Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

My brother and just life and stuff

<< < (17/65) > >>

Meh:
Want to write on here, just a simple personal blurb as if I was writing just to myself and only to myself..though when I do come here not much comes out. Mostly all I can write is that I feel pooped out and guilty for not exercising and feeling good inside my body. Instead my belly and thighs feel rather chubby and bloated all the time. Also I forget that I even have this physical flesh container which this "talking" self, "self-talking" self, "writing self"...well this flesh that I live with and AM. I get not only so far inside my mind, but so inside my problems it's as if I start to inhabit the "mental picture-image" of what the problem is. The problems are real,....it's just really not fun how much is lacking from the rest of my life. IF there were other things then maybe the problems wouldn't take up so much space themselves. The problems would then have to readjust to a slice of the pie instead.

not sure what else to write about, drinking a cup of mint tea and going to go to sleep soon I hope

It's all kind of a constant--the part of self care. SELF care requires constancy. Tricky part being is that life keeps changing with so many variables...hard to get everything working all at the same time.

sKePTiKal:

--- Quote ---Tricky part being is that life keeps changing with so many variables...hard to get everything working all at the same time.
--- End quote ---

This is so true, Bean! I think the hard part, for me, is thinking that there is a sustained place in "life"... where some people are able to get everything working all at the same time, with that constant motion and it's always like that. Whenever I've gotten to know people like that, I've found out I was wrong in my perception of their "perfection".

They're just really good at maintaining the IMAGE of perfect juggling... and they hide their frustrations, accept their failures and try again, just like we do. Sometimes, these kinds of people have also got stories like ours, too. Families like ours. Any of the times, I've ever let something slip - or intentionally tried to describe my "mom-bro" - there is instantaneous recognition from others. They know people like that too. (yeah, every once in a while I find out that this new person IS like they are too... ya pays yer nickel; ya takes yer chances...)

As far as relating to our bodies, especially as they age, I'm on the same wavelength as Hops... we gotta keep moving to feel good. It's just too easy to sit for hours... I need one of those treadmills with a small desk and power plug on the front to take my computer with me...
and it's just sooooo tempting, when my bones ache, the nerves in my foot hurt... to just pook out and plunk down into a cocoon on the couch and read what other people are talking about... because I'm so bored listening to my own crap. But the problem with that is that the chi stagnates... which causes even more aches and nerve issues... LOL... so I try to remember to BALANCE all that... some days, I remember better than others... and some days, I just say: F it. Doin what I want to do... and I don't wanna move. So there.  :P

It's all good, Bean.

Meh:
I find drug addiction really scary and disturbing. I am looking at an article: http://news.msn.com/us/first-cases-of-flesh-eating-narcotic-suspected-in-us

sometimes I think I am some kind of wimp, I find most disease and illness disturbing to some degree

I mean are drugs like these developed intentionally by some "EVIL" being like the Joker character in the batman movies.....   honestly I don't understand people or the world or anything

I find it odd that NASA/military or somebody?  hasn't developed some kind of "blocker-drug" that can somehow make the effects drug use impotent meaning something that could be put into a person's blood stream that causes a brain to not "addict" or un-addict  IDK   what I am saying right now....sleep time

I find it odd that my brother died of a drug over-dose because it is somehow associated with being lower class and I never identified with being "lower class" when I was growing up even if maybe we were and still am.

Always like there were two sides. There is some side of themselves that people take to work that they show the public and then there is something else I guess.

When my brother was in high school he played guitar of course and I remember him practicing a song by the band "Motley Crue" called Dr. Feel Good. My brother had a tattoo with this phrase  *dr.feel good*  that he later got covered up with something innocuous. I asked my brother why he got it covered up and he told me that it's because the song is about drug-dealing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XHcPYorSJw

The band being interviewed about their drug use:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDYbe4v8vw8

(sometimes I wonder about the above, if the band members never really had serious addictions but played it up as part of their bad-guy persona".. I just wonder

Other statements:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3SQBRCmTjY

Just weird stuff that I am watching tonight

Meh:
On my theme of youtube videos. Was watching an interview between Richard Dawkins and this other person Ted Haggard, (near end of video)....and on youtube Ted Haggard was described as possibly showing Narcissist facial expressions.

I wonder if there is such a thing as a Narcissistic facial expression.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmMv0ceWTVQ

Was curious what you tube would bring up about narcissism but what I found was mainly something about ego-maniacs and that doesn't seem to fit my mother. Ego-maniacs are like over the top!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94Uie7UCdOU

Hopalong:
The Ted Haggard story is sad to me in so many ways...I was deeply fascinated because of my upbringing. Narcissism is very probably part of it, but I also think that's bred into many preachers. Saddest to me is the adherence to human-written texts that get people utterly bollixed up about their own reality, and so often block the capacity for compassion...and self acceptance.

"Class" is another thing that makes me nuts.

You are a first-class human being, Bean.

Hops

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page