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Voicelessness and Bullying

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mudpuppy:
What would be the point of resigning before you talked to the CEO?
The worst that could happen is you'd not be listened to and get canned which is exactly where you'll be if you resign, but without the satisfaction of at least having your say about what a beeyotch this hag is.



mud

sunblue:
Well....talked to my attorney today. He said that Constructive Dismissal is really difficult to prove unless they physically hurt or abuse you.  I could try to apply for unemployment and convince the case worker but no guarantees I'd get it.  I probably will talk to the CEO this week but it is futile. He will back up my boss as she is now second in command.  I am in a really low place.  I feel there's no other way out than to resign....but I know that will lead to hard times in trying to find a new job.  But this is impacting my health now....

I wish they would let me go.....at least I could collect unemployment....but they won't...because they need me to complete a major project.

Sometimes life just seems too hard....

sunblue:
HI Teartracks:

I've been reading a lot online about workplace bullying and about being forced out of a company.  My situation fits those criteria to a tee.  I'm being completely marginalized, minimized, micromanaged and manipulated.  My boss is completely threatened by me and so makes sure I have no voice and am excluded from meetings, discussions and decisions I should be involved in.  I'm tempted to talk to my CEO before making a decision.  He is aware of some of this and has allowed it but other things I'm not sure he is aware of.  Other side of the coin?  I'm not sure what that could be.  Except that if I were so lucky to get another job, I could get out of this toxic situation and perhaps be able to once again do good work.  But I've been aggressively job searching and interviewing for months and nothing yet.

This has always been a toxic environment and company.....but I have worked incredibly hard and done excellent work.....promotions, bonuses, excellent evaluations...I was well respected by the CEO and Board (until my new boss took over).  This is making me physically ill.

Do you think it would be totally insane to resign before getting an offer?  I'm just not sure how much more of this I can take.  It pushes all my Voicelessness buttons.

Hopalong:
Sun, I'm awfully sorry you're suffering this way.

It's hard to call, but my advice for the question you asked is, Don't Quit.

My reason is remembering how desolate you used to be about being unemployed,
and how that lack of independence made it so much harder for you to deal with
your family.

I think I struggle with some of the same stuff. I recognized lately that I take so
many things very very personally. Some ARE (the sexist things at work, given
I'm the only woman in senority...real, prejudicial stuff). But I also let myself
be reactive to things that are NOT about me, but about my insecurity. I have
to talk to myself about the waves of hurt and anger...until I calm myself. I just
went through a wave of it all in November, and in the last few weeks, I'm detached
again. My T keeps reminding me that a job is "a job" and I need to talk to myself
about how it's a CHOICE, and that I go to and perform my job for a reason.

I hate what your supervisor's been doing, but I think Mud's right that talking
to the CEO, regardless of the outcome, is a rational, mature next step. Perhaps
if you present your desire as to benefit the workplace by defusing this situation
in whatever way you can, YOU may be seen as the more valuable employee.

If that's not the outcome, or not possible because of the people/dynamics, then you still will have
advocated for yourself by talking to him/her. It's like, not defining yourself as a victim. Making whatever
choices you CAN make, in the context of the situation.

Forget who, I think Lighter, was also wise to recommend detailed documentation.
Remove the emotional or "hurt" language, just describe...brief summaries of instances.
Just in case the CEO will be impressed by your calm tracking. Even if not, it
will help you feel more empowered to write it all down.

Then, if it's unbearable, my last suggestion would be: Don't Quit Before You
Have Another Job (even a lesser one). Or you'll go from the frying pan into the fire.

Hope that helps,
Hops

Ales2:
Hi Sun,

I am sorry to hear about this. I do agree with many of the posters here, sounds like this is a very dangerous boss and not much can be done with communication or problem solving.  Assuming you agree with me, I suggest you pre-plan the process to move on if necessary but not until you are able to secure a position for yourself. Here is what I would do:

1. Collect all materials (contact lists, sample work product, emails,) that you can legally take with you and take them (or copies) home. Document any and all incidents of issues with the boss and take that home also.

2. Use sick days (two if necessary) and get a medical check up, teeth cleaned, vision checked, meet with therapist (assuming you have insuracne/sicks days) . Relax, Reflect and get this done.

3. Check with an attorney, but I would schedule a meeting cautiously with HR (even if they are buddy-buddy with your boss). Let them know you love your job, the company (explain with a short succinct reason) and wish to remain there. Tell them a competitive environment has now become hostile and request their assistance in solving the problem.  Be simple with your explanation, pick something they can likely help with.

4. When HR comes back with nothing, thank them and let it go. If they come back and attempt to fire you, tell them you will not be fired while attempting to resolve an issue. If they continue with a termination, take it and go to unemployment and file a complaint. Since you sought them out, asked to stay and resolve the issue, you have a case (depending on your state's laws).

5. If you are not fired, continue to do your work as best you can. Let any BS from the boss roll off your back.

6. Now, you are in the drivers seat and have bought yourself some time and possibly feel a bit more empowered.  Now might be the time to address some of the issues, and if not, find some other ways to contribute.  Is there another department for you to work in? Could you transfer to another office? Work for another boss? Assume other responsibilities? If not, thats OK too.  During this time,  keep looking for another job.

7. If another incident comes up, there may nothing more that you can do. If this happens, the only way might be to leave, but do it in a way where they allow you to collect unemployment (it will be partly their fault for not resolving the hostile work environment) and ask for a letter of reference that details your work accomplishments and willingness to cooperate with others and solve problems.

Im an advocate for not leaving, because while no one should put up with workplace abuse, its very hard to prove and there is a way to disempower the abusers through a process that protects you in the end and allows you to leave more on your own terms.

I sincerely hope some or all of this helps and wish you the very best. I was exactly in your shoes five years ago and I do know how draining and unhealthy some work environments can be.

Ales

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