While under, I had some hallucinations, but other than that most of it was a total blank - completely lost 2+ weeks of my life - I am so very tired of life, I really want that total blank again...
I now have short-term memory problems, balance problems, vision problems....
You all are wonderful - thank you so much. Am so very, very tired.
Am not making much sense - sorry, need to calm down - can't post legibly right now.
Within the blank... did you feel like you were cupped in the arms of some great comfort? That it was OK to put down all your worries, wishes, hopes, to-do lists, the expectations of others... and simply let yourself be taken care of?
I hope so, because that place is real and it helps, at times like you're going through Peace, to remember that place. It's through that place, that you can heal, really rest and gain re-freshment, and find and take up your true inner strength (which sometimes also comes through gallons of tears)... to do what you have to do, to save yourself and your kids. That's the place where I think the "real us" lives.
Sounds like you're not quite ready to take any action yet. OK. You've already been through so much and it sounds like you're still recovering from the injuries. I get that you don't feel like you can do one single thing right now. You poor dear! You're right, you know. But it doesn't take any more energy to make a phone call to your doctor, a woman's shelter, or even the police to tell someone who can help you - because you NEED help right now while you're getting well and getting your strength back. Someone who can keep track of all the to-do list, the details, and help you care for yourself and your kids until you're fully recovered. It doesn't take any more energy to make that call, than it does to post to us -- and that's help that can be there in person within minutes. Surely, your doctor asked what happened, right?
Please get help to leave him.
As to the balance, memory and vision problems... these will get better, if you're properly cared for. But you DO NEED someone to look after the things you normally do... and you, too... until that time. Each person is different in how quickly they recover, but I know from experience that additional stress - of any flavor - slows down the process. So, keep it simple - one thing at a time. The big questions, the "why" questions... those aren't going anywhere. You'll get around to working through them. But you have immediate needs:
Thing #1 - call in some help to help you leave and be in a safe place to recover. We need a "report" from you that this is accomplished before we move on to Thing #2.
You're going to be all right, Peace. There's nothing "wrong" with you; not the you I remember from when I needed help. It's just your turn to let people help you.
