Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

My brother and just life and stuff

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Meh:
There is something that I want to write about but I'm not even sure what it is.

I'm dreading going back to work Tomorrow. I feel like I want a little more time to be able to just feel what I feel instead of going into busy mode.

My brother's friend texted me last night asking me if I was okay, it was really nice, he said he would like to stay in touch that it would be nice to have some connection to my brother. I don't know maybe he is just doing it out of duty or something.

For some reason I think I am having a harder time with my brother's death than anybody else in my family, so be it I guess. My parents seem to be taking it in stride and are having a weird "truce" and seem to be making peace with each other. A little too late really to be any benefit to anybody else but themselves.

Meh:
Today I moved to a newer/different apartment. It's good because this morning I left behind a condo that I moved back into--but in the past my mother had a place there and my brother lived with me, so it's good to be gone for a handful of reasons. I have a room mate but I also get to have my own bathroom and it's much cleaner and less funky than the other place.

My co-worker flaked out and didn't bring her truck to help me move. So my old room-mate ended up helping me move, I think she wanted to connect with me more. She hugged me like three times. It just takes time to open up to people I guess.

Meh:
Had to go back to work today. Would like to write more about all of this but...don't have internet at home. I am sitting with my laptop on the sidewalk outside of the local Starbucks..sheesh, this one closes early.

Writing it out off-line doesn't appeal to me at all.

sKePTiKal:

--- Quote ---I really need to build my own life. That is separate from my mother and father etc.

I feel like I knew his death was coming for a long time.
--- End quote ---

Wow. I just quoted this, coz I think it's important - what you wrote - for YOU.


And I wanted to say, that it seems like you have figured out the grieving the process - the way YOU do it - just fine. There are always gifts in that process, which sometimes we don't notice till later. I know for myself, that old memories and feelings all sorta jumble together and threaten to sweep me off with them in some bouncy tumbleweed sort of way, at first... then, when it all calms down, it's possible to just be one thing at a time... and rest... and figure out what all is now different.

Meh:
Just tired today.

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