new chapter -- please send light

[lighter]

Oh Hops:

Just when I was really and deeply questioning my lifestyle choices (shouldn't I be dating/remarrying/providing my children with a father, and male/female relationship models?) your reflections bring me some peace.   I'll try to slow and stop the reflexive chemical dump I have every time my youngest asks me to "find me another Daddy."  Ouch.

As painful as it is to empathize with your heart, as a mother, I learn from your journey.  It's been a gift, and I have no doubt that everyone walking the earth would make different choices, looking back.  That's what it is to be human.  We learn from our mistakes, we atone (or not) and we do better when we can.  Your heart wants to atone.  Your heart wants to heal, and that's a gift your daughter may unwrap in her own time. 

Think about what that gift would have meant had your mother been able to offer it to you.  It's a very special gift, Hops, and you can only do what you can do.  The serenity prayer comes to mind here.

I love the idea of you caring for yourself, nurturing a cozy garden again, creating sacred space in your little nest, Hops.  This place of safety and love you create will be there for your child  when she's ready, Hops......

and she knows that too.

Another gift.

Lighter

 

[Twoapenny]

Hey Hopsie,

I sent my mum a birthday card yesterday.  I've not contacted her in five years now, except to threaten her with an injunction if she kept hassling me.  Some of the things I've been angry about in the past - things to do with my childhood - weren't really her fault, they were just bad decisions.  I think part of my growth, as an adult, has been to see that we all get it wrong sometimes, and that's just how it goes.

The deliberate abuse - and her refusal to deal with the abuse her husband was dishing out to me - have been much harder to accept, come to terms with, deal with and move past.  But your posts about your D have made me realise that I wanted to let go of the past, to move on without it controlling my life and to lift myself out of the groove that was created by all the bad things that happened when I was young.  I don't want to be in contact with my mum, but I do want to feel that I've finished with 'all that'.  Sending the birthday card symbolised, for me, letting go of the past and moving into the future, even though I don't know what the future holds and I find that kind of scary.  I'm hoping in some way that action, that shift, will somehow move the universe/cosmos/God, whatever belief system any of us have, around one more notch and bring your D a step closer to letting go of the things that are holiding her where she is right now.

Smiley light thoughts being sent your way xx

[Hopalong]

Beth, Tupp, Lighter, PR, and Tupp again--

You are the mercy seat.

I can't express how lifting, reassuring, and most of all KIND your responses are.

Thank you. From deep in my heart, thank you.

You have each one given me not only perspective but...how do I put it...like a comforting, full-eye-contact, reassurance that is so very meaningful. I know that coming from you, given all you each have been through, forgiveness of a witless mother with her own Nspots, is valuable beyond describing.

(And Tupp, that you sent your feckless mother a birthday card, with your own spark of forgiveness, brought me tears.)

MUCH love to all of you (off to try to negotiate like an Amazon with brass balls, I mean eggs, for a used car).

hugs,
Hops

[lighter]

........ (off to try to negotiate like an Amazon with brass balls, I mean eggs, for a used car).
hugs,
hops

Well, I'm hoping you got the car you needed, and at the price you wanted, Hops.

In any case,

....::raising a (fig.) spear  to acknowledge your struggle, intestinal fortitude, and ability to persevere in the face of overwhelming rhetoric from a used car salesman pretending to ask his manager if he can "go any lower."::

......I'm with you in spirit.

Let us know how it went.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

My brass eggs were clanking so loudly it gave the salesman a headache.
It was a grueling day but I wound up with a decent vehicle at a good price.
Haggled and held firm.

However, I also felt the salesman was a good egg, no pun intended,
and times have been hard for anyone in/near the auto industry. The
independent mechanics who checked 2 vehicles out for me are also very
trustworthy. (Steered me away from one that would've been a big mistake
and reassured me about the one I chose.) So this morning I wrote thank-
yous and testimonials, and CC'd their bosses, etc. That felt good.

All in all, it turned out very well.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Glad the car struggle's out of the way, Hops.

What did you end up with?

Lighter

[Hopalong]

A used CRV.

Astonishing what they go for, even with pretty high mileage...but it's got a great rep for longevity. I got it for the lowest-end Kelley Blue Book value. They're scarce and I don't think I'd have had a chance at it except that it had been traded in the day before...hadn't even been "checked in." The salesman went tearing around in the boiling heat to get it washed/vacuumed, etc. So timing was fortuitous (they also were counting Jul. 1 as still the "end of the month" for their June quota, so that was lucky too).

It had "Mom's taxi service" stickers in the cup holders and is the highest-end version. So I fantasized about a well-to-do soccer Mom who serviced it regularly. The mechanic wasn't into fantasies but gave it a reality-based thumbs-up.

(I had newer notions but remembered: drywall or better wheels?) Dave Ramsey will never know how much to heart I take his advice. It was his inspiration that got me to sell my previous car and drive a true beater for two years. Glad I did. Car = can on wheels for going one place to another, not an identity thing.

I admit I like it, though--and it's a purty deep blue. The glam white newer one I was considering (briefly) was nearly double what I spent on Ole Blue.

My fav feature is the moonroof. But for some very strange reason, it also has a built-in picnic table in the back, I kid you not.


Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I was hoping you'd name the car, Hops. They are loyal, (mostly uncomplaining) friends.

Now, the picnic table is bonus gravy!! That'll open some up some possibilities...

[Hopalong]

Definitely.
Seducing geezers.



Hops

[gratitude28]

We bought a used CRV and it was a fabulous little car! It had high mileage but no issues ever!

[sKePTiKal]

Definitely.
Seducing geezers.



Hops

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

('scuse me... I have to run to the restroom now... I haven't laughed that hard, since... I didn't see it coming...)

I wish you good hunting, Hops!

[lighter]

Glad you're happy with it, Hops.

Hopefully that deep blue color won't be too hot in the summer. 

Surely it'll look clean longer after washing.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

To clarify -

my inner "flirt" isn't dead... I'm just not allowing her much play time lately... so I'm positively pleased that you might be willing to go there and it suggests perhaps it's time for me - to just stop thinking so damn much... and have a little fun.

[Izzy_*now*]

hiya Hops,

I don't see any years mentioned, but my car is 23 years old. I bought it when it had been used for 2 years by a salesman (1991), as it was the best 2-door for a wheelchair. It has just over 170, 000 miles on it, like a 4? year old car?

If i live long enough for another car I will buy whatever I want, as I plan on the quick release axles for a new 'chair and the chair comes apart in pieces that I can put on the passenger seat!

xxoo
iz

[Hopalong]

Izz, so good to hear you.

And I LOVE people who take care of their vehicles and get them waaaaay up there in mileage.
You have many many miles to go, I believe, my dear.
And I hope more of them are pain free. Or at least pain bearable.

(I was offered a friend's 300,000 mile car for a week...)

It's like having one of those amazing cats that lives to be 25. Generates a sort of awe.

Like you do.

love to you,
Hops