed in the same bucket with those who have perpetrated horrific deeds upon children, because there is only one bucket-both are considered the same thing- sexual assault.   And I was not comparing gay people to molesters, I was comparing the way our society treats people, and what we believe to be an acceptable way of dealing with those we don't understand.  Prior to that it was people of race and before that, way back, we beheaded anyone who was left-handed, so there is progress, but it certainly is taking awhile.

Please try to get ahold of your emotions and just hear me.  I don't mean to patronize and I am sorry if I am coming across that way.

1 in 4 females have been assaulted in this way.  So no matter where I go, I will be dealing with those who have experienced this.  That means 1 in 4 people on message boards and 1 in 4 therapists.

I'm sorry for that and I am appalled at those numbers.  I have done my best to learn about the effect this has on victims.  I obviously have more to learn but at least I'm trying.

You need to learn that I am a victim too.  This was my child that was violated and the most basic trust I had for my husband.  I made sure my  children were made immediately safe and it took all of my stength to contain my rage and utter despair and try not to panic.

We, as mothers are trying to protect our children but it is not working.  This is happening.
And when it happens, the mothers are getting the blame.  The criminals are refusing treatment and walking away.  And the victims, are not healing because our "therapists" encourage all of us to wallow in misery.

1 in 10 men have done this or are doing it.  1 in 10.  I can't get these numbers out of my head.  I'm not the only one who's married to these men, I'm just one who is aware of it.

How do I know my husband is telling me the truth?  How do you know yours is?

What if this were your son who did this to your child?  These are terrifying questions to answer.

This subject evokes such distress in all of us.  It is "sick" behaviour and I don't know if the worst offenders can be "cured".  I doubt that very much.  People must be punished for their behaviour but I am saying that by the time their behaviour is detected, it is too late for the victim.

I want to protect children from this.  I've seen such horrors because of it.  All I know is there has to be a better way of stopping it from happening to begin with, and that must come from understanding it.

We'll never understand what we don't acknowledge and we are not being realistic by thinking that we can protect our kids.  We can't.  It's going on.  1 in 4.

I will f off now.

[Anonymous]

Being abused does not negate everyone else's feelings.

What does this mean?

We all need our feelings acknowledged and we all need encouragement.

Encouragement to do what, in your case?

I love my children more than life itself and I would die for them.

No one is asking you to die. They are asking you to think about the implications of choosing your H over them. It looks like you've done this, even though you dispute it.

There are a few things I will not do for them or anyone else:

I will not cast judgement on a person who begs for forgiveness and who takes responsibility for their behaviour and takes steps to correct it.

You don't have to cast judgment on him. But you may have to choose between him and them.
 

I will not go against all I have taught them and allow hate into my home or my life, nor will I ever encourage them that it is an ok thing to carry around, or impose on anyone else.

You don't have to hate him. But you may have to choose between him and your children.

And I was not comparing gay people to molesters, I was comparing the way our society treats people, and what we believe to be an acceptable way of dealing with those we don't understand.  Prior to that it was people of race and before that, way back, we beheaded anyone who was left-handed, so there is progress, but it certainly is taking awhile

.

Are you saying that society should *progress* to the point where we aren't prejudiced against child molesters?

1 in 4 females have been assaulted in this way.  So no matter where I go, I will be dealing with those who have experienced this.  That means 1 in 4 people on message boards and 1 in 4 therapists.

Statistics are irrelevant and often wrong. They won't help your situation or change anything about it.

You need to learn that I am a victim too.  This was my child that was violated and the most basic trust I had for my husband.  I made sure my  children were made immediately safe and it took all of my stength to contain my rage and utter despair and try not to panic.

We, as mothers are trying to protect our children but it is not working.  This is happening.
And when it happens, the mothers are getting the blame.  The criminals are refusing treatment and walking away.  And the victims, are not healing because our "therapists" encourage all of us to wallow in misery.

Another specious argument. You aren't a victim since you remain willingly with the perpetrator. You aren't a "mother getting the blame" since you willingly remain with the perpetrator. You seem to take very little responsibility for your choices.

How do I know my husband is telling me the truth?  How do you know yours is?

This is quite a stretch. I don't think most of us secretly have lying, child molester husbands. This is a huge rationalization. Lacks credibility.

I maintain that you are in a lot of denial.

bunny

[mighty mouse]

Somebody,

I've grown tired of your novellas. You don't seem to realize that we don't need every nitpicky detail to make some assessments. The fact of the matter is...you are living with a sexual predator. He didn't serve time in jail for nothing.

The other fact is...you have no place on this board. Please leave us. You are sticking to your convoluted position and seem to want to rail at someone for the situation you find yourself in. You need to look only to yourself for blame in this matter.

MM

[sonia]

You give them 2 duds as dads and their Mom acts like a frisbee, gee why would they be in trouble and be rebelling? I just can't fathom it.
 
It's my opinion in reading all of this that you (somebody) need to get rid of this H or yours and never get married again. You obviously aren't able to pick good men. Maybe that's because of your past or because you still seem to be in deep, deep denial.

You can't really make anything constructive happen with your kids until you admit that you've failed them miserably in giving them bad dads and by not being really circumspect about things after the fact of realizing you are with a molestor (a pat on the fanny - please!!). That right there tells me you are not of this planet in terms of reality.

I don't think anybody here is going to be convinced that we should make the leap to understanding this criminal. Even guys in prison detest child sexual molestors. They are the lowest of the low for even these guys.

I have heard on several different venues that this urge to molest children or anyone is intractible as Les stated. If you were a clinician studying this phenomenon instead of a spouse (choice) here, there would be a very different discussion. You simply are not credible imo. A good mother would get rid of the dude. Your encouragement is okay but lacks empathy for the kids since you are still with this creep. And he is a creep. You sound like one of those women that get involved with murderers in prison and say "well, he's never been anything but nice to ME". This is a sad sorry state of affairs and you are the common thread. Please get some real intervention and quit wasting our time here.

Sonia

[Q's juke joint]

Somebody (or Nobody),

Filth likes to find it's own level. You are now on par with a sex offender. Bravo!.

Now:

The Board has Spoken:

"YOU are the weakest link"!!!!!!!

[Learning]

Look Somebody,

Seems to me you are enjoying this way too much.  What...did the kids and sis get sick of arguing with you?  So you decided to stir up some other folks?  Looking for a little supply any way you can take it?

Take the advice and move on.  Nobody here needs this grief.

[Anonymous]

Hey, anybody (no not you Somebody   ), just a few thoughts I had about Somebody and her situation. I won't bother responding to Somebody's BS again. I don't 'FEEL' there's any point.  

But I noticed the kids spoke to her sis, not her. Why is that not suprising?  She's an impenetrable wall of cold L/A steel. Shielded by her own BS. I get the picture that Somebody is a love-addict and a cold controlling deaf parent, absorbed and caught up in her own needs and desires. The kids. Ah! The poor kids.

It's no wonder the kids told aunty and not their own mother. I suspect that Aunty listens. And I think Somebody can't stand that. Bet Aunty has watched Somebody neglect her kids for years, but Aunty has always been there. The loving sis. Well so Somebody said, anyway.

But this was the last straw for Aunty. Aunty blew a gasket. Good onya Aunty. I'm not gonna tell Aunty there were better ways to go about it. She's human and from what I gather was very effective.

Aunty's protective maternal instincts rose to the fore. She's not gonna stand by and and observe anymore. She's gone in, boots and all, police, family friends.  hahahahahahaahahahahah ONYA Aunty, for kickin' slimy child molester butt. .    More power to her.

Those bullshit stats Somebody presented would be mightily lowered if there were more Aunties like her around. Hip Hip Hooray. And Aunty is validating the kids feelings of hatred. Hooray! Thank goodness somebody is! That must drive Somebody insane.

Funny how much love and forgiveness Somebody is able to provide to this pervo guy who's shagging her, but can't find any for the woman who is providing much needed emotional support to Somebody's kids. Very curious. NOT!

Maybe Aunty is emotional. Maybe she isn't. I'd be more extreme than Aunty. But hey, I didn't read she's a mental health worker. She's been confronted with a horrible, dreadful family situation and she's doing what she feels is best with whatever her resources and abilities and skills are.

And I'm glad Aunty was responsible, and old El-creepo didn't end up getting away with it. Well he did get away with it. But he didn't get away with not being found out. He's caused so so much harm. But he's getting his.

Somebody said something like this, "He wouldn't do it again. He knows it's not worth. And he knows how lucky he is that I stayed with him. Another woman might have divorced him." Bucket please, barf barf. Can anyone believe that these kids mother said that. Read carefully. He knows it's not worth it.

Yeah, another caring feeling heartful woman-mother.

WTF! What a cold callous heartless disinterested frozen brain thing to say. I didn't hear, he knows it's evil. HUH!

How about, "He's not sorry he did it, he's just sorry he got found out." That's how I interpret her words. It's not worth what happens when you get found out, is it. hahahahahahaah what a joke.

Yeah, let Somebody live on with old child-molester in lala- land. He's a marked man. So's she now for that matter. This'll stick like the shit it is. And she thinks he's lucky cause she didn't divorce him. How arrogant!!!!!!

Cause she didn't do what was right and good for her kids. She's so great, so fantastic and he's so lucky to have her stand by him.

Hey I always thought the natural instinct was to move away when you smell a turd. Not towards it, and embrace it. Doesn't somebody know if you hug turd you end up smelling like turd. Some people.    

"He's so lucky to have me standing by him and he knows it"    Rewind - Shame it didn't read, "My kids know they are so lucky to have me standing by them. I'm glad they know it."

Shame they'll never know that type of love from mother, but mother can't give the guy up. Not even for the best reason in the world. She said she'd die for her kids. Heard it all before. Cahnces of her having to do that are about 1/10,000,000. So big empty comment there. She just can't live for them and do the right thing by herself and them and get rid of the problem.

Poor pathetic Somebody, travelling cyber-world looking for support, because nobody in her real world can understand her stupidity and foolishness.

People are sickened in her real world by her attitude and choices.

Well    we're real people here too you know. So guess what?
We're sickened too. Isn't that good.    

I don't think Somebody really sees that what happened was so bad. She's trivialised it. I think that what bothers Somebody is that her pride is wounded because everybody knows now what a totally selfish, love-addicted rotten mum she is.

Somebody can't see the truth. She's come here looking to off-load her shit. But she's not interested in anyone's opinions if they don't agree with hers. So we are all supposed to have no idea, and just hate sis and the kids and love her and her shaggy sicko pervo H. Oh, sorry folks, no can do.

hey, you wanna know what I think? I think the kids knew if they told Mommy Dearest, she would put a lid on it somehow. Bully, bulldoze, taalk down/over. Look at her posts here. Imagine kids having to wade throughand make sense of  that lot. No, she'd find a way to get them to 'Hush it up' . You know, I think she'd have successfully convinced them that there were her 'Privacy' issues!

I gotta give it to those kids. 3 cheers. They certainly blew the roof off that little shithouse. Good on ya' kids for taking it to someone who would do something about it.

And did I read in her latest diatribe that her relationship with her kids was never better, or was I dreamin'. hahahahahahahah Well then, what was all that other bullshit about? Ever seen a snake? Slithering all over the place. Somewhat resembles Somebody's ever changing facts. Oh well    I guess all types come to his board.

Hey, I  spewed at Somebody telling me that 'facts' stats about child abuse. Yeah, most (not all) child abuse wouldn't occur if parents were more responsible, and doing their job properly, and vetting who their children are with.

Hey, I like how they had a good relationship and sex life till Aunty blew the lid off their little love-nest, and the world found out.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
Didn't worry him obviously up till then, her not knowing, I mean.

Oh well, at least the kids know he stinks, and are free to thnik and say so. At least she wasn't able to silence them. Once again. Good onya kids for going to a listening person.

I wonder what the kids will say later when they find a forum like this to vent and try to work through the guilt and emotions and confusion and loss .

Might go something like this,

My step-father tried to have sex with me/my sister/brother and I told my aunt. I couldn't tell mum. I knew she wouldn't listen. Aunty went ballistic , got police involved. He went to court, was labelled a sexual predator. But mother stayed with him, and loves him, and has forgiven him and can't understand why we all hate him, and her, for staying with that sicko creep. I had to move out, he/they made me that sick.

They're still together and I can't understand why she chose to stay with him. She chose him over us.

My problem is this. I always feel like I don't count. I feel like worthless mud. I don't look after myself properly and I don't care about myself. Why? I guess it's because of how my mother loved a revolting child-molester more than me/us. She made me feel like a child molester was better to love and care for than her own child.

The lowest form of human life was suddenly more worthy, more imprtant than me. Than me, her child. I find I do battle with those feelings of inferiority everday. I am weighed down with the thought "I'm not even as good or lovable as a child molester." I'm trying to heal and get over the shocking reality that my mother gave him the love and priority and support that was meant for and needed by me/us.