Small Steps

[Twoapenny]

Skep I think there is something really powerful and inspiring about burning stuff!  But having said that there is a lot of stuff I want to get rid of (like you, the thought of anyone reading it fills me with horror) but some of it is really useful and every now and again I come across something and when I read it I realise how far I've come and it makes me want to hang on to it.

So the compromise for me is to sloooowly get around scanning everything so it can be kept virtually and once that's done I'll burn the hard copies.  Makes me feel like I've got the best of both worlds.  You might feel there is no need for Twiggy now and that she deserves to be set free once and for all.  I like the idea of her settling as ashes in the garden somewhere helping things grow

Well done to your hubs on clearing out that stuff and good on you for getting someone in to do the work, it's sometimes cheaper in the long run to pay someone else rather than, as you say, a job taking months to get done.

[Twoapenny]

Tupp, you hippie!
What a delight to imagine you doing that.

May the festival feelings last for you!

hugs
Hops

Ha ha, I am a hippie!  It was amazing, I felt so much like myself again and it made me realise that there is a lot about my life that I want to change.  I've started tackling jobs around the house that I keep putting off and I'm thinking about cutting back on the number of organised activities I do with my son so that we have more time to wander and be adventurous.  I want to start living away from the calendar more!

[Hopalong]

I vote for something that may not exist: a password-protected thumbdrive.
But that's because I fear losing papers, since I'm ADD and fear not having something legal.
Your journals are different.

Then again, since you know you're never going to publish them, and may prefer that
your children NOT plumb the depths of your psyche one day...maybe just the burning
would be right for you too.

Few things get one human life in perspective more, for me, than the process of
purging, throwing away, donating, letting go. I'm not quite a minimalist but in
terms of archiving, I've whittled things waaaaaaaaaaaay down.

So, don't think advice is so much what you need, as a chance to try out different
decisions in your mind, and see which one ultimately feels right, most whole?

Let us know what you decide. We all walked a lotta miles in sweet Twiggy's
shoes, but it's equally powerful to think of "retiring" her as a splintered-off
piece of you.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I dunno if it's retiring her... as much as setting her free into her own space to just BE her.

Case in point: hubs was playing around (i.e., shopping) on the web and came across blueray collections of old tv series that we both enjoyed, like Mission Impossible, ISpy, Man from Uncle... the Avengers... and up popped Twiggy who remembered one called "The Prisoner". She was quite the Anglophile, in her day... Twiggy and all that. The main character was Patrick McGoohan - an MI5 agent who resigned his job and was kidnapped away to a secluded island, complete with a "pretend village"... an exact (almost) replica of his home... and the sinister "big brother", "mind control" laboratory and evil mastermind (#1)... and most hauntingly, the big white weather balloon blob nicknamed "rover" who was sent to maintain control over people who began deducing "reality" in the midst of all the "managed illusion" and trying to escape.

LOL... so he bought it for me. Amazon Prime is a shopaholic's dream. Anyway we watched the first two episodes last night. And whatever Twiggy identified with, the situation/environment of the main character.... isn't there anymore. A memory is... and that's all it is. And the memory won't be going anywhere... the kind of hairs prickling on the back of the neck recognition of "ohhhh... THAT again..." The only reason I would keep the journals... is as a reminder of how long it takes a person, and how emotionally fraught with the gamut of intense emotions (and some selfish ones) the process to finally ACCEPT what "is" takes.

H is going through her own process of this; accepting that the sister she hoped to have, isn't going to be. A is still fighting accepting responsibility for who she is and that life, society and other people will have something to say, justifiably, about some limits on who she is and how she chooses to live. They don't need the journals; no one needs to read page after page of all caps, multiple exclamation points... hahahaha!! I have already given A her own set, to begin writing, vomiting it all out. She isn't there, yet. And hubs already knows all there is know (that he can stand to know) about that; he really doesn't like my "gory details" obsessive wallow in the intense emotion until it burns itself out tendency. He won't read them.

I think Twiggy is going to "remain" - like the lingering whiff of flowers on the air - even without the treasure or roadmap, to find her and set her free. S'Ok with me, you know? So, I think I need to tell hubs to find a fire pit, on clearance somewhere... LOL... it'll be here by Friday, knowing him...

[Twoapenny]

I dunno if it's retiring her... as much as setting her free into her own space to just BE her.

Case in point: hubs was playing around (i.e., shopping) on the web and came across blueray collections of old tv series that we both enjoyed, like Mission Impossible, ISpy, Man from Uncle... the Avengers... and up popped Twiggy who remembered one called "The Prisoner". She was quite the Anglophile, in her day... Twiggy and all that. The main character was Patrick McGoohan - an MI5 agent who resigned his job and was kidnapped away to a secluded island, complete with a "pretend village"... an exact (almost) replica of his home... and the sinister "big brother", "mind control" laboratory and evil mastermind (#1)... and most hauntingly, the big white weather balloon blob nicknamed "rover" who was sent to maintain control over people who began deducing "reality" in the midst of all the "managed illusion" and trying to escape.

LOL... so he bought it for me. Amazon Prime is a shopaholic's dream. Anyway we watched the first two episodes last night. And whatever Twiggy identified with, the situation/environment of the main character.... isn't there anymore. A memory is... and that's all it is. And the memory won't be going anywhere... the kind of hairs prickling on the back of the neck recognition of "ohhhh... THAT again..." The only reason I would keep the journals... is as a reminder of how long it takes a person, and how emotionally fraught with the gamut of intense emotions (and some selfish ones) the process to finally ACCEPT what "is" takes.

H is going through her own process of this; accepting that the sister she hoped to have, isn't going to be. A is still fighting accepting responsibility for who she is and that life, society and other people will have something to say, justifiably, about some limits on who she is and how she chooses to live. They don't need the journals; no one needs to read page after page of all caps, multiple exclamation points... hahahaha!! I have already given A her own set, to begin writing, vomiting it all out. She isn't there, yet. And hubs already knows all there is know (that he can stand to know) about that; he really doesn't like my "gory details" obsessive wallow in the intense emotion until it burns itself out tendency. He won't read them.

I think Twiggy is going to "remain" - like the lingering whiff of flowers on the air - even without the treasure or roadmap, to find her and set her free. S'Ok with me, you know? So, I think I need to tell hubs to find a fire pit, on clearance somewhere... LOL... it'll be here by Friday, knowing him...

It sounds like a wonderful release, Skep, and I guess you could make some sort of ceremony or giving of thanks or something when you do it?  I've had in my mind now a scene where I have the fire going, all the paperwork in a box beside me, some nice food and drink, my boy and maybe a friend or two and making it into a sort of rite of passage or coming of age type thing?  Sort of feels like something that big needs to be marked in some way?  Let us know what you do!

[Meh]

I want to read books, feel like I can't relax to take the time to do it.

Books maybe are not "small steps"  Not sure if they qualify or not. Books do help me get out of my thinking-pattern ruts, gives me something else to occupy my mind with, a distraction. Haven't read a good book in a long time. I'm looking at the price of Kindles--it has come down or there are some used ones for sale on Amazon. I'm not sure if I would like Kindle or not. Never had one I don't know how they work exactly. Somehow the books have to be downloaded. It looks like if I want to download 10 kindle books from amazon.com it would cost me about $100.00....um no that is not going to happen. Library is probably it I guess. Oh well.

[Hopalong]

Hey Boat.
I rediscovered on a long drive last weekend that a good book on tape is such a deep pleasure for me, and in many ways MORE comforting/distracting to me than my solitary reading. I think it is about the voice on this one. Whoever the actor is, he is not overdramatizing it the way some bad narrators do, just reading it in a really natural way. So the dialogue comes across as real. It's not a Great Book, it's a mystery, and I find myself feeling very happy about it--so much so that since on my short work commutes I only get 15 min. more of the story, today I'm bringing more of the discs inside and am going to make up some handy do-it-on-the-couch chore or fold laundry so I can hear him "read me a story" for longer...

I think that's what I'm liking. Somebody is reading me a story. Way comforting associations, from way earlier in life.

If you have some device that will play CDs or MP3s, maybe you'd find that comforting too? If not, I'm with you...get thee to the library and stock up. Read yourself some stories. (Dunno about yours, but I know some libraries have free Ebooks in their online catalogs...)

xo
Hops

[Meh]

yah, I used to cook and then listen to books on tape when I had my own apartment   like killing two birds with one stone  books on tape are good

[sKePTiKal]

Tech devices have to jump huge hurdles with me, to be found acceptable. Hubs got me a kindle... long time ago. I spilled tea on it when I was sick one time... and Amazon replaced it, for a minimal price. It's one of the earlier ones - it has real keyboard buttons, and a smaller screen. The only other time I had a problem with it, was after hurricane Irene. All cell/wireless service had gone down. The battery on the kindle had drained. So I spent some time on Amazon's tech board, trying to figure how to fix it -- all it took, finally, after I gave up -- was calling tech support. And they were able to "push" my configuration (including my library of books) to the kindle, after it had made contact wirelessly with the "mother ship" again. It's old, but it has 3G wireless. It was a miracle!! 

They are probably the toughest devices going. Easy to read, in bright sunlight by the pool - even the older ones. Easy to buy books (range in price from free - .99 - and up) right from the kindle screen - and they automatically load on your home page screen. You can create folders of "collections", to organize the books. It will automatically turn off, conserving the battery - and once you've downloaded a book - turn the wireless off from the menu - it uses less juice that way. I get hours & hours out of one battery charge. You can also organize your collections online, within your amazon account. There is also a way to move things via laptop to the kindle... ways to cope where wireless access is limited... it's all on their tech support board. For the "consumable" books - light, entertainment reading - I really like the kindle, because I'm not having to find a place for another stack of books. I also like it for technical books - because with the keyboard, I can bookmark a page and write my own notes.

But there are some books, I just gotta hold in my hands. Real books don't have to be recharged, if you spill liquids on them, you can usually dry them out and they still "work" afterward, and they're just as portable as that little screen is... LOL...

[Hopalong]

I'm sure I"d like an e-reader EXCEPT that I've had a smartphone (boss paid for) for months now and I HATE the thing.

So I'll prolly stick with paper books for now.

Also, with blue light spectrum light being overstimulating at night (my main reading time) I don't want to use
a Kindle thing in bed.

I'm a Luddite, stalagmite, something like that!

 

Hops

[Meh]

I got another hair cut, it is good, no tears, no neurotic reactions

[Twoapenny]

I'm sure I"d like an e-reader EXCEPT that I've had a smartphone (boss paid for) for months now and I HATE the thing.

So I'll prolly stick with paper books for now.

Also, with blue light spectrum light being overstimulating at night (my main reading time) I don't want to use
a Kindle thing in bed.

I'm a Luddite, stalagmite, something like that!

 

I love paper books, I can completely understand the appeal of something like a Kindle but for me the book itself is the thing I want to have in my hand!  We go to the library two or three times a week, I just devour them.  Always have, ever since I was a little girl.  I've always found something very comforting about being able to escape and I don't know, the paper version seems to symbolise that to me so much more than an electronic one does (not being critical of electronic, it's great that these things come on the market as we're all different and need different things).  Someone who uses our library corrects any errors she or he finds in print and makes little notes on the sleeve as they go through, I think it's so sweet!

[Hopalong]

Me too, Tupp.
I love the human chain feeling of library books.
Somebody else enjoyed this same escape or story
or moving event that I am enjoying...

My mother was a librarian so they've always been
comfort/holy places to me...

That was something wonderful I inherited from her.

xo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I got another hair cut, it is good, no tears, no neurotic reactions

I go see my ex-hippie, minister, therapist "hair master sensei" today.
The "hair" is short and still light copper-y something (he gets to do whatever he thinks looks good for me; I'm still not the best judge of that)...

but lately, I've been thinking how it's kinda "dishonest" - like I'm trying to be something I'm not. Been thinking about letting it grow long and all white again... Or maybe I just don't FEEL like I fit the "still young & crazy after all these years" image lately.

Do we have to express the "inside" us... with our outsides.................. or can the "outside" influence who we feel like, inside???

Bean: the tears... and all... that happens to me at the dentist. I know it's all tied to the past... and I've told the dentist too. I still avoid them.

Why can't we just close the door on the past... and only deal with the present? what's right here... right now... and not feel as though we're a squash that's been grown into a funny face mold (all the yuck permanently written on us) and now it's not possible to see, feel, do, BE anything else except what we were forced into being???

It's too early in the morning; I'm not making any sense again.

[Hopalong]

My small step is going to be to get my lazy ass out of bed, and go get a haircut and visit the consignment shop for a nice new top. I have a geezer date this evening.

Yesterday I slipped back several steps...it was binge eating of carbs and sugary stuff. Awful sensation, quite out of control. (At work, after being very short on sleep...and a smorgasbord of junk food I kept going back to.)

That voice: A moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips..heard it, didn't care. It was that underwater comfort-seeking behavior. I was too tired to resist my craving doppelganger. Regrets today. But que sera.

I think part of it was that yesterday was my daughter's birthday. I wasn't distraught, but clearly a part of me needed comfort, and found the wrong kind.

So. OUTTA bed!

It is a beautiful day and once I get out in it, I know I'll feel better.

love
Hops