The most important I am learning with this man, is that I am realizing through what he does to me, I did those things in the past to others. Worst, I did it to my son. Not because I am N, I am not N, I am learning. Ns do not learn. But becasue when you are not heard you do not know how to hear others. It is like being deaf. How can you recognize sounds you have never heard?
This man does not want to do things unless he wants. It does not matter that I want. I did that to my son. I remember one time he was sad and he wanted me to take him to the movies and he cried and cried and I just did not have the energy. Always exhausted and broke. I did not do the effort. I left hin crying and took a nap. I did not know how to hear him because I was never heard. I did not know how to pamper him because I was never pampered. Even now I do not know how to pamper becuase I never was. Now I know that my son was voiceless. But gosh, I loved him so mcuh and I adore him. Just because of my love we were saved. He is doing fine becasue of love. Becuase despite of my ignorance I really love him.
