This is so weird. In some ways my mom is not nearly as bad as some of you have suffered through, but she is weird nevertheless. I guess I wouldn't be on this forum if she were "normal", now would I?
I live in the southern U.S., where traditionally Thanksgiving dinner is served at noon or early afternoon. However, this year my husband's brother and his family are coming to T'giving, and won't arrive til mid-afternoon T'giving day. (Because they live so far away, and have to work the day before). So, we are having our T'giving dinner as the evening meal, around 6 or 7.
When my mother first found out about this, she started getting all worked up. Started sniping at me, telling me I was making all these changes and what other changes did I have in mind, etc. I said, there are no changes! We just have to have dinner when the guests are able to be there. She began to argue with me, and basically was starting to get me confused ... I was dumbfounded that this would upset her! When she started arguing and being weird, I abruptly said, Umm I have to go I'll talk to you later. And then I didn't call her for a week.
Well, this morning I talked to her. Other family members will be coming in on Friday (day after Thanksgiving), and she said why don't we just have Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. I said no, I'm planning to have it at dinnertime on Thanksgiving Day. She said well then she and my stepfather won't come. I asked why, she was vague ... said it was too late to eat such a big meal. She offered to make the dressing, but I said no, if y'all aren't coming, I can do it.
I didn't get mad, and really she didn't seem mad either, but her reasoning seems stupid. Actually this is not the first time she has gone ballistic over the timing of the Thanksgiving meal. Years ago, she lived much further away, and we drove about 7 hours pulling an RV, with four kids, and were not going to get there til mid afternoon. She got mad then because we were not going to get up early enough to be there by noon (although my husband had to work the day before, and besides nobody on earth could convince him to get up that early so it was not really my choice). Back then I got mad back (I didn't know about N). Then we had a big fight over the phone ... stupid.
I guess if it weren't for 1) the incident years ago, and 2) the fact that she got sooo angry and worked up when the "schedule change" was even suggested, I would think that her reasoning had to do with the fact that she and my stepfather are elderly and maybe their digestion isn't so hot late in the evening. But a flexible person would say something like, "Well, we'll eat earlier in the day and come out for dessert" or something like that.
This is so stupid! Those of you in Britain or Europe eat late all the time! It's not like it will make you sick! And I'm suggesting a 6 or 7 p.m. dinner, not a 10 p.m. dinner! And, why is she OK with eating Thanksgiving dinner the day AFTER the holiday but not with eating it in the evening?????
This is just one of those things that she has a "thing" about.
Well, after I showed her that I was not mad but that I also was keeping Thanksgiving dinner when I said I was having it, she kind of backed down and said, "Well, we'll see what happens as it gets closer." She's not a hard-nose N like my aunt or like some moms you guys have experienced ... although as soon as I say that she's gonna call me and ream me out, I just know it
.
I am also having heartbreak in other areas. I mentioned that my DIL and her mother both appear to be Ns. I am pretty sure that the DIL lacks the ability to examine herself and reflect on her actions, I've come to that conclusion since my last post about it. My husband and I have had to stand up to the DIL and her family on some issues (including the fact that the DIL's family is up in her and my son's butt all the time, they have no privacy and the DIL's mother appears to be in control of that household) ... and now we are being treated as if we were the Great Satan. My son works nights and sleeps days, and doesn't spend very much time at home and awake (maybe that's how he's standing it) ... and the DIL is making it extraordinarily difficult to see the baby. My son actually had to call in sick to work the other night because his own paternal grandmother had driven 5 hours to see the baby and the DIL wouldn't make time for the great-grandmother on our side to see the new baby.
Our hearts are hurting. The only good part I can see about my mother being the way she is, is that I have some experience dealing with this kind of person. But I do believe that in my son's wife and in-laws, I'm dealing with more serious sickness than exists in my own mother. It makes me sick inside to think about it.
