Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Bullying
sunblue:
Hello Everyone:
Thank you all so much for your support. I can't tell you how grateful I am. Thank you Debkor and Mud for the advice on reporting. Just thought I'd give you an update.
Today was pretty ugly at work. My controlling boss threw a fit about something that was her fault and blamed me. She insulted me and made it clear she was angry I was honest about something related to a project.
Today I also decided to summon the courage and talk to my CEO. I was calm and collected and attempted to talk about my situation. It was clear that he in no way sees my boss as doing anything in the slightest wrong. She supports all her decisions (even when he's not aware of them). It's clear that she's gone to him and convinced him not to follow through on his promises to me and to turn my job into something I didn't sign up for. This is compounded by the fact that this other job I'm doing (totally outside of the scope of my real job) is something that is critical to him. It's a project that our Board of DIrectors is making him accountable for to get right. So bottom line, they're using me to get this other project done. I tried describing all these ways she's marginalizing me and minimizing me but he is clueless. He in no way views her as doing anything inappropriate. If she told him to jump off the bridge, he probably would.
Because of this bigger project, they won't fire me because they need me to do all the work. In the meantime, she will continue to minimize me and marginalize me. Now that we had this difficult exchange this morning, it will get worse. I know that completely.
I have documented things but an attorney has told me that essentially this kind of thing is legal. Unless they torment you based on discrimination, like race, sex, ethnicity, etc. pretty much everything else they do is within their rights....for at-will states. The attorney said I could try and fight it but chances aren't good I would get unemployment. And my employer never ever would agree to pay unemployment. In fact, in the past when they've let people go, they trump up a case so no unemployment is paid. They've won every time.
So running out of options. Of course, I'm aggressively job hunting....but I won't be able to put up with this much longer. I'm taking vacation time (but they still want me to participate in multiple meetings from home) and by the time I return, I must make a decision about resigning.
Since I've been ostracized by others, no one speaks to me (unless is necessary for work) and it's just a sad sad situation.
Well, thank you again. Even though I've never met any of you, you've all been kinder to me than anyone in my offline world. Know how much I appreciate it. Bright blessings for a great holiday.
mudpuppy:
Well you talked to him and, as you predicted, he's clueless.
It's easy to give you advice on this and that but of course it's much different when it's just you against a whole organization which has turned a deaf ear to you.
If you do go it sounds like they're going to realize they have a good sized hole to fill.
mud
BonesMS:
If you do decide to leave, these clueless N's will probably quickly learn the old saying:
"Karma's a bitch and paybacks are hell!"
When I was bullied out of my position that I had worked in for 26 years, I was eligible for early retirement and took it. The N-bullies assumed that they could easily replace me with someone young, dumb, and cheap. They discovered, the hard way, that they could NOT. Every applicant they interviewed TURNED IT DOWN because the applicants were smart enough to see how much work load was involved and the low pay the N's were offering them to do that much work. At one point, one of the N's started screaming accusations at the office staff still left...accusing them all of sabotaging HER efforts to replace me. Then the higher ups decided to eliminate my old position completely so that the N-bullies could NOT fill that position. This forced my former immediate supervisor to do all of my old tasks in addition to his own and he discovered, the hard way, that my job was not that simple or easy! End result? He screwed up enough of what I used to do that it embarrassed many of the higher ups. In the end, the two N-bullies, who were unable to point the finger of blame at anyone because ALL of their targets were gone, suffered the consequences of their actions.
Sun, I'm rooting for you because I've been in your shoes and I feel your pain!
Bones
lighter:
Sun?
What happened yesterday?
Are you OK?
Lighter
sunblue:
Mud, Bones and Lighter, thank you for your response.
Bones, I certainly feel your pain. Yes, these Ns they, and they alone, know everything. They don't. Not by a long shot. Even though my conversation with the CEO was painful, it was also enlightening. He is very clueless. He make some comments that clearly showed me he has no understanding of what is going on or that the kinds of decisions my horrible boss is making will not help his business. He assumes this project I'm doing will solve all his business problems. It won't, especially not in the way my boss is ego-managing it.
So, he made it clear he will support whatever my boss wants to do, will turn a deaf ear on her mistreatment of me and basically reneged on his promises to me and expects me to just continue to do all this work that is not part of my job. Nothing will change. In fact, it will be worse. My boss is clearly able to do whatever she wants and he won't take a step to intervene.
At this point I don't see any other way out but to resign. If I don't they will use me to get this big project launched and then I'm sure my boss will find a way to get rid of me since they won't need me to save the day any longer. In the meantime, she'll continue to abuse, humiliate, insult and marginalize me.
Today's my birthday and it was a sad day indeed. Take this situation and add in what has become a more extreme N family situation, and it's pretty hard to remain hopeful. I will no doubt be starting out the new year unemployed......I can only pray I will be able to find new employment relatively soon. I am very worried about that....but the alternative....to be treated like this every day, doesn't seem to be a good option either.
You know......in all of this, I couldn't help wonder, "Are there even more Ns in this world than I thought?" Or is this situation affecting me so negatively because I've grown up with Ns in my life making it even more difficult when you're demeaned and diminished in the workplace? Not sure. Maybe it's both. But I know for sure this boss of mine is N and extremely insecure.
Well, thanks to all of you again. I really appreciate your input and support. I know this has happened to others, even some of you. It's not easy, is it? Hard not to take it personally.
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