Like a 16-ton anvil that has kept me pressed to ground has been lifted off of me.
No more ball & chain slowing me down; holding me back.
Like I know the taste of being whole and FREE. Like riding Lady Godiva style, bareback, racing the wind.
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Circumstantially, anyway. I still suffer from intense dreams about the various relationships I've been unwittingly entangled in. And it's because I think deep down I disagree with your description of the PD relationship's "power" and where it really emanates from. (Rationally, anyway).
PD people don't have any real power, to my way of thinking. And it's precisely that reason behind the elaborate machinations and schemes and tit for tat juvenile "revenge" games they play. Healthy people most always ignore -- and are unaffected by the PDs of the world.
It's US who have the power and unfortunately give away too much of it -- trading our souls to satan - making bad bargains for even the illusion of love and relationship. We simply didn't know any better, most of us who had awful parenting. Or were too trusting. Or too inexperienced. Or wanted to believe that surely people only have our best interests in mind. That people are truthful and honest about themselves.
Our power is in the knowledge that there is such a thing as unconditional love - that forgives all things and always knows the "best things" for us. Our HOPE, even, that there are others like us and that we'll be able to "give away" that hope & love secure in the knowledge that it will be returned. Sometimes this kind of "trade" does happen and works out. Happily ever after.
But when we give this power away to PD-person... oh boy. Katie bar the door. They don't understand the giving-back; it's never enough or perfect enough for them; and when you give them an inch -- they take a mile. And damn it, sometimes they forget to wear the warning that should be printed on their faces --
Caution! This person is devoid of all compassion or empathy and will completely destroy your ability to perceive reality and think for yourself. Do not feed the inappropriate, insatiable abyss of needs of this person and keep your distance.
The antidote to PD-poisoning is lot like rabies shots. It's quite painful to realize that all this time, I had the power to completely change whether I was under that anvil or free. I certainly didn't realize it, because I "drank the PD kool-aid" and believed what I was told about myself from a person who was delusional.
Then, there was the phase when I wouldn't listen and pushed back against what others told me about myself. HA! They don't know me, I self-soothed.
Then, I started to listen. I started see what I had in common with others. I still feared any and all encounters with personalities or even just traits that seemed PD. Avoiding that was necessary in this phase, while I was sorting things and my self, out.
Now, I don't really even think about it that much -- in those terms. I'm rediscovering my instinctive self (and trying to fix that self's dysfunctional mental/emotional tics) and am learning to "just be". Yep - I still struggle with things and some things still don't come easy or natural to me. Practice.... is it's own reward.
That's my opinion, based on my experience, anyway.
I certainly know that there ARE bad people out there and even being as careful as one can -- it's still possible to get sucked into those vortexes and overpowered. I'm training myself to never ever be in that position again -- but if I am -- I have other choices than to simply give up now. Most of that training is mental and emotional.
