Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Why do we feel so guilty over NC?

<< < (4/7) > >>

Hopalong:
http://www.ehow.com/how_5909952_report-harassing-mail-postmaster-general.html

This indicates that your emotional distress is enough to justify a report.

I think I'd do it. You deserve your serenity.

love
Hops

JustKathy:
Thanks for the link Hops! I've bookmarked it and will hold onto it in case it becomes necessary to use it.

For the time being, I'd prefer not to do something that drastic because I know that it's EXACTLY what she wants me to do. She wants the ammunition to cry to friends and family about what a horrible thing I did to hurt a poor woman who is close to death. A few years back, when she was first diagnosed with "four weeks to live," she sent me this package containing about $50 worth of junk costume jewelry, along with an over-the-top maudlin letter that said I had always been her favorite child, and that she wanted to leave her beloved daughter her treasured jewelry. She then had my sister email me to reiterate that the house, the bank acounts, and remaining possessions were all being willed to the GC. It was a set-up. I'm convinced that she was hoping I would blow up, and in my anger, send back the cheap jewelry so she could cry to everyone about how I had ripped out the heart of a dying woman. So I tossed the package in a drawer and haven't looked at it since.

For the time being I want to do something that will give ME some satisfaction, namely, leaving her with egg on her face. She volunteers for the local police department and considers herself an honorary cop, even calls herself a CSI. Right now she's sitting there gloating, bragging on her policewoman skills by telling everyone that she found me. I want to burst that bubble. Filing a restraint order will confirm that she did indeed find me and is getting under my skin and, well, back to that self-gratification analogy ...

The other unknown is whether or not she really does have terminal cancer. If she does, I'd like to be able to call "checkmate" on her before she kicks off. If it turns out that she's faking the cancer, and the harassment persists, then I'll consider the next step.

What I find so frustrating about dealing with these issues today, as opposed to ten years ago, is that little thing called Google. It's become so easy to track someone down and stalk them. I refuse to hide, and make my Twitter and Facebook accounts private, or not have a blog, or not sell on eBay, or not have an online store, or any of the things that make it easy for a person to track my movements. I do take some precautions, like specifying Facebook posts and photos as being for "friends only," but still, Google can turn up so many things. It's hard, because I'm always juggling things and trying to strike a balance between living a normal life and trying to stay hidden. I hate it. But I guess it's something that we all have to contend with. Even people who don't use social media can be easily located. The Internet has given us so much (like this group), and at the same time, has taken so much away.

Twoapenny:
I think the good thing is that you have options, Kathy, it helps to know there are different ways to deal with things and if one thing doesn't work there's something else to try.

A long time ago now, someone told me that the best form of revenge is to live a really happy, healthy life.  I've tried really hard over the years to do just that.  Sometimes it feels a bit one step forward and two back, but on the whole I'm making progress and my life is in a much better state now than it used to be.  It was what you were saying about the internet that made me think of it, places like Facebook are great for crowing about how happy you are, how lucky you are to have such a fab husband, how blessed you are to have a good job/nice home and so on :)  I know my mum (and other members of my family) are at their happiest when I'm in a bind so it always makes me smile when I think of someone telling them how great I'm doing.  I think eventually you'll get to a point where you'll think "They know where I am.  So what?"  And, as Phoenix said, where something can arrive in the post and you either pass it on or throw it away without thinking twice about it.  It's nice when you get to that stage :)

JustKathy:

--- Quote ---A long time ago now, someone told me that the best form of revenge is to live a really happy, healthy life.
--- End quote ---

That sure is true with Ns, isn't it? My NM has always hated that I had a good life and lived well ... not riches, but my own home, a car, a good job ... things that she couldn't stand me having. I know that if she could have one dying wish, it would be to see me fail, to end up poor, homeless, and in failing health. She's not going to get that wish. Even if I were to fall on hard times, I'd never give her the satisfaction of knowing about it. Instead, I'd chat with friends on Facebook about my "new Mercedes," and let her head spin around like Linda Blair's.  :P

gratitude28:
It took me a long time to realize that the boxes that arrived were just boxes... full of "stuff" (and some of it was pure junk...)... and that this stuff was as emotionally neutral as a box of rocks. And since for the longest time Mom wouldn't listen to me, understand that my house was stuffed to the gills, I didn't want/need any more STUFF - no matter whose it was - and she thought/believed/that her version of who I am would want this stuff - because she DOESN'T know me... only her crazy, made up version of me... which is more her than me...

This resonates with me so much... I had a shocking realization too one day. And I remember one day I was in th pantry, and there was a food I don't especially like, and I had this weird thought, "I could make it for the kids." And that is one of her thoughts - if she doesn't like it, make it for someone else or give it to someone else. For Christmas she made us these crappy bracelets with cheap beads and didn't even finish them off, so when you went to put it on, the beads spilled all over the floor. She thought that was funny.  For herself she buys beautiful, expensive beads and jewelry and hoards it and thinks people are jealous of her.

BTW - whatever the item was in the pantry, I think I threw it away, b/c I like to make my kids happy. I don't give them things they don't want - except vegetables :)

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page