Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Preparing to be assertive!
sKePTiKal:
This part's easier than some others, for me.
You've got to tell people what you expect, what you want... otherwise, you're expecting them to mind-read (and that NEVER works like it does in the movies! LOL) And I find I have to change my ideas about that action... it's not demanding, B*tchy, whiny, or any of that.
It's the not speaking up part, that I realize (all these years later), that's presumptious, assuming, and unfair.
Twoapenny:
Well I thought I would update this a little as things are going well, although not as expected!
I decided that the firm I had instructed were not the right people to be doing this. This is my fault; I didn't do enough research or ask enough questions before instructing them. Valuable lesson learned and not a mistake that I will be making again.
I also decided that my focus in this needs to be my son's health, rather than the legal case. Although I hope both will come to fruition in time, his health must take priority and I can't manage both at the same time. So the legal case is on hold, probably until next year, when I'll start looking for a better, more appropriate firm to take it on.
Some of the information that came to light via the previous firm may have some bearing on my son's health problems. In order to get the assessments done I had to go back to the doctor. I generally avoid anything to do with the public sector (which in the UK is pretty much everything) because I'm so scared of the false accusations coming up again and a re-run of what happened to us last time, which went on for years and caused so many problems for both of us. But ......... I wrote down everything that was relevant, saw the GP, spoke openly and honestly about what I feel we need now and he was very understanding and supportive and put some referrals in for us. It's the start of a long process, but we are over the first hurdle and now waiting to see what happens next.
I am still tracking down old records and have had a lot of problems in this area over the years. But I have tracked down a set that has been missing for a long time and am going to see them tomorrow. I wrote a long letter explaining everything that's happened and what I am trying to do to get the records corrected. Again, the lady was very nice and understanding and didn't seem surprised - I'm wondering if she had an idea of what had gone on because something in those records doesn't fit? I will find out tomorrow.
Stage three was contacting social services today. I have been so scared of going near them for so many years now that it has taken me three months to build up the courage to make that call today. All it was is to get my son a card that gets him free swimming; we can go more often if I don't have to pay for it but I've been too scared to ask. I find talking on the phone particularly scary as people have lied in the past about what I did or didn't say, so I generally try to put things in writing. I explained to the guy about what had happened before and that I was worried that our records were wrong. He was very understanding, has asked me to write in with all the information so that he can update the file and then amazed me by saying that malicious referrals were very common and that is was usually family that made them!
All in all it feels like better people are coming our way, so fingers crossed that continues and things get resolved in some way at some point.
Hopalong:
awwww Tupp, that's WONDERFUL.
I admire it so much when people recognize their own small steps and report on them, and even give themselves a much-deserved pat on the back for confronting fears and pushing through....
BRAVO.
xo
Hops
lighter:
Tupp:
No sound lucid, focused and on point.
No vengeful agenda, but your son's health as priority...... knowing how to take stock of your reserves, abilities and resources is important and just what you're doing, IMO. Wise Tupp to take honest stock, and make the best choice, even if it's not a perfect choice.
Unfortunately part of helping your son is tied to the past, the records, the people, and the systems that helped your mum harm you and your son.
I completely understand being triggered, and very very cautious about contacting those organizations.
It sounds like you're being mindful, approaching each task with a goal, and managing to resist making your conversations about the past, but rather about what you need to accomplish going forward.
So hard to avoid those darned rabbit holes, I know.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on August 19, 2013, 03:56:49 PM ---awwww Tupp, that's WONDERFUL.
I admire it so much when people recognize their own small steps and report on them, and even give themselves a much-deserved pat on the back for confronting fears and pushing through....
BRAVO.
xo
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hopsie. Today was really hard. I was in such a state by the time I got to the appointment that I actually thought I might be sick and when I came out I just wanted to cry. But the lady was very nice and professional - I think it's the lack of professionalism we've encountered at times that's been really hard to deal with. There were no nasty suprises in the paperwork, which is good, but just reading that stuff my mum said and did - my own mum! - is still really upsetting and, as I think I've said before on here, the thing that upsets me the most is that the campaign of harassment she waged against me was the most effort she'd ever put into my life. I find that difficult to get my head around and I really seem to feel physical pain in my heart now when I think about this stuff.
What was good is that it seems there were people in my corner who fought on my behalf when all of this was going on, which I didn't know about before because of confidentiality and so on. But it's nice to know she didn't pull the wool over everyone's eyes.
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