Just a thought

[Emotional_Cripple]

Hello everyone, it's me EC. I am the one who won the lottery and ended up with an Nfather. Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone had this thought. What happens to the mind of an N when they begin to realize that they are dependent on other people. Someone normal would think, thats wonderful at least I am a good enough person to deserve to have such great children. But an N would think that I am wonderful and I deserve their admiration and loyalty. They owe it to me and it is MINE. And that really sucks but it will always exist.

In order to survive, and I don't mean suffering under their warped sense of reality, we need to acknowledge that they see a totally different world. And that is fine. But we have a weapon that they do not possess. We know that they are ill. They do NOT. This is the only thing we can use that they can't so we do possess the upper hand. Sounds devious, doesn't it. Well too bad, what the hell have they been doing to us for all our lives.

So this is what I am gonna do. I am going to keep him high. Pump him up. Make it look like he is important. Do not counter his arguement in public or private. Even when you know it's a blatant lie, exageration, or a personal hypocracy, do not say anything. If something does not go his way, explain to him why it was not his fault. So here I am thinking, hey he isnt stupid, he will catch on. But you know, he won't. He reads it differently. I mean in all these issues we would interact in one way or another. So take the path of least resistence. After all, you will never be perceived the way you want to, so why try.

Anyways, enough venting for now. I just needed to get that out. Have a good one!

EC (The person formally known as Emotional_Cripple)

[Emotional_Cripple]

Oh, BTW, I appreciate that I can feel free to jump in here whenever I want and thanks for letting me in to your little reality.

EC

[OnlyMe]

Hi EC,
I've tried your idea, too, with my NMom, and it is sad but true : they love it, and it is the path of least resistance.  I sometimes feed her with the flattery she needs to hear, and now I am able to see her act out the NPD like a textbook case.  I find it very draining, though, because I am not being true to myself when I do it.  However, with a NPD parent, I find that whatever works at the time, whatever gets us through today, is the thing to do.  
Good for you.  Great perspective.  Thanks for sharing.  We all need all the coping tools we can get!

[Anonymous]

I think it's a good idea to take the path of least resistance.

bunny

[ResilientLady]

Hi EC, this path of least resistance is a very good idea. I have been using it all my life, in any situation (   without even being aware of it... ).
However beware of the potential abuse you may encounter when dealing with an N. And be prepared for it (boundary settings, etc..).
BTW did the list of I wrote in your previous thread give you any inspiration as to how to deal with abuse??  
-RL

[Anonymous]

Hi EC and all,

Here is another thought.  How about we don't pander to the Ns in our lives?  We don't pump them up, we don't lie and don't feed their bloated egos.  And when they turn the conversations to themselves, we steer it off in another direction.  I started to do that with my Nmom.  Of course she didn't like it one bit, but it felt pretty good to me.    

[Singer]

Hi All,

That's where I draw the line. I simply cannot feed NM's ego by flattery and pumping her up. I've seen so many others do it and I see how she feeds on it, and it makes me sick. For myself the path of least resistance is playing it straight. I see to the physical needs that I can help with since my NM is elderly but that's it. I can't think of one single good reason to play to her vanity. Am I missing something?

Singer

[Anonymous]

Well, if you're missing something Singer then so am I. For me to flatter my NM just to keep her ego inflated and off my back would be like betraying myself.
I will look after her physical needs as she gets older (she's 82) but to pander to her fragile, grandiose, fake sense of self; forget it.
Karin.

[Dawning]

I can see flattering my parents up to a point.  And have done so, in the past, hoping to win/earn their love.  But the personal power I expended in doing so kept me from using it for other more positive pursuits.  If flattering them is a positive option for you,  please take care that you don't end up exhausted afterwards and depressed b/c they have a way of taking the ball and running with it as far as they can.  I'm not sure they even know what they are doing.  I am very careful with my Nfamily now and give my power to them in measured doses.

[Tai Blossom]

EC,

If you are now an adult that doesn't live live with your parents anymore, which is seems like, I would consider limiting contact and setting up boundaries.

You might get emotionally tired of playing the game with your Nfather. They can play forever and never get tired. He would probably be feeling complete bliss if you fed what drives his nism, but if you would be doing this often, it might frustrate and drain you as an ongoing thing.

If you have very little contact, like for holidays and such, then maybe that might be a coping mechanism to get through those times.If it is everyday, ongoing contact, then again, I'd consider changes in the amount of time  spent with and communication with N.

I know it's very frustrating and terribly sad, because it is your parent after all

[Anonymous]

You know, with my dad (who I don't think is an N - just married to one) I just listen, shake my head yes, never argue, just let him talk.  I think he is voiceless, too.  My mom won't let him talk or have a point of view.

With nmom, I don't think that will work.  And I KNOW I am NOT going to throw adoration her way like everyone else does.  I guess I could do better at just shaking my head yes and not arguing with her - but oooh, ahhh?  No.

Like someone said, I know it's an act.  I know she's a phoney.  I know she is not everything that everyone "thinks" she is......................and for awhile I thought I might try to burst her bubble.  Undermine her a little bit.  I figure it just makes me look bad.

So I won't take her sh** but I will be gracious and smile.

Does that sound ok?  Kelly